A bit of humour

[Ansett]

 

[Ansett]

 

[drron]

 

[prozac]

Correct, that is not actually an invitation.

 

[NM]

I tried it once ... I wish I had seen your advice first.

 

[Colin 2905]

Not that long ago, Mrs 2905 made a slip of the tongue and said (in a group setting), "Correct me if I'm right".

I should've just shutup.

 

[Flashback]

I tried it once ... I wish I had seen your advice first.

How long did it take till you could open your eye fully again?

 

[drron]

This could have been in the quotable quotes thread but I figured this was the place for other quotes of Laurence Peter of the Peter Principle fame.

“The problem with temptation is that you may not get another chance."



“Aristotle’s axiom: The worst form of inequality is to try to make unequal things equal."



“Speak when you are angry, and you’ll make the best speech you’ll ever regret."



“There are two kinds of failures: those who thought and never did, and those who did and never thought."



“Before publishers’ blurbs were invented, authors had to make their reputations by writing."



“Two things reduce prejudice: education and laughter."



“You don’t need to take a person’s advice to make him feel good, just ask him for it."



“A man doesn’t know what he knows until he knows what he doesn’t know."



“A censor is an expert in cutting remarks. A censor is a man who knows more than he thinks you ought to."



“Psychiatry enables us to correct our faults by confessing our parents' shortcomings."



“Equal opportunity means everyone will have a fair chance at being incompetent."


“America is a land of taxation that was founded to avoid taxation."


“Men now monopolize the upper levels... depriving women of their rightful share of opportunities for incompetence."



“Education is a method whereby one acquires a higher grade of prejudices."


“Originality is the fine art of remembering what you hear but forgetting where you heard it."


“Television has changed the American child from an irresistible force to an immovable object."​

“An intelligence test sometimes shows a man how smart he would have been not to have taken it."


“An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn't happen today."


“Some problems are so complex that you have to be highly intelligent and well informed just to be undecided about them."



“If two wrongs don't make a right, try three."


“The noblest of all dogs is the hot-dog for it feeds the hand that bites it."​

 

[NM]

How long did it take till you could open your eye fully again?

Doctor suggests it may be later this year or possibly next.

 

[drron]

 

[TheRealTMA]

New Zealand begins yacht turn-backs as more ‘super tax refugees’ arrive from Australia

Desperate millionaires try to flee a brutal Australian regime that has threatened to inflict a slight tweak to their superannuation concessions

www.theshovel.com.au

 

[drron]

 

[Cruiser Elite]

 

[drron]

 

[Hvr]

The optimist says the glass is 1/2 full

The pessimist says the glass is 1/2 empty

Excel says the glass is the first of February

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Optimist: "The glass is half full".

Pessimist: "The glass is half empty."

Mum: "Why is there no coaster?"
++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Patient: Doctor, I want to lose weight fast.

Doctor: It is very easy, just keep shaking your head, left and right.

Patient: All the time?

Doctor: No, only when someone offers you food.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

[Hvr]

Two toothpicks are walking through the forest. Suddenly a hedgehog comes running by.

One toothpick says to the other: "I didn't know there was a bus here.“

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

[drron]

 

[Maca44]

The only difference between a drunk and an alcoholic, is one goes to the meetings

 

[Cruiser Elite]

Urinal in Entrecôte

Sign above:

 

[prozac]