simongr's Unfinished Work

[simongr]

simongr’s unfinished

I must apologise in advance for this trip report – or really what I perhaps should call “not quite a trip report”. I am normally (again I amused that I consider recurrent international 9 hour flights normal in my new life) fastidious in my taking of notes (see below) before, during and even after a flight but for some reason unbeknownst to me this trip report sadly gets barely past half way through the mileage although the number of flights is more than half.

[aside]

A philosophy or treatise on the art of the Trip Report

Just taking a brief minute to explore my philosophy on Trip reporting. Please skip to the remainder of the narrative if a few minutes of self indulgence are not to your taste. As I type this I am in fact in the midst of the Big Personal Trip, sat on a(nother) flight to LCA whilst mrssimongr listens to Whitney Houston (thankfully my headphones block out any possibility of external noise pollution) my mind turns to why and how these reports are formed in my mind and the prose constructed.

In terms of process when I travel alone on business I am generally wearing a pair of cargo pants which have a large side pocket in which sits my trusty passport (hard working little fella that he is might be retired by the end of the year), my boarding pass and my Moleskein notebook. Every opportunity I have to scribble an immediate thought is seized – sat at the gate, in the lounge as soon as I board. I manage that way to record those immediate events, textures, people, sights and sounds that have captured my imagination and make me want to share them with the wider world.

And this is where we perhaps to come philosophy. All you hear about travel is the negative – the queues, fuel surcharges, prices, delays, coughpola food, fuel surcharges, coughpola food, fuel surcharges – so much so that you half wonder why people travel. I am of course fortunate in the manner of my travel but I still want to grab someone as I walk past them and shake them so I can point out the amazing, hilarious, poignant or terrible things that I see – so that is why I write. Consider yourselves shaken

[/aside]

So where were we – oh yeah setting the scene for the great unfinished. After some debate with one of my bosses I negotiated to get to New York by tying it to a trip to Hong Kong and thus moving from a potential travel cost of $18K to a paltry $10K. The trip involves a few firsts for me – well one at least in that I get to fly to ORD for the first time. The second first which actually preceded the first first was the visit to the MEL First lounge.

So the route is:

syd-mel-hkg-tpe-nrt-ord-lga,jfk-lhr-lca-lhr-hkg-syd

TPE is just a transit on my way to nrt so I can fly in F NRT-ORD (the only route I could fly with availability to use an eVIP to get to the US).

The only stops are HKG, NYC and LCA (mind you that is only 48 hours).

So apologies for the brevity (well not so much brevity given the natural verbosity of my reports – mayhap we should think of this a limited season run due to the writers strike [damn those writers – although in retrospect one might actually think that the reduce season runs of US dramas actually resulted in the best season finale of Lost – EVER]) – I will actually try and cram as much enjoyment into this as I can.

So ”the movie will begin in 5 moments” the mindless voiced announced. All those unseated will await the next show. We filed slowly languidly into the hall, the auditorium was vast and silent, as we seated and we darkened the voice continued. “the program for this evening is not new, we’ve seen this entertainment through and through, you’ve seen your birth, your life death, you might recall all of the rest, did you have a good world when you died? Enough to base a movie on?”*

Let’s get on with the show shall we?

* Bonus points for guessing the origin of the quote

 

[moa999]

Was thinking 'The xx_xx' but google make its too easy..

 

[simongr]

Journey – SYD-MEL
Flight no. – QF427
Class – Business
Seat – 4G

Well here we are again – off for a slightly surreal journey for me. This will be the first time that I have exited Australia from a non-SYD port. I am flying up (well technically one should perhaps say down) to MEL to have a “squiz” at the MEL F lounge to benchmark it to the SYD oasis of delight.

I have a fairly mad week at work and then work from home on Friday (whilst mrssimongr is away on a work trip so I have an evening of Xbox and steak and chips to look forward to). I watch the AFL on Saturday night and in fact have quite a late night so am a little tired at 6AM on Sunday when I wake.

I force the driver (much to his chagrin) to take my preferred routing from [insert name of suburb] to SYD which avoids [insert name of suburb] but incurs more tolls (which I am paying for so just do it damnit!)

One has to remember that I don’t fly very much domestically in Oz (in fact I figured recently that I had flown out of HKG more in the past 24 months than out of SYD) so I foolishly queued up in the J/OWE queue (slower than the QP queue) for check in only to be told after a long wait that I needed to go to the international connections check at the other end of the terminal. Once I get to the connections check in I am then stuck behind some backpackers who as ever take a dogs age to check whereas I unsurprisingly am through in 30 seconds.

It is of course straight through from there to the QP. Sadly the new J lounges are not open and this is my first experience of the somewhat curtailed lounge. Overall for a generally int’l J pax the lack of bubbles and/or cold larger (another bonus point for the source of that) is somewhat disconcerting – but survivable (I know there is a pot of bubbles at the end of this domestic rainbow so I can breathe and relax). The highlight of the visit is seeing the fat bloke from “Blue Heelers” [link to thread].

I skip any QP “food” and grab a juice and catch up on a few things on line and head down to gate 6 a little earlier than needed. It is hilarious watching people not listen to the simple instructions from the gate staff, so when we finally do start boarding I am in my aisle seat quick smart.

I am sat in the seat for a good while before it registers why I have so much personal space – this is a Dreamtime equipped 763 – plenty if leg room and even PTVs. We are given our pre-flight drink options – juice or water (so this is what it is like to fly domestically ). The onboard breakfast is however excellent – a Croque Monsieur (posh ham and cheese sanger*) that is polished off with gusto – a dramatic improvement on my international QF business class breakfast on QF22, NRT-SYD…

I barely have time to squeeze down the Croque Monsieur when we are landing into MEL – my seat buddy (thankfully silent for the flight) remarks on how short the flight is and given the upcoming itinerary I can heartily concur (although being a somewhat reserved English gentleman I merely nod politely and express a brief “yes – it would seem so” in acknowledgement).

A short time after the “brief encounter” we are on the ground and I am off for a smooth transition to the MEL F lounge – ahh the best laid plans of mice and men (obviously I am not carrying any mice nor own mice who are currently scheming and/or plotting the overrun of human civilization but I do believe that phrase conveys the sense of … well let’s just call it IMPENDING DOOM)…

* Any increase of Ocker vocab may be a reflection of my recently passed Citizenship test – just need to apply for that passport now…

 

[taswegian77]

cannot wait till you post the rest of your trip. good stuff.

 

[simongr]

Journey – MEL-HKG
Flight no. – CX unknown
Class – Business
Seat – 15C

So we land and we are off to experience the wonders of the “much better than SYD airport experience that is MEL”…according to melbournonianites.

We don’t get off to a good start with sign posts indicating T2 in two different directions… I think I take the right choice which in theory as I am checked in for my next flight is the correct choice – but is in fact not the best choice. Unlike SYD there is immigration pre-screening, one of the functions of which is to point and laugh at economy pax and their paltry hand luggage allowances – or so it seems. As ever I am travelling with a tightly packed 21in Tumi (well it wouldn’t be a simongr trip report if I didn’t drop the Tumi word into the mix) Rollaboard and Tumi (I will refer you to the line above) suitbag. The following exchange ensues*:

Simongr: Hello delightfully helpful and woefully underpaid comrade, oh I wish I could help in your fight against your repressive bosses, would you be able to direct me to the immigration point

Tinpotjumpeduplittlejobsworth: Pah that hand luggage is too fat you scum – bin it or I will

S: I am sorry kind sir I thought that as a business class passenger that a greater luggage allowance was available to me. If you could clarify my misunderstanding I would gladly acquiesce to your demands.

TPJULJ: Pah [insert expletive here] you have a red boarding pass which means your are prole scum not fit to clean my house – dump your bag or I come out swinging.

S: I do believe that as a reward for my ongoing commitment and hard working I have been truly blessed to be able to fly in business class.

TPJULJ: Are you sure?

S: I think so – do you want me to go back to CX check in and get a boarding pass to prove it or is the fact that I am in 15C on an international flight with a premium carrier enough to prove it to you?

TPJULJ: Hmm – well those bags look fat anyway – better weigh them. You do know that you are only allowed 7KG

S: Umm ok…

From there we proceed to The Scales Of Doom at which point the 20in Tumi (hmm perhaps I should give it a name – I spend more time with it than some of my family… right I name thee Derek!) is weighed and it seems that Derek weighs 12kgs. At this point I have an eyebrow raising moment. So TPJULJ believes me to be a prole with only a 7KG limit and after weighing Derek I am already 5KG over the limit and there is still Rupert (well I couldn’t name the suit bag Clive could I????) to weigh…

At this point bizarrely TPLJUJ loses interest and decides to harass some other PAX – what a glorious waste of time and money – thanks!

* Some dialogue may not accurately the reflect precise wording of the entire exchange


But the hilarity doesn’t end there. Somewhat perturbed I progress through a placid immigration to security screening. In her wisdom mrssimongr has bought an earring stand for simongrmother in the shape of a “thong” (also known as a flip flop to the non-Ockers). Derek goes through the x-ray at least three times (that wont give him cancer will it?) before I am asked to open him up and given this is a gift it has been wrapped in gift wrap so I am disinclined to unwrap the product. A few endeavours at explanation are ignored until the shift change when the staff look at the x-ray and go “Oh that’s an earring stand in the shape of a thong – off you go sir”. Go figure…

So a slightly frazzled simongr then commences the hunt for F lounge. After a few minutes hunting (not with dogs though as that would be cruel unless you were chasing Jeremy Clarkson in an Asian car) I finally find the F lounge – phew!

I find it amusing that people complain about having to walk through duty free in SYD to get to the lounges (unless you play hunt the staircase short cut) whereas in MEL you have to walk through DF and then play Hunt the Lounge…

Finally I am up the escalator and into the lounge. On entry the staff are great. My BP is taken off me (I assume this gets me in the lounge faster whilst they do whatever they need to do with the BP) and I am ushered. I am quickly presented with a menu and asked for my choice of drink – I think you can guess where that is going

Sadly the drink is a quite slow to arrive – now this may seem trivial but people have always panned SYD for slow service and this is no better. The lounge is completely devoid of life and given I have a few hours I realise I should have gone for a Spa treatment – although as I don’t like massages and I am a little rough hewn for facials I am not sure what I would go for…

I order the minute steak which on arrival is better described as “my-newt” but the Café de Paris butter and chips are 100% yum. As I tuck in I start writing up the trip report (apologies it has taken 5 months to get this far) and watching Beethoven out of the corner of my (hey I am an old softy for dogs) but miss the end as someone changes the channel so that both TVs are showing the cricket…

After a while I check my BP and decide to head to the gate – but sadly QF check in in SYD have again not helped me by printing a boarding time that is 60 mins ahead of departure. – yes I know I should have checked. So sheepishly it’s back to the lounge where the staff remark that they wondered where I was going…

Back to the same seat and I at least get to finish my unfinished champers Finally it is back to boarding and despite some irrational belief of an impending op-up, none is forthcoming (I have no idea why I thought I might an op-up).

We are on the old new business class product (the wedgie seat) and I am joined by an 80 year old scots woman on her way to the UK. Thankfully I am not subjected to nine hours of “and this is little Johnny when he first walked and this is little Johnny when he did his first burp” – although I did spend half the journey explaining to her what the FAs had said as she was half deaf.

The IFE is of course working but the list of movies is less than inspiring and after a reasonably long lounge visit I am feeling a little “tired and emotional” so after a rather insipid dinner I decide to snooze. It seems that this cabin is placed next to a train station as the traffic through and in it is enough to wake the dead.

The Old new business class on CX does have its challenges as even fully extended I am not 100% straight and I begin to remember why, even despite a good soft product I started to avoid CX.

Eventually we begin getting read for descent into HKG and I realise after a little nap that I am iPodless!!!! Much dismantling of seats later and I am still an iPod free zone. I resign myself to having to buy a new one when I get to NY (any excuse to get to the Apple store).

I thank the staff for their help and get settled in for landing. I disembark and begin the long walk to immigration on to hear “mr gr, mr gr, mr gr” and as I turn I see the CSD running down the hallway iPod in hand – good work CX

The HKIAFV card does it’s stuff again and I am quickly onto the train and equally quickly asleep as it is about 1AM my time. I get to the Conrad around 10PM and am whisked up to the Exec lounge where my Champers is poured and unlike in SHA they allow me to take my drink back to the room – in fact they carry it for me!

So at around 11PM (local) a very tired simongr climbs into bed for a good sleep.

 

[simongr]

Home at the Conrad

What more can I say about this hotel that I haven’t already? Great staff, service, breakfast and pork buns – what more could you want other than upgrades to a suite and a bottle of Bolly on arrival?

There have been some changes since my last visit. We now have the black clad and white clad staff. The black take the orders and the white provide the service. I find this a little coughbersome and I am sure this cost me at least one Champagne drinking opportunity due to delays

Breakfast has also changed as the bread and toast is now hidden along with the juice – not a great improvement in my mind. The usual bizarre situation of some days leaf tea and others bag tea continues

After five days of truly horrendously tedious work it is time to bid farewell to the Conrad – knowing that the next time I am here it will be with mrssimongr for the first time – something that they offer to note so that they can do something special for her.

Friday finishes with a wonderful dim sum lunch with the Asia finance team to thank them for their hard work for me this week. SO with all of the i’s dotted and t’s crossed it is with good conscience that I have a very “relaxed” Friday night in advance of the coming event – the Longest Day...

 

[Driver]

How embarrasing , I just made a cup of tea and settled in bed to continue reading and . . . how can you leave us in, well, in where? Looking forward to the next installment.

 

[simongr]

Don't worry - the end is not here yet - but a bottle of red is not conducive to coherent ramblings

 

[Driver]

Don't worry - the end is not here yet - but a bottle of red is not conducive to coherent ramblings

Maybe I should forget the tea and imbibe in something a tad redder in colour - then I too might be able to write with interest!

 

[Keith009]

Finally, the long awaited TR, best savoured with a bottle of bubbly. So much for trying to detox this weekend...

Look forward to more.

 

[simongr]

How embarrasing , I just made a cup of tea and settled in bed to continue reading and . . . how can you leave us in, well, in where? Looking forward to the next installment.

You know I am not Jane Austen don't you?

 

[straitman]

You know I am not Jane Austen don't you?

Just doing a great imitation. Keep going.

 

[thegurio]

Even without photos I am waiting with anticipation!

 

[drron]

Thank goodness at BNE you can line up in the J queue even though just going to SYD for an international connection.And they bsay MEL is better!

 

[simongr]

Even without photos I am waiting with anticipation!

Next TR has photos :shock:

 

[thegurio]

Next TR has photos :shock:

WOOHOO!!!

<Hoping Simongr has asked QF009 for permission to use Feet ShotsTM>

 

[Keith009]

WOOHOO!!!

<Hoping Simongr has asked QF009 for permission to use Feet ShotsTM>

Feet shots aren't unique to my TRs.

 

[simongr]

The Longest Day

Just a brief outline of what will be one of my longest days of “simple” travelling (I don’t count the jfk-dfw-lax-jfk-bgi-lgw mileage run *cough*). I have 22 hours of flying on 4 flights with 10+ hours in various airline lounges – I am not sure my liver will cope well with the constant barrage of attacks.

The day starts well with a nice breakfast in the lounge followed by a smooth check out (with a somewhat sizeable bill :shock. It has oft been reported that the fastest way from the city to the airport is the Airport Express. I can report officially as timed by Tag Heuer that a Mercedes S class from the Conrad to CX check in desk is a little faster

Journey – HKG-TPE-NRT
Flight no. – CX450
Class – Business
Seat – 14H

I have chosen this flight as in terms of connecting to the AA flight to ORD from NRT my Saturday was going to be shott whatever I flew – so this marginally longer routing with the mini stop in TPE kills more time in the day and has a more comfortable seat than the CX regional J.

Check in is as ever a breeze, as is the HKIAFV channel for immigration Security is not so smooth as they question my non-cutting bottle opener and again offer me a marginally larger zip lock bag for my toiletries (which I dump once in the lounge).

Anyway it’s into the lounge to meet zippy7 – an AFFer n00b whose process of getting to the lounge is possibly not quite as smooth as mine as he has not even heard of the HKIAFV or APEC cards. It is actually nice though to speak to someone who isn’t working for me, serving me or is mrssimongr for the first time in a week…

After a couple of bubbles it is off on the long trek to the Pier prior to boarding the flight – sadly again no op-up on boarding… Strangely there is no offer of any champagne on boarding

I have formulated a grand plan for eating on this journey which included having breakfast in the lounge at the Conrad and second breakfast at the Wing – both of which I skipped – bang goes the plan already! Sadly the food HKG-TPE is uninspiring so I skip this also – looks like it could be a long day…

The flight is unsurprisingly short and unexciting so I read for the entire flight and shortly after take off we are beginning to land in TPE. I decide to stay onboard during the short transit. I seem to recall that I didn’t need to go through security when I transited last time but I don’t feel the lounge is worth the effort and I do remember smoking in the terminal…

I am the only pax to stay on board it seems and what transpires is a fascinating and bemusing rush of people who seem to be doing the same things over and over again – the same papers are moved from one seat to another about 4 times…

After about 45 minutes of this boarding finally commences and after very stressful couple of hours I finally get my champers. The flight is again pretty empty so I am confused as to why they were showing J0/Y0 (which is why I thought there might be an op-up opportunity). I decide to watch “No country for old men” which was a mistimed decision as I don’t see half the film.

Lunch is equally uninspiring (bit of a theme for CX food on this trip) and the garlic bread seems to be getting thinner… The meal is a beef patty with fried rice – kind of weird, neither western or asian. It is served with a reasonable cab-sav (Peter Lehman) that is served a little cooler than I would like but it is drinkable – but I have made a quick switch away from the Deutz champers as I really do find it too acidic for me.

Disembarkation is ok but it is a very slow process through security. Unusually for me I get chatting to a guy in the queue who is also flying on AA to ORD and recently dropped down to PLAT from EXP so in a dramatically massive step for me – I offer to guest them into the F lounge (QF009 take note!)

 

[serfty]

... It has oft been reported that the fastest way from the city to the airport is the Airport Express. ...

Depending upon where one is coming from or going to the AE can be the most efficient in terms of cost by time; especially if paying out of one's own kick!

 

[simongr]

Journey – NRT-ORD
Flight no. – AA154
Class – First
Seat – 1J

I have no issues guesting Jim into the F lounge and we have a reasonable chat – as ever he is stunned by the concept of mileage/status running. I jump online to check on stuff and manage to sample the curry which is great. We have to leave a little earlier than I would like as we are leaving from the satellite terminal

As my guest is in J he wishes me a good flight when F is called and then something amazing happens. There are myths and legends that you hear about as a child which as you grow up you stop believing in. Some you think were never real and others you just don’t think you will get to see in your lifetime – the Unicorn, the Easter Bunny, England winning the football world cup – things of myth and legend. Seeing one thing like this would be amazing but seeing two on a single flight – a true feat of astonishment. First my guest in the F lounge has been op-up’d to F (good for him) but even more amazing there is actually an empty seat in an American Airlines premium cabin!!!!! To think I would see this is amazing – I am tempted to get a tattoo to commemorate this when I get to New York!

So I settle down for AA’s first class service – and what can you say about it? Being served dinner in F on AA is like being served by your friend’s mum – not a particularly good friend, probably the one you only hung out with because he had one of those flash Atari gamnes console. The crew were all slightly older, slightly fatter and slightly less interested than the CX crew on the previous flight.

The food was equally uninspiring and the signature dish of two shrimps and smoked salmon (I skip the salmon) is followed by salad – when will these damn people learn that Salad isn’t a course it’s a side dish! The salad is followed by a reasonable chicken with noodles dish and the other signature dish – the hot fudge sundae (which could do with a little more hot in the hot fudge).

I skip the tape based IFE and watch more eps of V – The Final Battle and Holmes on Homes – with another tear inducing fix up of a terrible situation for someone.

After about 3-4 hours I try to get some sleep which I manage about 4-5 hours of fitful sleep. In retrospect I think 1J was a slight tactical error in seat selection as I get much too much noise and light from the galley.

I skip the AA breakfast in favour of some Ruffles and a coke . With a couple of hours to go I begin to gather up my gear and prepare for landing – which includes the ever-daunting visa waiver document (the ever present fear of having made some minor error in the form and being sent to the back of the queue).

I have a surprising experience in that I think I haven’t lost any property on this flight except for a pill that seems to have vanished. I spend the remaining time on the flight finishing book 7 of Robert Jordan’s Wheel of Time series – thankfully I forecast this in HKG and have book 8 ready to go.

Landing finally commences and I raise the window shades to see ORD approaching with snow everywhere – perhaps this transit may not be the smooth process I was expecting.

Disembarkation is smooth and immigration is surprisingly speedy – despite the fact that although the immigration staff are waiting, the 10 people in front of me being checked by the screener all have problems with the documentation. I am finally (after a whole 5 mins) in front of the immigration staff -0 although with the repeated shuffling of papers I fear that this wont be a speedy entry. Thankfully I am called over by another very friendly border guard who comments on what a lovely place Australia would be to live.

A quick sprint through baggage claim leaves me a little confused as I can’t find the queue to get to the AA departures area and I end up in a United transfer queue. Back to the customs guys in the baggage claim area and I am directed to the AA area (no massive transfer queue there).

From there it’s off to the train through what seems to be a derelict train station and I am not really taking in the fat that I am in ORD. Security and the TSA are surprisingly friendly – I am reminded however that I should put my laptop in a separate tray next time I travel.

All in all 25-30 mins from aircraft seat to departure gates – so far so good for ORD – sadly my luck does not hold much longer…