A Return to J, QF MEL-LHR-MEL

[ozmille]

Ha! I'm with you on this one Everywhere I look, spa's spa's spa's. I'm sure they must be great because everyone is giving these massages and getting them, I just can't get myself past weird person I don't know rubbing oil (or whatever) all over me.

I've got to get over it and try one of these though ... they must be really good given what everyone I know says.

I had a massage a couple of times in LHR when arriving BA long haul J and must say they weren't too bad. No oil involved though

 

[Andyzx]

I’m the sort of traveller that can be found searching for his passport on the day of travel, and fumbling in my pockets for itineraries at check in, so preparation and I don’t often meet, and when we do it turns into a kind of disorganised cage fight with me on the losing side.

For a man that does not prepare, you certainly have us well prepared and in plenty of time to marinade....:mrgreen:

 

[anat0l]

I had a massage a couple of times in LHR when arriving BA long haul J and must say they weren't too bad. No oil involved though

The only oil involved when I had a massage at the T3 Elemis lounge last month was probably just to keep the mechanical parts in the massage chair in good order!

 

[TonyHancock]

The Gadgets

I have laid my soul bare whilst writing what I believe, after consulting with the Guinness Book of Records, to be the longest introduction to a trip report ever written. You know the depths of my shallowness, smugness, and selfishness and soon you’ll know my musical tastes.

In flight entertainment, three magical words that makes one think “first run movies, the latest in TV and of course lots of music.” On long haul flights the offering has improved tremendously and if you travel a couple of times a year there is plenty to keep you amused.

For me those three, slightly less than, magical words conjure up “repeat viewing”. It’s like Channel 9 on a Friday night in summer, and as for the music, you would think Half Man Half Biscuit never existed. :shock:

This, the repetitive nature of IFE content, is not really the airlines fault though, it is just an occupational hazard for the frequent long haul flyer. :-|

My attention span is about 30 seconds, at the peak of my cognitive powers, so keeping myself entertained whilst trapped in a large metal cylinder for 22 hours, with lots of people I don't know or want to know, is not an easy proposition. (This, perhaps, gives an insight into my view of international air travel.) There are two approaches, one is traditional and well practiced over many years, the other less so.

The traditional method is to consume the entire supply of shiraz on the plane and sleep, waking briefly to stumble to the SIN QF/BA F lounge and have a dart at the dreadful Johnny Walker Red Label, but this post is about gadgets and I don’t take on board my electric corkscrew and bottle opener so I’ll focus on my digital hardware.

I rarely use the aircraft IFE, when I do it tends to be to check how long to go. (Oh for the days when you could wander to the coughpit and ask “Are we there yet?”.) I bring my own IFE with me, music, podcasts, TV, movies. I have long searched for the perfect combination of equipment to satisfy my requirements and with the rapid change in available technology I have no idea if I’m any closer to finding it.

First on the list is the iPod classic 160GB. I have 27,482 tracks on my iPod. How I look forward to tapping my feet and whistling along to “If I Had a Hammer” by Leonard Nimoy, something else you don’t get on the aircraft IFE.....but I’m digressing again.

27,482 tracks causes a bit of a headache when it comes to searching and finding stuff and takes up a fair bit of iPod disk space....and I know that I don’t have to carry everything in my iTunes library on my iPod, but you just never know when someone might ask for Anita Dobson’s, somewhat, dire rendition of the Eastenders theme tune :shock:, or the cast of Grange Hill performing “I Don’t Like Mondays”! I hate getting caught out like that.)

I keep podcasts, how I love the rustic charm of The Archers, on my iPhone4. I was a latecomer to the iPhone, in fact to Apple in general, but I love my iPhone. Young people tell me it even makes phone calls. :?: Fortunately I rarely want to talk to anybody.

The advent of the iPad has provided the biggest change to my IFE. A device with a battery life of 10 hours that can play movies. The netbook(s) and copious spare batteries are gone, banished to the second cabinet on the left in my study. I use the VLC app to play movies and downloaded TV and normally travel with about 60 hours of varied content. I'm hoping to find a copy of Rutland's greatest railway journeys for my forthcoming trip.

So iPod, iPhone and iPad for my digital media consumption. I also travel with an 11” MacBook Air. It is not normally seen during the flight if everything is working as it should. It certainly won’t be out for work purposes I struggle with work when I’m at work. Macs are not for everyone and there is an excellent thread covering the whole laptop for travel issue here.

Finally the most important gadget - The Bose QC3 noise canceling headphones. They allow me to sleep without being disturbed by my own snoring, avoid having any contact with fellow passengers, and ensure that I can clearly hear the dulcet tones of William Shatner singing, err....perhaps “rambling insanely through” would be better, “Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds”. Bose headphones are quite expensive and not necessarily the best, there is a very good thread here discussing noise canceling headphones.

What else finds it’s way into my bag? A Blackberry Playbook, an Airport Express wireless router, a Netcomm MyZone 3G router, Apple magic mouse, Garmin Nuvi 3790T Sat Nav, assorted cables, two universal travel adapters, two 2.5 inch external hard drives, an X-mini speaker, and assorted SD cards and USB sticks. (Getting through security at airports can be tortuous at times. :-|)

In next week’s particularly tedious offering the subject will be packing/carry on bags.

To be continued.............

Less than two weeks to the report on MEL long term parking! Will I be able to get a space near the front and within walking distance of the terminal? Will my credit card be read and accepted on entry first time? Will I be able to open the driver's door without hitting the BMW X5 or Mercedes M Class that has encroached into my space? All this and not much more!

 

[Misha]

Tony, when this trip report is finally over (though I dread to think how old we will all be by then "Today's installment: 32nd night of jet-lag, post LHR return") I think this will have to be printed, bound and copied for all members for them to knock off time during their own long haul travel - flights over 10 hours only of course

I could just see myself now - I'd be that sad guy reading a book alone on a plane, laughing to himself... :-|

 

[LiamR]

Another great chapter Tony.

I look forward to reading your report on the airport security checkpoint. Will you get picked for the explosives trace detector? Can you fiddle with your bag long enough for somebody else to get picked?

 

[TonyHancock]

The Packing

Many, many, years ago in a dark and distant land known as the LOTFAP I was a frequent flyer with DL. :shock: I spent two years of my life explaining that my, apparent, command of the English language was because I was English and actually I hadn’t just learned to speak the language whilst living in the mid west. That however is not important, what is important is that I learned to travel without checked luggage.....and I thank the good folks at DL for their unintentional, well at least I think it was unintentional, help in getting me there.

In the space of four weeks my luggage had gone missing three times, each time it turned up again, usually delivered to my home or hotel, and once to my old boss's house, a couple of days after it had set out on its own epic adventure. I sat down and said to myself, “Tony, enough is enough, it is time to travel light!” At the time I may have used more expletives but I like to think of AFF as a family friendly site.

My typical working, yes working (hard to believe I know), week started on a Sunday night and finished on a Friday night. I’d travel late on Sunday so that I could be ready for action(ish) first thing on a Monday morning. Typically my return flight was booked for late on Friday afternoon. Five nights in a hotel/motel/fleapit, and not necessarily the same one each night.

I froze immediately. Packing light required planning, a quality, as you have already seen, I have significant deficiencies in. There was only one thing I could do.........Ignore the problem in the hope it would go away and play computer golf on my 75 kg Toshiba laptop. (It was state of the art, the size of a small hatchback and had Windows 3.1 for workgroups .......one for the teenagers there!!!!!)

...alas the problem remained. I would actually have to do something about it.

I planned my hotel stays to get two consecutive nights at a hotel with a laundry service, or at least a washing machine (very tricky when you are staying at Motel 6!! I have fond memories of the one in Nashville with bullet holes in the ceiling :shock, and packed my business and casual wear accordingly. It turned out to be relatively easy, but looking back I was a real novice I could have fitted a lot more into my rollaboard, after all most Americans seemed to travel with their kitchen sinks. (It was this stage of my life I discovered the importance of getting on to the aircraft early!)

By the time of 9/11 I was based in Australia, but still visiting the US a little, and I just gave up on carry on. The hassle factor with electronics and searches made me revert back to checked luggage. How I laughed when those three little letters, SSS, appeared on every boarding card. :!:

Thanks to a quirk of fate, who would have thought so many people could leave a business in one year, I found myself inadvertently and quite without any merit, elevated into a mildly senior role in the business I worked for. (If you have been keeping up with this nauseating drivel you will remember it is the bit about me swanning around the world in OW J cabins.) Whilst my luggage never set off on it’s own whacky adventures I did find the, seemingly endless, waiting at the carousel for my F tagged baggage to turn up a little tiresome.* (I’m convinced that the baggage handlers in Australia look for the yellow F tags and hold them back.) Admittedly it took me about five years to get to this stage, I list procrastination as a key strength on my CV, and more importantly a link on AFF (Thank you jdlover23.) to an article in the NY Times to get me back to thinking about carry on only. After reading the article I found myself, once again, packing light for 1-2 week trips. There is a wonderful thread devoted to packing light here.

So what does a high powered executive need for a week long trip to the UK for important business meetings I hear you ask? I have absolutely no idea whatsoever, but, as an indolent, rather pointless middle manager, I need the following for my 9 day trip (Yes I really will be making a trip.):

4 Business Shirts - can also double up as casual
2 Polo Shirts
2 T Shirts
1 Crew Neck Sweater (Cotton - lightweight)
2 Pairs of Chinos
1 Pair of Jeans
1 Jacket (In more enlightened times they were called blazers)
5 Pairs of Socks
5 Pairs Underwear
1 Pair runners (lightweight without laces)
1 Pair Business Shoes (Comfortable)
1 Clip on Tie
1 Raincoat (Lightweight aka a cagoule, cagoul, kagoule or kagool)
1 Wash bag (Razor, shaving cream, deodorant, toothbrush, toothpaste, lip balm)

Along the way I’ll pick up two pairs of Qantas J Pyjamas and four amenity kits....and that pretty much sorts out my Christmas shopping!

I’ll travel with two bags and aim to keep them under 7 kg each. I have an STM Revolution for my lovely gadgets, and a cheapo wheeled 20” carry on, for which, I have had a custom QF tag made up to ensure everyone knows who I am.



For flying I’ll wear one of the business shirts, over a T shirt, a pair of chinos, business shoes, socks and underwear (Don’t you just hate flying commando?) and the jacket. I’d normally wear thongs, a singlet and boardies, but I need to wear the extra clothing so I don’t have to pack it....oh yes and I don’t want to offend the good folk in the F lounge.

I’ll get laundry done at my palatial hotel to ensure I keep fresh!

...and so endeth another installment of the introduction. Only just over a week to go to the trip start.....providing the ash keeps away and Mr Joyce doesn't cancel my flight because QF is losing money on it's international business. (I can just see it now, I wait over two years for a paid J flight and finish up on DeathStar!:shock


* As a footnote I make a point of standing with my feet just behind the white or yellow or red line that surrounds the baggage carousel, why do people insist upon standing directly in front of me?

 

[flychrisfly]

A whole week to wait?!! Well, okay then. Thanks for the very amusing report so far

 

[ozmille]

Love the massive tag!!! saw my first black one yesterday. The guy was quickly escorted from J to F though

 

[GOONER]

Along the way I’ll pick up two pairs of Qantas J Pyjamas and four amenity kits....and that pretty much sorts out my Christmas shopping!

Classic, actually lol then!!

Great TR cant wait for the next installment.

 

[TonyHancock]

The Post Pre Trip


Check in was successfully completed without the use of a PA and without any major disasters. I carefully entered required passport information and clicked the through the buttons, including the DYKWIA button to ensure my boarding card was appropriately marked. Always better to be safe than sorry.





There are also a couple of late gadget changes to announce.

The first is the addition of a Nikon S9100 compact camera. I figured I needed to at least make an effort with some photos.

The second is a Sapido RB 1602 wireless router, thanks to a recommendation by NM. It is smaller and lighter than my Airport Express and is perfect for turning hotel wired broadband into wireless.

....not long to the Long Term Car Park review!

 

[TonyHancock]

The Long Term Car Park

It was a bright sunlit day when I departed my humble abode in the South Eastern suburbs of Melbourne. I donned my burberry driving gloves and set off for the delights of MEL.

A relatively traffic free journey aw mw arrive at The Long Term Car park in 50 mins, and a full 3 hours and 15 minutes before departure.



The long term car park at MEL is huge, it is, well, the size of a large car park.

Unusually after inserting my Amex card the machine returned it to me an allowed me to enter. I say, unusually, because it normally either a) keeps the card, or b) spits it out with a message that the card can't be read. :?:



Typically my indolence knows no bounds. Any journey over 100m is completed by some sort of vehicle, I'm a firm believer that when it comes to using stairs, god would never have invented lifts and travelators.

..however when it comes to Melbourne Airport Long Term Car Park bus it is just not an option. Admittedly it is now more than four years since I have used the Long Term Car Park bus, but life is too short to wait for it. I have a long track record that involves waiting more than forty minutes on more than three occasions, and chasing a complete half wit across the car park who had decided to take my luggage instead of his own.

For this, and for, well, may reasons, my colleagues friends and family believe I am insane.

Driving around the A (front section) of the long term car park today I didn't feel insane. It seems I am not the only one that parks and walks instead of parking and riding. This is my second successive trip that I cannot get parked in the A1 section. :shock:

Before anyone tries to take my idea and steal it I have patented the Tony Hancock frequent parker scheme, and I am in the Chairperson's Lounge. (AKA Section 1A)

With my abject failure to obtain a premium spot I find myself seeking a parking spot in the SG section - giving me another 100m to walk.



....and after my 600m walk I find myself at the terminal.

Yes it is time for the check in

 

[docjames]

Photo of the Burberry driving gloves?

 

[Fantic125]

Photo of the Burberry driving gloves?

Please, please, please say you have a matching Burberry scarf and hat.....

 

[TonyHancock]

The Check In and Immigration/Security


There is something deeply satisfying about entering the First Class check suite at MEL, it has to be done from the pavement, entering through the side door on the inside just doesn’t cut it.


When the automatic doors swish open, you find yourself in a world away form the hustle and bustle of the international terminal. This is not bogan country, or more accurately wasn’t bogan country until I walked in. To be even more precise I consider myself more of a chav, but that is for another thread.


On every other occasion I have visited the first class check in suite, there has been no one else checking in, today was no different. Two members of staff were sat behind the counters and one stood waiting to take any luggage away. (I, as you already know, had none.)


As I have repeated, ad nauseam on this forum, flying is an occupational hazard for me, and nothing I look forward to. The QF MEL First Class check-in, however, is up there above the F lounge for me. It is tranquil, unhurried, the staff have never been anything other than excellent. I am made to feel welcome and valued. Without fail I have been checked in by staff with a good sense of humour and fun. It is almost magical. I hate to think that it might ever be “enhanced”. :shock:


Today was a little better than the usual excellence. I handed my two boarding cards and passport to the engaging polite, highly capable, and funny CSA. and enjoyed some standard travel banter. He complimented me on being organised, not something I am used to hearing, and proceeded to print a new boarding pass for my flight to Singapore.


The banter had been about the need to go to check-in if one had checked-in online and had carry on only. He quipped “As you came to see us we have sorted a better seat out for you.” (At this point my mind was in full panic mode - I already had what I, and several members of this site, believe is the best seat in J) :-|


The seat turned out to be 1A, which I conceded, to myself anyway, was a little better than 12E. I thanked the CSA and headed out into the hubbub of the main check in area, or chavville as I prefer to call it. I was unusually less grumpy and miserable, a state I rarely find myself in.


I do not expect op-ups they are not a common occurrence but they are to be savoured, and one to F had me a little worried. As a longstanding Chav would I know what to do? I had visions of myself having the seat in full on flat mode before take off.




...and so to security and immigration. The queues were relatively short but the express lanes help enormously. Straight to the front...very DYKWIA.


Surprisingly the contents of my STM backpack did not require me to put it back through the scanner again. iPad and MacBook Air in the tray, along with liquids and gels, and everything else into my bags.


I almost missed the window of opportunity over at the “explosives check”, but managed to compose myself and slip through whilst the poor chap after me was held up.


Immigration was a breeze, although it never ceases to amaze me how many people wander down the express aisle. They clearly DKWTA.


Duty Free....mmmm...expensive, but unfortunately convenient to pick up on the way in. Smokes, jeez they are expensive, for ‘er indoors, and a bottle of Bailey’s and Dalwhinnie. Buying Bailey’s duty free is like buying Diet Coke.....but to ensure my life is worth living on return it has to be done. The Dalwhinnie helps me maintain my sanity after the Dan Murphy’s cleanskins have worn off.


Having already walked from the Long Term Car Park I thought about hijacking a golf like cart to get me through the interminable number of duty free shops to the F lounge, but unfortunately could not find one.


Walking seemed to be the only option and that is precisely what I did. I do believe there will be even more shops to get through when renovations are complete. This is a rather unpleasant experience I have to say.




...........to be continued.


It is the full glory of the Melbourne F lounge with at least one photo next!

 

[TonyHancock]

Photo of the Burberry driving gloves?

Stylish eh?

No matching hat and scarf..........yet.

 

[KitKat]

Congrats on the Op-Up, nice gloves too...... am sure you can get the other accessories in LHR

 

[ejb]

The gloves actually exist?

I thought they were part of the story surrounding this in depth TR.

I didn't realize people still used driving gloves.

Loving the TR. Keep up the good work.

ejb


Sent from my iPhone so please ignore auto corrects!

 

[TonyHancock]

The MEL F Lounge


A few years ago I started work on my family history, most people find something a little unusual.......not me. I am the product of many years of agricultural labourors. Nothing wrong with that, but it gives some indication of my thought process. (“Oi that’s my potato, get your hands off it”.) I put my background down to my love of F Lounge chips.


I never quite feel I belong in the F Lounge. I should really be down in the terminal with everyone else, Admittedly this feeling lasts as long as it takes me to go up the elevator and into the lounge.....but it is a feeling none the less.


Today I have a certain swagger. I’m actually sitting in First Class. Yes, you over there WP, I’m the real deal. Not only am I a WP I’m right up there at the pointy end, and doesn’t get any further forward than 1A.


A part of me says: “Anthony, get yourself over to the restaurant and order yourself something posh like the calamari.” I just can’t do it though. It’s the chips, I love the chips. So I sit in my normal seat, a double sofa, halfway down the lounge and order a glass of the Penfold’s 2008 Bin 28. (At least I think it was Bin 28, it is all a bit hazy now,)


When the nice chap arrived with the menu I ordered my favourite - the club sandwich and the chips. I positively salivated at the combination.


My dream combination duly arrives, as did a refill of the Bin 28. Oh the chips. It is coughic. Crunchy on the outside, yet soft and fluffy on the inside. Can Fred Perry, or is it Neil? really be behind this heavenly creation? I restrict myself to 3 chips a minute to maximise the sheer gorgeousness of the moment.




Lost in my, almost, orgiastic desire for the chips I lose track of time. I’m busy writing up the MEL Long Term Car Parking aspect of my trip and find the boarding call both surprising and distracting. I barely have time to go through the A380 section on the QF website. OMG I’ll look like a complete bogan to the F Class staff.


Actually it is quite surprising I feel this way, I have just consumed a bottle and a third of the Bin 28, surely I shouldn’t care?


.....I know it will come as a shock to some of you, but I’m actually going to get on a plane soon!

 

[TonyHancock]

The Flight...MEL-SIN


Unusually I am feeling, what some people have described as......happy. I think the one and a third bottles of Penfold’s Bin 28 have had a positive effect on me.


My recollection of departing the F Lounge and embarking the big shiny cylinder that was to be my home for seven and a half hours is hazy. I vaguely remember showing my passport to someone, and of course my boarding card.


I do remember a particularly attractive young lady escorting me to my seat. (I wondered if I had done something wrong. In my mind being escorted anywhere normally involves the police or a corrections officer.)


Seat 1A was for all intents a purposes quite marvelous. I soon got myself acquainted with the controls and seat belt. (Thanks to bossreggie I knew there was a sash element!) Another delightful young lady spent a few minutes explaining the controls to me just to ensure I could be dangerous.




Take off was so smooth. I keep forgetting just how quiet this particular big metal cylinder is. Much quieter than the other one with the hump on top.


I almost felt guilty for not using the 17” TV screen with the choice of loads of movies and TV. However that guilt was short lived as I settled into Fire in Babylon, on my iPad, the story of the rise to power of the West Indies cricket team of the 70’s and 80’s. Spectacularly good documentary. If you like cricket it is brilliant, actually damned good if you don’t.


I chose not to avail myself of the tasting menu. After a couple of G & T’s I decided upon the soup, followed by chicken and scalloped potatoes, and then the cheese. I’d love to tell you more about the food, but quite frankly I was near on slaughtered.






I almost managed to get a picture of the main course, but unfortunately devoured it before I could do so. Five glasses of the Penfold’s 2004 St Henri did nothing to help my coherence, but did make me quite sleepy and certainly very mellow. I am still coming to terms with managing to get a shot of the cheese plate.


About 30 minutes before landing the CSM woke me from my stupor to let me know we were about to land. She apologised profusely for the abrupt awakening. I’m surprised she managed to stir me at all.


Interestingly I am now in possession of some sort of device that allows me to see in the dark. (Makes mental note to ensure duty free magazine is well out of reach on the SIN-LHR leg.)

I also seem to have a headache. There is something about Singapore when I am in transit. I always seem to get a headache. Come to think of it it is the same for Bangkok and Hong Kong. It must be transiting through Asia.

I see in myself a development in my character. Under normal circumstances my trip report would be a simple "took off, drank, ate, drank, drank, landed." AFF is helping me be a more rounded person. (MrsH thinks I'm round enough, but that is a whole new story.)


SIN F Lounge next....