General Estate Planning issues (Wills, PoA, AHDs)

[Flyfrequently]

Can I request condtions to my funeral in a will? I need to start planning for the possibility and I want to be cremated privately.

Another option to stipulating in your will @prozac you can also do a Letter of Intent - I think that is what it is called.
You outline what your wishes are and although not legally binding, next of kin know what you would like.

My dear departed Dad had his "yellow envelope" we all knew about it, where it was and what was in it, and all agreed none of us to sneak a peek before his demise.
He had 3 pages, made it so much easier - except the bit were he had a list of those who could and could not attend his funeral!
The only request we did not comply with was, he didn't want his death notice in the paper until after his funeral. We placed it the morning of - didn't stop a few from the banned list showing up!

 

[prozac]

Another option to stipulating in your will @prozac you can also do a Letter of Intent - I think that is what it is called.
You outline what your wishes are and although not legally binding, next of kin know what you would like.

My dear departed Dad had his "yellow envelope" we all knew about it, where it was and what was in it, and all agreed none of us to sneak a peek before his demise.
He had 3 pages, made it so much easier - except the bit were he had a list of those who could and could not attend his funeral!
The only request we did not comply with was, he didn't want his death notice in the paper until after his funeral. We placed it the morning of - didn't stop a few from the banned list showing up!

I don't want a celebration, I haven't done enough in my life to celebrate. If hardly anyone were to show up that could be an embarrassment to my family so no external guests. I just want a cremation, no-one in attendance, I don't care what happens with the ashes.

 

[Happy Dude]

I heard an interesting radio segment about funeral wishes a while ago where the guest had written a book on death and the events around it, including funerals. She said that most people actively avoid discussing the details whilst the departed is alive so the relatives are left with guessing what they might have wanted. She'd seen families break down over arguments about Mum's favourite flower (lily?).

I don't recall any formal/legal process or documents being discussed, just a strong suggestion that a list of wishes be compiled by the (soon to be) deceased and often paid for in advance, distributed in advance to those charged with organising the funeral. Still appears to be a leap of faith that the plans are followed.

 

[MEL_Traveller]

I heard an interesting radio segment about funeral wishes a while ago where the guest had written a book on death and the events around it, including funerals. She said that most people actively avoid discussing the details whilst the departed is alive so the relatives are left with guessing what they might have wanted. She'd seen families break down over arguments about Mum's favourite flower (lily?).

I don't recall any formal/legal process or documents being discussed, just a strong suggestion that a list of wishes be compiled by the (soon to be) deceased and often paid for in advance, distributed in advance to those charged with organising the funeral. Still appears to be a leap of faith that the plans are followed.

I think that’s right. My understanding is that at least in some states, funeral conditions in wills aren’t legally binding?

And notwithstanding that the will may not even be read until well after the funeral… it’s not necessarily the best place to put your wishes.

Advance communication is required, either a statement or letter. Again, not sure how binding that is. Or pre-pay the funeral to get exactly what you want!

 

[Happy Dude]

I think that’s right. My understanding is that at least in some states, funeral conditions in wills aren’t legally binding?

And notwithstanding that the will may not even be read until well after the funeral… it’s not necessarily the best place to put your wishes.

Advance communication is required, either a statement or letter. Again, not sure how binding that is. Or pre-pay the funeral to get exactly what you want!

The main gist of the segment was the difficulties around not discussing wishes whilst alive, whilst acknowledging the awkwardness of the conversations.

Mrs Happy Dude is one that deems such discussions as vulgar and inappropriate and will not participate such discussions despite seeing firsthand, several times, those difficulties. The most egregious example was my sister-in-law changing my brother's funeral to a full Catholic mass the day after my parents had made plan for a simple service. He was about as religious as Ricky Gervais and had verbally told my parents to keep it simple (or words to that effect).

 

[OZDUCK]

I have mentioned this a few years ago. My MIL was very determined that she have no funeral service just a cremation with no attendees. I queried her on this several times but she was adamant. She prepaid the funeral just as she wanted. After she died we went to the funeral directors where she had prepaid and they tried very hard to convince us to have a 'service' at their premises and basically said that my MIL wouldn't know so we should do it. I refused and in the end we had a little afternoon tea at our house with some of her friends and family attending.