A DYKWIA Trapped in Blighty

[opusman]

Harrods, surely? Even Doha airport has a Harrods.

Harrods is shut!

 

[RooFlyer]

Harrods is shut!

But surely they are still doing home delivery to East Anglia!

 

[OATEK]

Before you help yourself to to one of those white fluffy Sunday Roasts in the paddock, you might want to distract the Police by reporting a "gathering" at the other end of the village.

 

[drron]

But surely a Sunday roast in the paddock meets 2 of the requirements-a need to go out to exercise my jaw muscles and secondly it is a medical need to eat.
Besides there would only be TH and the butler to serve the roast.

 

[Catweazle]

I can actually imagine dear ol' A'tony 'ancock reading aloud such a monologue!

 

[TonyHancock]

Well I am not happy. This is what the BBC will be inflicting upon viewers to “unite the nation”, and to think they turned down Celebrity Hanging, Drawing and Quartering and went on to knock back “Press the Poker” another game show, this time involving pompous news reporters and a red hot poker, with a King Edward II theme. (My assumption is that both ideas were rejected because of social distancing concerns.)

It is Thursday evening, or is it Friday? Either way one has to say life is dragging a tad, my assumption is that normal social etiquette is overridden by national crisis and the Martini hour can be brought forward, or just become 24 hours a day.

Life is about learning, and yesterday was a huge day of learning for me. This whole isolation malarkey has left us a little short on the butler and kitchen staff front, so I found myself taking something called a “wheelie bin” to the main gates. Now apparently, and I think this is really clever, one places rubbish in this “wheelie bin” and chaps in some sort of truck empty it and take the rubbish away. It is brilliant. Who would have thought such a thing could exist?

What was even more remarkable was the public support of such a thing. As I wheeled the bin down the drive at 8 o’clock last night I noticed villagers in their windows clapping me in support of my actions. How marvellous! I felt like part of the community.

I go I come back

 

[I love to travel]

Mr Hancock just for interest are you getting Griselda to write any letters at the moment?

 

[TonyHancock]

Mr Hancock just for interest are you getting Griselda to write any letters at the moment?

Indeed I am. She has just posted a letter to Mr Morrison seeking clarification on the hotel I would spend 14 days in if I were to return to Australia. I quite fancy the Intercontinental in Sydney but am quite clear I won't be coming back unless there is Club Lounge Access.

 

[Major]

At this rate you will qualify for a British pension

 

[TonyHancock]

At this rate you will qualify for a British pension

You had to mention the P word! I have private UK, US and Australian Superfunds as well a UK state pension.....Pfft to Australian state pension. The whole pension thing is a complete disaster for me. Griselda is busy sorting it out. Failing that the family Rembrandt collection is going on what Grisleda calls eBay.

 

[Anna]

I was going to enquire if your isolation was self funded but you've beaten me to it. As a self funded person myself I think it's important that those who owe their status to choices made for them by an employer realise that self funded status carries more significance

 

[Ade]

Dear @TonyHancock ,

I'm enjoying every bit of every post written in thread. Such times we are in, posts like these are quite the fun

Keep'em coming

Cheers,
Ade

 

[TonyHancock]

It is looking increasingly likely that I will be unable to return home in the foreseeable future. The Age newspaper reported that Quest has offered all 140 of its properties to the government for Australians undergoing mandatory two-week isolation. I cannot even begin to imagine what a Quest hotel is like, so must remain in Blighty.

What a week of firsts it has been. I saw a family walking their cat, yes you read that correctly, cat, on a lead. Today I saw people queuing to enter a Supermarket, fortunately the people at the head of the queue left a nice space ahead of them for me to walk straight in. They obviously know who I am.

Now I do like the prospect of slipping into my smoking jacket and lounging around for days on end, but this virus thingy is becoming a bit of a malarkey. I think the police are doing a fabulous job keeping the proletariat locked up at home but who are they to decide what is an essential journey for me. I see my new Homburg as essential, but apparently hats are off the essential list. This is particularly bizarre when one considers Easter Eggs are essential.

Thursday nights have become a sort of unusual clap the carer night, which in itself is probably not a bad thing, but when the Scots start playing bagpipes one has to wonder what they really think about their NHS carers.

 

[OZDUCK]

It is looking increasingly likely that I will be unable to return home in the foreseeable future. The Age newspaper reported that Quest has offered all 140 of its properties to the government for Australians undergoing mandatory two-week isolation. I cannot even begin to imagine what a Quest hotel is like, so must remain in Blighty.

What a week of firsts it has been. I saw a family walking their cat, yes you read that correctly, cat, on a lead. Today I saw people queuing to enter a Supermarket, fortunately the people at the head of the queue left a nice space ahead of them for me to walk straight in. They obviously know who I am.

Now I do like the prospect of slipping into my smoking jacket and lounging around for days on end, but this virus thingy is becoming a bit of a malarkey. I think the police are doing a fabulous job keeping the proletariat locked up at home but who are they to decide what is an essential journey for me. I see my new Homburg as essential, but apparently hats are off the essential list. This is particularly bizarre when one considers Easter Eggs are essential.

Thursday nights have become a sort of unusual clap the carer night, which in itself is probably not a bad thing, but when the Scots start playing bagpipes one has to wonder what they really think about their NHS carers.

The idea of Tony Hancock without a Homburg is indeed unthinkable. (We watched "The Blood Donor" the other day.)

 

[TonyHancock]

It has been a funny few days here in Blighty, the admittance to Intensive Care of the Prime minister has caused quite a lot of fuss. I now find myself doubting my memory and wondering if I am in good shape. I was convinced that Spencer Percival was the last man to die in office as Prime Minister of the United Kingdom, but it turns out it is Viscount Palmerston. This quarantine hooey is beginning to affect me in ways I did not expect.

Given Mr Johnson’s incapacitation I had expected a call from Downing Street seeking my assistance in running the country, but a chap called Raab appears to be in charge.

It does look like Mr Johnson is getting through this so I will rue that $5 at four to one on a death in office.

Celebrities, you know who you are, please, please please, just isolate and shut up. I know it is tricky for you attention seeking lovies, but we do not need you to sing, quote poetry, or deliver to us pictures of you posing in your underwear. (That said, I could listen to Joan Greenwood as Sibella in Kind Hearts and Coronets forever).

To our wonderful Scots folk out there………..we really do not have to hear the bagpipes to thank the frontline NHS staff. Those poor people are suffering enough without that particular indignity.

Finally can anyone tell me what a "webinar" is.........Griselda is stumped on this one?

 

[OATEK]

Finally can anyone tell me what a "webinar" is.........Griselda is stumped on this one?

But Tony, how could you not know! It is just having your own TV show!

 

[TonyHancock]

But Tony, how could you not know! It is just having your own TV show!

So I could create a webinar called Hancock's Half Hour?

 

[drron]

So I could create a webinar called Hancock's Half Hour?

Definitely.I will be watching.

 

[OZDUCK]

So I could create a webinar called Hancock's Half Hour?

As long as you can get a supporting cast equivalent to Sid James, Hattie Jacques and Kenneth Williams!

 

[JohnM]

As long as you can get a supporting cast equivalent to Sid James, Hattie Jacques and Kenneth Williams!

Only has to take a very quick look around AFF, surely...