update...so, at the suggestion of posters, I have talked to both Q and Jetstar...
some good news....
although JQ did not contact me - "someone" added (no charge): luggage - 40kgs/person (way way more than we need); iPads for all (no charge) - I am waiting for an email so I have this in writing (I have a screen shot of our luggage allowance) - what they did not add is seat selection (but that is $7 person as the extra leg room seats are gone and we have little kids - getting on & off the plane quickly even if up front sit is a fantasy) or food and I'm debating whether we should order meals or bring our own - not because of the cost but because of quality - are the JQ paid for meals decent? I consider Q business class meals decent...sometimes the Q economy meals but if you are paying for the meals on JQ perhaps they are more like Q business meals or is that wishful thinking.
Q will check our bags all the way through upon check-in at Melbourne (and I only have 2 hours between landing in SYD and departing SYD-HNL, so that's good) - and here's the kicker - because this is a FF ticket, our JQ allowance (with the freebee allowance above) is now greater than our Q allowance as apparently your status baggage allowance doesn't apply to FF bookings. I have learned so much from this - most of it is not what I wanted to hear, but at least I know it now.
We go over light, we come home from the USA heavy so I will need to determine if we need to purchase additional Q allowance for the way home but at least I can do that from HNL (apparently need to do 3-4 hours in advance - once they open check-in you can't pre-purchase)...and of course, in the US, there is always the option of giving a really good tip to the skycap and voila, no additional fees (a good tip is less than the fees)
I know many of your think my complaints were without merit...but at least someone at both Q and JQ saw some merit in them and did something about them...and I'm fairly happy at this point - mostly because I got something for my aggravation (I'm no difference than most...I just want to be heard (and agreed with
)...I'm still not looking forward to flying long haul non-direct with my kids, but oh well - we cannot afford a sky nanny at this point (said in jest - for the most part)