Top 10 Things You Don't Want on the Airline's P.A. System

[Dyslexic traveler]

1. Ocean crossing flight: This is your Captain speaking, I just wanted to take this time to remind you that your seat cushions can be used as floatation devices.

2. Hey folks, we're going to play a little game of geography trivia. If you can recognize where we are, tell your flight attendant and receive an extra pack of peanuts.

3. Our loss of altitude allows a unique close up perspective of the local terrain. I assure you that it's all part of our airline's new commitment to make your a flight a sight seeing extravaganza.

4. Goose! Bogey at 2 o'clock....and another one on our tail!!!! Eject!!!! Eject!!!!!!!

5. (As the plane turns around right after takeoff)....uhhhhh....we have to go back ....we ..we ....uhhhhhh ....forgot something.....

6. This is your Captain speaking....these stupid planes are a lot different than the ships I'm used to.. so you'll have to give me some leeway...

7. It would be a good idea if right now everyone closed their shades and watched the in-flight movie.

8. We've now reached our cruising altitude of 20,000 feet and ... Oh noooooooo!!!!!..

9. Don't worry! That one is always on E...

10. Hey capt'n take another hit man...

 

[here2go]

On an AC A340 preparing to pull out of SYD back in 2003

"Dear F and J passengers. Due to there not being sufficient Y passengers to weigh the plane down at the back for takeoff, F and J passengers will have to sit at the rear of the plane until the seat-belt sign goes off. You will then be able to return to your seat."

 

[meloz]

What's a mountain goat doing at 20,000 feet?

Meloz

 

[Simo]

Welcome to Tiger Airways

 

[kelvedon]

My father tells a story of a flight he was on in West Africa in the 60's when the FO came into the cabin and asked if anyone had a screwdriver!

 

[SeatBackForward]

"Attention Passengers, in the process of a routine game of The Travelling Lemon, we appear to have misplaced The Lemon.."

(you have to have heard the BBC radio comedy "Cabin Pressure", to appreciate the above)

 

[anat0l]

Cleanup on aisle five!

Sent from my GT-I9300 using AustFreqFly

 

[JohnK]

Flying over Rome on an ATH-JFK flight when the captain informs that we are diverting to LHR as there has been an engine failure. Spent 3 hours inside the aircraft at LHR without too many updates.

 

[Must...Fly!]

"I'm sorry to tell you this, but..."

never ends well!

 

[Reggie]

"As some of you would have alreally realised through the IFE maps function, I'm sorry to tell you, but JFK is experiencing storms and we have had to divert to our alternate -Toronto".

A 16 hour HKG-JFK flight turned into a 20.5 hour flight HGK-JFK(circling)-YYZ-JFK, in a pressurised aluminium can, with 3 year old.

 

[moa999]

You hear number 1 on most AA flights.

 

[munitalP]

Coming into FRA "ladies and gents, the aborted landing was due to a failure of our flaps extending, we will give it another shot shortly.."

SIN to FRA circa 2005