The saga has concluded.
By now, surely no one is reading this. But hey, in 7 years time when someone stumbles upon this thread because they are having a similar issue, I'll finish the story so they aren't left hanging. It might be me, reading back thinking what a moron I was (and probably still am). Hi future me!!!
I received the tickets from AmEx at 2pm, about 45 minutes after I was told 1-2 hours. Can't say enough good things about the person I dealt with there. She's a star.
Jumped on Qantas website, and yes, the upgrade option has returned! I press Request Upgrade, and the page errors. I go back, refresh, do it again, and the request is confirmed. The REQUEST is confirmed, not the upgrade. Not good, there is U availability, it should have gone through. I cancel and try again, the page errors.
So, it's last dance time. Back on the phone to Qantas for one final time, telling myself that this is it, if this fails, I'm going to go whack a little white ball around and take out some frustration, and it will be what it is. Gotten far too stressed over something so irrelevant.
Wait time is apparently "less than 15 minutes." Call answered in about 10. Person does not seem that knowledgeable, and responds to my request to process the upgrade at their end due to the website not letting me by telling me she can't do that, because in order for her to do it on the website I would have to give her my personal information and that's not allowed. I think the thought I wanted her to literally just login and do it for me on the website because I'm too stupid to figure it out.
Once we got on the same page, she asked to put me on a 1-2 minute hold. 10 minutes later she returns and asks if I want the upgrade for one or both passengers. Sigh. Nah, gonna leave the missus in economy. Yes, both please. Back on hold for 15 more minutes. She then returns and asks for the frequent flyer number I want to use. Mine.
Now she has stopped putting my on hold, and I can hear that she has someone guiding her. I assume she may possibly be a complete newbie, and I'm hoping this may work in my favour, as someone more knowledgeable is assisting. Two people working on it is surely better than one? Because she hasn't put me on hold this time, she has instead put herself on mute, so eerie silence is all I have.
The rollercoaster continues. Whilst this is happening, I'm refreshing EF, because when I made the change earlier today it was at U4, but by the time it ticketed, U2. And it has NOT been a Beautiful Day.
With eerie silence still emanating from the phone, and as the phone call ticks past the hour mark, EF suddenly shows U0. I am hoping this is a sign of success, but fear it may be the nail in my coffin. This is where things start to get really interesting...
I open MMB to check for any change. My original booking is still there. The SYD-PER leg shows Upgrade Status as Requested. BUT suddenly... I have a 5th flight. They have added the 2 hour earlier SYD-PER flight (a 737) onto the bottom of the booking, and it's confirmed in U. What the? Then, boom, the points are deducted. Some truly wacky stuff is obviously going on at their end.
Then, after more than 20 minutes of deathly silences, it's "THANK YOU FOR YOUR PATIENCE..." and I damn near had a heart attack. Like, literally almost fell out of my chair. Holy cow.
So, after my heartbeat dropped DOWN to somewhere near a thousand BPM, and I had fetched a new pair of underwear, she advises that it's all done. I refresh MMB, the 5th flight has now disappeared, I'm back to the correct 4 flights, and the 4th leg is confirmed is U.
Rejoice, I have slayed the Qantas dragon. Well, actually, they slayed me. Well and truly. Not a fun experience. But, the result has been achieved.
If you read this far, question your sanity. But I do appreciate you.
TL;DR - Story ends in success, and I am considering developing it into a screenplay. Thread participants please advise your first choice to play you.
Thanks to all.