Diary of a DYKWIA 2013

[TonyHancock]

January 2013

Time seems to fly for me as I begin 2013 trying to avoid getting on a plane. The inevitable can’t even be delayed and I find myself forced to take an overnight jaunt to BNE ahead of the already planned trip to Shanghai/Shenyang.

Christmas had been a period of reflection, I had contemplated changing my name to Nick LaGalle in a bid to enjoy QF’s domestic premium boarding but like many great ideas it fell into the can’t be coughd basket, although in reality it was never going to take off, I’m not sure I could live with a French sounding surname.

A more substantive solution to my premium boarding nightmare was to avoid QF’s domestic connections for international flights altogether, but then having two PNR’s for trips seemed doomed to failure.

So after two weeks of deep thought, brainstorming, and creative thinking I chose to do nothing different. Although having said that I believe I was successful in perfecting indolence.

At least on purely domestic trips DJ, well I guess VA now, was the option of choice. I had over 100,000 points in the bank 580 SC’s, and four complimentary upgrades with eight months before the end of my membership year.

Being not particularly bright, some might say borderline dim, it had not crossed my mind that booking a trip with DJ three days after the change to a new booking system may be problematical. I just charged in booked my flexi fares MEL-BNE-MEL, called up and used points to upgrade. I was more excited at trying The Hilton in BNE for a night.

As it transpired things could not have been smoother on my, newly named, VA flights. As I arrived in the lounge Moana, who I am reliably informed is a lounge supervisor, waved and greeted me with a jolly “happy new year”.

The Hilton in Brisbane proved perfectly satisfactory, and at $152 for the night reasonably priced.

ExpertFlyer showed QF400 as J4 Y0 so after changing seats once it did not surprise me to find myself with no seat allocation and the inability to select a seat in MMB. What did surprise me was my boarding pass when I checked in, yes it was J, but no seat number. I went to the service desk 30 mins before departure and received a surprised look. A call to the gate left me with 1D handwritten on the boarding pass. :shock:

Boarding had already been called and the divider between premium and non premium lanes was moved to the left effectively negating PB. At the gate service desk I was handed a new boarding pass with 1C on it. I come from a school of thought that says one really shouldn’t complain when you receive a gift, in this case an op up, but the whole PB failure really grates with me.

Seat selection for SYD-PVG had not gone well. It was an A330 config where 23 F & G are the only seats available for selection in the forward bulkhead. 23A, B, D, E, J and K are bassinets. 23G had already been taken, so finished up opting for 24J. I guess I was testing the system. QF129 has rarely been full to capacity in my experienced and I gambled on a P1 shadow. This all fell apart at about 07:45 when Expertflyer showed 24K as occupied. In the F lounge I asked if I could now get 23B, a question that was unanswered as I was told that 25D was available with E and F blocked. That would do the job for me.

By 09:30 25 E and F were occupied. There were 10 unoccupied seats in Y. I wondered how it worked. Had I been trumped by CL’s or higher status P1’s? Unlikely, clearly a couple needed to be seated together and 25 E and F were probably the only two seats together.

It had been a long time since I had experienced anything other than a bulkhead or emergency exit on a longhaul flight in Y and my god it is damned unpleasant. Even when the seat in front was not reclined it was very claustrophobic.

The CSM popped over to see me and make sure all was well...and after two very large glasses of red and a cheese platter the time just flew by!

Nothing really new in Shanghai, but I did get to try domestic air travel again, with Shanghai Airlines, a subsidiary of China Eastern. Once again I found the experience as good as any other 2 hour domestic Y flight, actually better than deathstar!

Shenyang was a touch chilly at -24 deg C, but the DoubleTree was an excellent retreat from the cold. Warm cookies and a well stocked exec lounge bar were most welcome. The highlight of the trip was seeing the massive Bentley dealership in the centre of the city. Communism eh? What’s that all about?


mmmm toastie!!

The return journey proved a little more pleasant. I had been monitoring QF130 all week and it was clearly oversold in Y, and sure enough an op up awaited. The 3rd party lounge at PVG is still poor but better than the terminal and at least I could grab a couple of straight Jack Daniels’ to keep my spirits up.

An early arrival in SYD meant a change to an earlier flight to MEL and 23A on a newly refurbished 767. I found myself sitting next to Steve Rixon but he didn’t bother me at all. (Obviously I would have given him my autograph if he had asked nicely but he didn’t and left me in peace.)

My final flights of January formed a day trip to BNE. Conscious of the need for QF points I risked the lack of PB. At MEL I arrived at the gate 5 minutes before scheduled boarding to find it had already started. Surprisingly I was able to walk to an empty PB lane. I spent the whole flight in a state of shock.

For the return journey I decided to conduct some research on PB, and arrived at the gate extra early. Seated next to the PB lane I was able to count the number of pax using the PB lane. I was third from last to board and was the 80th person to us the PB lane. It was a 737. :?:

The CSM greeted me as I boarded, looked at my boarding card and offered to help find me a better seat. (I managed to get an earlier flight and was in 6E on a full flight.) It was a nice touch but one in vain.) but I did get home two hours earlier though.

February will see a trip to Europe all in Y.

If you want to read my 2012 diary it is in the form of a blog and starts here. I decided to present my inane thoughts as rolling trip report for 2013.

 

[cove]

It is really good to see you out there.
I am so glad I got cut from Shanghai for work seeing the 2 day a week routine would mean I would be there for about a full half day. Thank goodness they are working on their "marine layer".
If you hit a golf ball in Shanghai you might not find it unless it hits the marine layer and drops back at your feet.
That CSM greeting seems to lift your spirits and that is really great.
Europe in all Y is something I want to read about!

 

[Simo]

look forward to seeing the constant updates.

 

[QF WP]

look forward to seeing the constant updates.

X2. Subscribed

 

[RooFlyer]

January 2013

February will see a trip to Europe all in Y.

Horrors!!!

 

[TonyHancock]

February 2013 Part One

When I clicked the confirm or pay or whatever the button is to finalise a flight on the QF site I wasn’t really filled with dread. In my heart of hearts I knew QF would look after me on an all Y return trip to LHR. There was a little part of me that that thought QF won’t make me sit there, they are bound to squeeze me into Y+ or J.

...but let’s take a step back. Why was I even contemplating a trip in Y to the UK? Well times were tough, business a little slower than I would have liked and I had two other staff members heading to the UK. I needed to keep my costs down and this was an unbudgeted and last minute trip...and yes it was a necessary trip.

My final destination was Berlin, but I also wanted to take the opportunity to see some customers in the south of Germany. To make the trip even less appetising I would need to fly BA’s EuroTraveller class. Mmmm nice! The European excursion would have me taking a LHR-MUC flight, a train...yes public transport..to Berlin, and finally a TXL-LHR flight...or so I thought. Six hours by train from Munich to Berlin was not something I had any intention of trying so it was time to have a stab at AB.

Expertflyer was almost permanently on my screen for the week before QF9/1 beckoned. (Why on earth had I thought the extra 20 SC’s I would earn by splitting my flights was necessary I have no idea.) My confirmed seats were 66A on QF9, 48C on QF1, and 35K on QF2/10 on the way back. It was clear that QF9 MEL-SIN was oversold in Y so it was not much of a surprise when EF showed 66A as empty on the day of travel.

An upgrade to Y+ was confirmed at the ever wonderful F check in desk, and the next task was to eat and drink my way through the F lounge in order to avoid Y+ food....not that there is anything particularly wrong with Y+ food it’s just the F lounge dining is so much better.

In the lounge I had a wonderful catch up with chocsaway and dot. Like me dot had been upgraded to Y+, whist chocsaway was turning left into Emerald City.

It had been more than two years since I had travelled Y+ on a QF 380 and to be fair it is not a bad experience at all. The drinks flowed...hic...and time hurried by. The service was pretty good although the CSM didn’t pop by with a personal greeting.

SIN presented a new challenge...find the EK lounge. OK I understand that this should be relatively easy, but you have to remember I’m 9 hours, including lounge time, and two and a half bottles of red into my journey. My brain is normally on auto pilot. Straight down the concourse turn left at the end and then left again up the escalator. Now it was straight down the concourse, veer a little right and up the escalator.

Oh my! What a change! An uncrowded lounge, fillet steak, fast wifi. I like this change.

Expertflyer was showing one seat available in Y, otherwise a full plane. Oh how smug I felt to see an X on EF next to my seat. The smugness lasted for about 9 minutes and three screen refreshes. The plane was absolutely full. :shock:

I was eager to board, even though I knew full well that the boarding process for those sitting in row 48 was no longer the one originally planned by QF I hoped against hope that the message had not filtered through to the CSM. With the Archbishop of sydney on board the prospect of seeking a blessing whilst quaffing champagne and wandering through F, (I assume he was in F) quite appealed to me.

Alas, and not unexpectedly it was not to be. The CSM had already spotted I was a P1 and once the vast majority of Y pax had tramped past me to their seats I was presented with a glass (yes glass not plastic cup) of champagne from F. Hic.

Once we were up in the air and the seatbelt sign was off the cabin supervisor popped over to see me with the offer of a red from F, a cheeky little Pinot Noir accompanied by a bowl of nuts. Very nice. No need for dinner for me!

Y travel meant a change in electrical devices. The little tray tables meant I needed an iPad mini rather than the full size effort, and I didn’t take my brand spanking new 13” MacBook Pro Retina either, it was the trusty 11” MacBook Air that came with me. The iPad Mini worked a treat and after a five hour, slightly unsettled, snooze it was time to watch some movies and TV.

For the majority of the flight my fellow Y pax stayed well away from the acres of space in front of me, and then as if everyone received an invitation hordes of pax decided to visit the galley and stand directly in front of me drinking hot chocolate. This lasted for about an hour and then peace and quiet resumed for the remainder of the flight.

I did take the breakfast, and to be fair the pale looking sausage tasted significantly better than it looked, although this could not be said of the somewhat stodgy looking scrambled eggs.

We arrived early and surprisingly LHR ground staff managed to cope with this. The F pax all prepared for their exit through the forward left hand door, which was a little bit of a shame for them because we actually disembarked through the second door and there was a touch of farce as Y pax were now blocking the way. Fittingly, in my mind anyway, I managed to disembark first.

Ordinarily I would race to the AA arrivals lounge for a shower and a decent feed, but on this occasion my P1 status counted for nought. My trusty Priority Pass card came out and it was off to the Air Canada arrivals lounge. It is not a bad arrivals lounge, the food is limited, but the showers are mighty fine, and it is not as crowded as the AA lounge.

Avis delivered a car in the booking class I had ordered. It was unfortunately French though. :shock:I shouted in English at it constantly and felt much better about it.

 

[TonyHancock]

February 2013 Part Two

Eighty Seven quid bought me a room at the LHR T4 Hilton. I can’t say often enough how good the Hilton Diamond status match with VA was. A couple of whiskies in the Exec Lounge probably wasn’t what the doctor ordered but was certainly most welcome. Hic!

So far so good, I had survived my flight to LHR, it was not as bad as it could have been. It was obviously awful, but it could have been much, much worse. Things started to go wrong shortly after joining the “express” (you have to love the British sense of humour) security lane. There never seem to be enough staff at LHR and the ones that are there tend to be standing around doing nothing. [Sarcasm]Shock, horror[/Sarcasm] my backpack was selected for secondary screening. Yes I do carry a fair bit of electronic stuff and I do accept that this will happen relatively regularly but there must be a more efficient way of carrying this out. Each item was meticulously removed from my backpack, prodded with what I assume was a device for detecting explosives, and then placed in a tray.

The tray was taken away for a second x-ray.....and this is the bit that worries me a little. Should I insist on going back with all my bags so I don’t lose sight of my possessions? The tray came back and I emptied it into my backpack and scuttle away to concourse B and my, by now, imminent flight.

BA does PB well. (Are you reading RedRoo?) I didn’t get time to bask in the glory of effective PB because I was preparing for the flight, this involves switching off a Blackberry, iPhone4, iPhone5, and an iPad Mini.....or would have done if I could find my iPhone5.:shock:

Munich was cold and there had been a heavy snowfall, so heavy that the chap meeting me was going to be one and a half hours late. Now patience is not something normally associated with me...but that one and a half hours was to prove very useful. It was an opportunity to ring lost property at LHR. “Sorry you’ll have to wait, we don’t log items that have been handed in for two days.”

"Golly gosh", or something along those lines, I thought, as I paid 4.95 Euros for the t-mobile wifi and looked up Optus’ website.

I had turned the mobile data off on my iPhone5 because I had yet to buy a UK prepaid nano sim.. So no "find my iPhone"! One international call later and Optus had blocked/cancelled or whatever they do to stop the phone being used. “What larks” I would have thought to myself had I not been thinking a string of foul profanities.

Southern Germany in snowy winter is like a scene from a Christmas Card, what I don’t understand is why there is not complete and utter carnage on the roads. I think I came close to death twice on the 170 KM journey north from Munich. Icy and wet roads and 155KM/H left me with cramp in my right hand from gripping rather too tightly on the door. I would like to tell you about the beautiful scenery but my eyes were closed most of the time.

Some of you may remember that I am not overly keen of leaving hotel bookings in the hands of others. Mmmmm no carpet on the floor, a TV with a screen not much bigger than my iPad Mini, no wifi in the room, and a single bed. Not a good start......however there was a redeeming feature so great that I could happily live with these inconveniences. The hotel had it’s own brewery...yes it’s own brewery...hic....



After trout soup, that’s correct, trout soup, it was delicious by the way, I feasted on three beautifully cooked medallions of “Bambi”. Washed down with, yep you guessed it, beer brewed in the onsite brewery. Did I mention that this hotel had it’s own brewery?

I was a little less grumpy by the time it came to fly to TXL. Two days had gone since my iPhone had gone missing. The lost property office at LHR had not had one handed in, but I was told it might take four days. I held off reporting my phone as stolen and decided to visit the lost property office upon my return to LHR.

AB was OK, I was on a 737 sitting in row 2 with a “shadow”. Nothing fancy but AB seemed keen to honour it’s OW requirements faithfully. I had been naive, having looked at the website I asked at the check in counter if I could take my rollaboard as carry on along with my backpack. “Nein” I was told. (Well actually I was told “no”, the rather attractive young lady behind the counter spoke excellent English, which was good because my limited German would have only raised concerns that there may be a British World War II fighter aircraft overhead.)

I had to check my rollaboard in! :shock: When I boarded how I wish I had not asked at the counter, I swear that one chap was boarding with a trabant under his arm!! It was worse that the USA.:shock:

Berlin is a place I had not been to before, and whilst it was dark when I arrived I was a little surprised at how run down parts of the city were. My assumption was that these parts had previously been in East Berlin. The Hilton was excellent. A King Exec was my upgraded room and the exec lounge was one of the best I have been in on my limited Hilton stays. The mini cheeseburgers and mini pizzas were quite "moreish".

Unusually for me I did take some time to site see and walked down to the Reichstag and The Brandenburg Gate. I do like the Germans and I pay them the ultimate compliment of being the antithesis of the French.

 

[TonyHancock]

March 2013 Part One

After a sandwich in the rather shabby BA lounge at TXL I ventured down to security screening which operated with the sort of ruthless inefficiency I would normally associate with Indian Bureaucracy. Three passport checks within 15 metres and a hopelessly inadequate screening process. (The flight was late departing because of the screening bottleneck.)

As you have probably guessed my iPhone5 was not to be seen at the lost property office and I resigned myself to filing a police report.

Public transport and Tony Hancock are not two things that meet very often, but I had decided to try the Heathrow Express and, unusually for the UK, it is very effective. Fifteen minutes to Paddington station. I jumped on The Tube at Paddington and half an hour later I was being shown to the lifts at the Tower Bridge Hilton.

I called the Police crime reporting number and reported my phone as stolen, and then headed off to The Shipwright Arms and downed four pints of bitter in 50 minutes. Hic. (I was having an off day so apologies for a very disappointing performance on the drinking beer front.)

The Exec Lounge was being refurbished so space was made available on the second floor for a temporary lounge. It was a little noisy, because of the lobby bar, but adequate and the food and drink offerings were fine.

I awoke to the sound of my Blackberry ringing, it was the Metropolitan Police following up on my crime report. “CCTV you say? Why yes there must have been CCTV at LHR T5 security screening” I said. “Aghh perhaps, but I think it is wiped after two days” came the response. Two days....the same period of time it take for things to get to Lost Property. Mmmmmmmm.

After a hearty breakfast. I love black pudding, I took a stroll along The Thames. I hadn’t done that for years and despite the cool, grey, day it was actually quite pleasant.



LHR was as busy as ever. The QF F check in desk is not in the same league as the MEL one and if I’m honest the staff are not what I would call customer focussed. No op-up, this was going to be serious I was about to spend twenty odd hours in a cramped seat. :shock:

No secondary screening? What’s going on there then? I suppose I should be thankful.

The T3 BA F lounge is OK, but it is a little worn and is a bit of a come down from the T5 F lounge, but the wine is good and the food offerings OK. I took the opportunity to eat in the lounge rather than on the plane. I was not filled with desire to eat a Y dinner.

Green light, no it can’t be. :shock: I willed the boarding pass scanner to beep and flash a red light but it didn’t. Oh the humiliation of turning right on the top deck and beginning the long walk through J and Y+ to get to 35K. I looked around the cabin and managed to get my backpack in the overhead space above my row, and my rollaboard into the overhead space above row 34. There really is not enough overhead space in this cabin. My jacket went in with my rollaboard in the absence of any other options.

The chap next to me introduced himself. I hate that. Great now I have someone who wants to talk to me. "Sigh".

We took off and I waited patiently for my personal greeting from the CSM or the cabin supervisor. I continued to wait. I waited through the dinner service, I chose not to eat. I waited as I poured wine from a small bottle into a plastic cup. I continued to wait through episodes four, five and six of House of Cards. (The US version, it is OK but not a patch on the UK version.) Finally I dozed and slipped in and out of consciousness as I battled with the discomfort.

About an hour out of Singapore the cabin supervisor finally appeared, standing for what seemed like an age, trying to match the pax manifest with the actual pax. “Was everything OK MR Hancock” she said, I responded with “I guess OK”. “Oh” she said. I explained that I was a little disappointed and felt a little undervalued as a P1 frequent flyer.

At least there was the EK lounge to look forward to in SIN, and it did not disappoint. A fillet steak and two G&T’s later and life seemed a little better.

Unfortunately QF10 was awful, and I can’t blame QF too much for the discomfort I suffered for over 8 hours. The chap next to me was a big sort of fellow. Now I’m not exactly slim, but I don’t need to occupy 10% of my neighbour’s seat in Y. :shock: I do however need my full seat to be in some comfort though.

No visit from the CSM or the cabin supervisor, I was really beginning to understand what it is like to travel as an NB. Oh the inhumanity!!!

If all goes to plan I will not need to do this again...ever...however one financial crisis and this will be my lot again! Please can everybody go out and buy lots of fridges and cars and pretty much anything with steel in it.

Having unpacked, showered, filled the washing machine, and glugged back a couple of Red Bulls I raced to the Apple Store to buy a new iPhone5.

I really do love Apple, particularly their 14 day money back returns policy. How much fun it was to head back to the Apple Store to return my new iPhone5 the next day. Funnily enough within one business day of The Police contacting lost property my iPhone5 magically appeared. Yes seven days after disappearing it reappeared. Perhaps it had just been on holiday. I have a great deal of cynicism, I can’t help thinking that if I had immediately contacted The Police it might have magically appeared within 48 hours of disappearing....I really do hope I’m wrong though. I do need to have more faith and less cynicism when it comes to humankind.....or then again maybe not.

I get five and a bit days before I head back to Blighty again.....but in J and F. Oh how I will bore you with that.

 

[cove]

So brave to have a big Y passenger ooze onto you!

 

[Must...Fly!]

I do like the Germans and I pay them the ultimate compliment of being the antithesis of the French.

This sentence put a smile on my face!

Looking forward to future editions

PS Also loved the view of the Bridge and HMS Belfast. God how I loved London...

 

[Austman]

As you have probably guessed my iPhone5 was not to be seen at the lost property office and I resigned myself to filing a police report.

Find my iPhone? Find My iPhone - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

The rest of your report is very depressing.

 

[TonyHancock]

Find my iPhone? Find My iPhone - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

The rest of your report is very depressing.

Unfortunately my mobile data was turned off, and I checked with Apple it does need to be on, or wifi enabled. That said I'll be collecting it on Sunday morning from LHR lost property. What is better is that I will be flying J to collect it.

 

[JessicaTam]

I shared your pain flying Y. I hope you are never struck with such an affliction again.

P.S. I am a buying a new car with lots of steel in it soon.

 

[cmon0005]

Good to see Feb and march Tony, I always look forward to reading your entries..maybe you should become a writer?

 

[cove]

Are you trying for 7 trips to Blighty?
I think we are only doing 3 or 4 this year.

 

[QF WP]

The best laid plans always go wrong, cove.

He just needed to see how the majority travel and he has resigned himself to not flying that way again....ever!

 

[TonyHancock]

Good to see Feb and march Tony, I always look forward to reading your entries..maybe you should become a writer?

Thanks for the compliment, but I fear I'm far to dim to be a writer.

Are you trying for 7 trips to Blighty?
I think we are only doing 3 or 4 this year.

I never quite know at the start of the year, but I have four more trips booked - starting tomorrow, and two more likely trips. :shock:

The best laid plans always go wrong, cove.

He just needed to see how the majority travel and he has resigned himself to not flying that way again....ever!

mmmm more hope than resign!!

 

[simongr]

Great work TH - we are of one mind it seems when it comes to both the French and the Germans it seems. I went to Berlin when I was 15 (bloody hell that was 27 years ago :shock both East and West and it was one of the most memorable experiences of my life.

 

[TonyHancock]

March 2013 Part Two

An early diary entry necessitated by a) boredom and b) my relatively imminent shiraz induced stupor.

Circumstances combined to leave me in the MEL F lounge three hours and ten minutes ahead of the planned departure of QF9. So, to recap, just under a week ago I was heading back to Australia cursing QF for a lack of customer service, however today QF is back in my good books.

Firstly my Y adventure traumatised me so much that I requested a points upgrade, from J to F, on QF1. This was duly granted and I'm 35,000 points, I can't really afford to spare, worse off, but at least know the CSM will come and visit me! (Am I that vain that I would sacrifice future comfort for a visit from the CSM? err apparently yes!)

I have spent two days pressing F5 (that is the key my computer not First Class availability!) on my saved flight availability query on ExpertFlyer. I know it is sad but how I love to see Y0. Alas I have not seen Y0 for QF9, I have unfortunately seen a lot of Y9. This is highly unsatisfactory. F9 (That really is First Class availability rather than the key on my computer) gave me hope until Thursday when it turned into a rather poor F2 (yep still first Class availability!). :shock: This obsession with availability is beginning to concern me, although not enough to do anything about it!!

The First Class Check-in Suite is my favourite part of QF, and sadly my life. It is a calm oasis in the excrement hole that is MEL INT. The swish of the automatic doors and the smiling, welcoming faces is one of the great wonders of QF. I am perhaps a little biased in my assessment, on the last four trips to Blighty I have received an op-up or complimentary upgrade for the leg from MEL.

Today was to be no different. As I entered the through those swishing automatic doors I already knew I was about to hear good news. I had been refreshing the seat map for this leg on EF for the previous 50 minutes on my journey to MEL. (...and no I wasn't driving.) Three hours and fifty five minutes before departure seat 12E mysteriously transformed from occupied to blocked. Whilst ordinarily I am an economy plastic cup half full sort of fellow I had experienced this scenario four times previously.

Seat 1K was to be my new home for eight(ish) hours. Far from ideal but not on the "Truman Show" A and F side , although I would have settled for 2A, 3A, or 4A. (I had to settle for 3A on QF1 because 2K, 3K and 4K had already been snaffled up. )

So to bring things up to date I'm two glasses of Cliff's Edge 2008 (hic) into my F Lounge visit, and have already "stuck with tradition" and consumed the club sandwich and.....drum roll.......F Lounge Chips!



Unusually I'm not sitting in my regular seat....and through choice. :shock: I have opted for a seat in one of the two TV areas and am watching the England v funny little country where the commentators seem to struggle with vowels Cricket Test match.

For once I am content with my lot. Does life actually get any better than this?

(I am not, however, going to have one of those funny looking desserts with a wig though.)

 

[JessicaTam]

Nice to see that things are looking up for you Tony! I was probably exiting MEL dom as you were arriving.

Try the pav, you might like a little taste of orstrayia (or niew zilland)!