thewinchester
Established Member
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- Oct 3, 2006
- Posts
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Ok, so seven sectors, 90SC and 8.9k in points isn't much, and normal people would have flown the most direct route. This is never the case once you've caught the frequent flyer bug - so here it goes, my first trip report for my first quasi-run
The trip came about from a 1-day workshop in CBR, where a whole bunch of online marketing professionals from across Australian Government were getting together to talk about their websites. More specifically, how the use of web analytics is helping them achieve their goals and outcomes - a boring subject for most at the best of times.
And suddenly the thought sets in - how many points and miles could I suck out of this trip for the least expenditure, or at least have some fun trying to do it. A few days of plugging away at the QF domestic multi-stop booking systems, and I'd come up with an idea…
PER-MEL-HBA-MEL-CBR-SYD-BNE-PER… all inside four days.
$1267 lighter for the flight (higher for booking late, but still discounted by $150 over the price being displayed after adding all the legs to my basket) the trip was booked.
Points wasn't really a concern for this run, because I had a few I wanted to burn and wanted to treat myself to a sector of decent length in J. Only previous J sector was a short BNE-SYD a few years back, and this was before the J lounges came into existence.
And now, a mandatory PSA
Before I continue, the Office of Film and Literature (OFLC) has requested I classify this post as MA, and advise that it is not suitable for persons under the age of 15 (neckless aliens and animals are OK). It may contain;
Let the games begin
24hrs before departure, time to stop by OLCI to get my seats. Decent seat allocations received, including one exit row window allocation meaning no BP's.
I check again around 6:30pm the day of departure, and manage to move forward a few rows on the shorter sectors. Pickup the bags, leave the office and deciding a little exercise was needed - a nice brisk walk to the airport from my office, a short 50min away on a balmy evening.
Check-in agent Kristen was a chirpy soul, a pleasure to deal with - specially considering that as soon as I'd approached the desk and done the greetings, I'd already given her the information she needed to avoid the exit row questions and get me on my way to the QP for three hours of relaxing, soft cheese and cold meats consumption before take off.
Things I didn't know about ODU and other bad mannered QPubbers
Having spent a few extra dollars on some upgradable discount economy tickets, I was aiming to get an upgrade to J on MEL-BNE to enjoy the hospitality of MEL's J lounge for breakfast - another treat for a busy and frankly rubbish year.
Approaching the QP PER desk, I was politely informed that they are only allowed to issue ODU's for tickets from their port. A polite thank you, and another comment about my sunny disposition from a staff member and I was on my way.
Sadly, the usual spots near the window were spoken for by members who'd already claimed those spots with their bags before walking away. Thanks to renovations, almost all of the window seats are no more.
One of those QPubbers, an older gent with a fascination for tweed, having claimed a seat with his carry on, wasn't seen for nearly an hour being in the laptop zone engrossed by a Harry Potter screening on the TV, bless.
Thankfully, the lounge was reasonably quite when I arrived, and still a few good seats facing the tarmac available.
A reasonable selection of food on offer in PER, from the array of soft cheeses and cold meats, crackers, a nice soup and salad selection, followed by of course the mini cakes - sadly no brownies. All kept fresh and reasonably stocked during the visit.
So, time to get comfortable, sit back and relax, and catch up on some TV and emails before that boarding call - assuming the occasional guest with a loud voice doesn't drag you back to reality from this trance.
Thankfully Harry Potter keeps the kids quite
It's 9:30pm, 1 1/2hrs into my QP relaxation session and the rest of the red eye crowd start to arrive - including parents with parasites (sorry, offspring) in tow arrive for the procession of red eye flights from PER. Thankfully this evening's batch has no crying babies or kids with attention spans of a nat, helping to keep the peace for the next few hours.
And just as quickly as the red eye crowd arrives, the PA awakens. The Lounge Dragons weren't kidding with their 9:45pm PA asking pax to please make room for other club guests by removing jackets from seats. The place was nearly full before this call - and when the MEL boarding call goes out - the lounge empties out save for a few people on later flights.
QF648 PER-MEL
VH-EBJ A330-200 3K (J)
Well, just my luck that the two bogans inhabiting the QP earlier were in J. They arrived before I did, and despite being half a world away from me I could still here them across the lounge. Thankfully they'd not had too much to drink, settled down on board in 1D/E and pretty much didn't make a peep for the whole flight thanks to FA's and the CSM who saw them coming and took it in their stride.
Only ~4 seats free in J, and Y was a full load from my initial vantage point. Pushback was about 5min late, taking off on RWY03/21.
Obligatory meal photo coming up:
Supper: Breast of roast chicken with mushroom cream sauce, snow peas, and sweet potato mash, served of course with personal favourite on-board beverage (Bundaberg Ginger Beer) and sourdough bread (not pictured, still warming).
Being someone who loves sourdough, this was reasonable one. For anyone who knows sourdough, the taste of it changes over time thanks to a yeast starter which chefs keep using and feeding for years to come. QF's yeast starter for this batch needs a bit more ageing to hit that sourdough sweet spot.
Service seemed a little rushed, with the FA's a little too eager to clear up, but none the less were attentive to pax needs.
Being someone who always gets a fair bit of bad luck equipment wise, this flight was to be no different. The CSM had already warned me and fellow pax in 3J that the call button was faulty and going off at random, engineering unable to fix while on the ground at PER - no really biggy.
This wasn't the end of items to be put in the engineering log, with the adjustable headrest on my millennium seat unable to stay up and its wings locked in position half way out. It was uncomfortable to put it mildly, with the wings pressing down on my shoulders. I'm still feeling the effects of that in HBA due to the sleep depravation it caused.
The option was there to move, but given the pax next to me was a fellow public servant who looked like they'd just gone 10 rounds with Aussie Joe Bugner, I decided to let her remain fast asleep, recline the seat so the effect wasn't as bad and suffer through to MEL.
Entertainment wise, no IFE as you'd know - common screens at front and mid cabin showing 500 Days of Summer. Audio channels weren't much chop either, not as good IMHO as previous months.
Not my kind of movie, so out with the macbook pro to juice up on some cabin power, headphones into the Nokia N97 for some music and write up this trip report. And just as we start typing things up, we pass over Adelaide where our pilot had already warned us before takeoff we were to encounter some turbulence - and he wasn't kidding.
Ok, so the turbulence wasn't the stuff that'll send parts of you flying into the bins and bulkhead, but it would have been enough to give those with a mild fear of flying a good fright. As someone who loves turbulence - call me a sadis_ - it was quite timely that the music player spat out The Best Thing by Boom Crash Opera.
Back to things that go bump in the sky, it wasn't enough for the Captain to switch on the seatbelt sign, and its pretty much turbulence all the way until our descent into MEL. Good for me as I could get some Z's - interrupted only by the snoring of my neighbouring pax.
Arrived 7min ahead of schedule, but not before a hairy landing where the pilot used the whole length of RWY27/09 getting to a decent just before the piano keys and in time to turn off to TWY M. Queue 10min wait getting of the plane while the CSM gets the aerobridge organised, and the FA at the front of our cabin realises that her fellow FA looking after my area hadn't retrieved my jacket for me before landing.
Back to the lounge - MEL Dom QP
Up the air bridge, take a left and make a beeline for the QP. Once past one very grumpy Lounge Dragon (so grumpy that I wasn't even greeted with a hello or smile), straight to the service desk to see if there's an ODU available for the QF1011 to HBA. It was a case of "computer says no", confirmed on Expert Flyer showing only 1 J seat remaining and nothing in award categories leaving me "standing on the outside looking in" at the Business lounge. Looks like it just wasn't to be.
So with the laptop nearly at a full charge from in-seat power, toast, juice, web browsing and shower are the order of proceedings possibly followed by a small snooze before the next sector.
Of course, the two bogan pax in J from PER are back again. Looks like they have more J flying to go, and I'm sure to the delight of other business lounge pax they've not figured out their BP's get them in there.
Once again, the curse of the Telstra WLAN point strikes - with the first location in the lounge picked giving full signal but not much else. The blighter couldn't hold an authenticated connection to save its life, leaving me staring at the screen waiting for the gatekeeper page to appear before being transported to the obnoxious website of whichever mega-company has paid to sponsor the service this month (Clue: normally referred to as I Blame Microsoft).
Now, let's blow off some steam about the MEL Dom QP
In a past life, I was a service quality auditor - more frequently known as a mystery shopper. Like a samurai, I was paid to pounce without warning, be hidden in plane sight, and would know your service levels, standards and expectations better than 95% of your own staff and give your bosses the goods on what's not working and where the opportunities for improvement are.
The MEL Dom QP sent me into a bit of a spin this morning and there's a few things that need some attention to improve the passenger experience:
QF1011 MEL-HBA
VH-??? 737-338 10F (Y)
He without sin cast the first stone, or so said the bible. I know i've done it once or twice, but at least I learn that you don't recline your seat all the way in Y without at least checking to see you won't kill the pax behind you. And you specially don't do it as soon as the seatbelt sign comes off.
Sadly, 9E&F did that exactly as we hit level flight, not even allowing time for the defensive water bottle to be put in place. Both me and pax opposite were none too happy as their setbacks slam into our knees.
Breakfast was the order of the day, insert another obligatory food shot.
It's the first time I've been on a flight with a breakfast offering in Y of this quality. I'm not a museli man, but a excellent brand and quality ingredients. For those with a marketing bent and a fascination with packaging - I was surprised to see that a custom Pura Milk pack had been designed for onboard catering.
A triumph of product engineering, someone had the smarts to design two hexagonal 'rings' around the pack allowing it to be laid flat on the tray and not role around, pure genius IMHO.
Being only a 1hr15min flight, as soon as anyone had a chance to polish off the breakfast offering it was time to prepare the cabin and get ready for landing.
Just for those keeping score, the positive events on this trip aren't going in my favour. So it shouldn't surprise you that something else is about to gnaw away at me. He was an FA, Michael, Mid 40's and not exactly seeming to enjoy his job.
Once the call came to prepare for landing, I did what any considerate frequently flying pax would do - pack down and secure their laptop - never an easy task when your bag is under the seat and the one in front is at full recline. Already struggling to get the thing away in what can only be described as a game of twister at 33,000ft - the FA barked at me to put the laptop in the overhead compartment. This was despite me visibly trying to wrestle it into the safety of my backpacks padded compartment. He of course fails to notice that 9E&F had not brought their seats into an upright position.
Not 15sec later, having just about got everything packed up and bag back under the seat, a female FA barked almost the same thing… and she failed to notice 9E&F. She notes this to another FA following her up the cabin, who politely sakes 9E&F to bring their seats upright before politely offering her assistance to me regarding stowing my laptop.
When I informed her politely that I was already trying to place it into my bag under my seat when I was barked at by the two prior FA's and that the laptop is now secured, she apologised for the confusion and went on her merry way.
HBA arrivals and departures
I've criticised PER in times past for being Australia's worst and not having moved anywhere past its 1940's military origins. I'd now like to retract those comments and bestow the dubious honour of worst Australian airport I've ever had the displeasure of using to HBA.
To say this terminal and services are from the stone age would be unfair and insulting to those inhabiting the planet during that time. Not even they would want to be associated with this turgid dross they're passing off as a terminal - where the QP is before security, and only a single baggage belt servicing QF and JQ flights.
The reclaim area is more suited to hosting a flea circus then pax from the JQ and QF flights that arrived within moments of each other. Purple business tags on the bag were useless as expected.
And while a nice QP, reasonable crowd, the food was shall we say lacking. I was talking to some fellow QPubbers, a group of three lovely education sector employees, one of whom has a fetish for crosswords - who remarked that in a state famous for its fresh produce - cheese in particular, there was no decent cheese plate on offer.
I just couldn't help agreeing with them, and think its about time some of the lounges got their acts together and featured local quality produce on their food offerings. Heck, the QP is a captive audience - how hard would it be for a small card next to the cheese plate or whatever local produce was on offer, highlighting its local origin and quality. I'm sure a local cheese supplier would bend over backwards to do that, and even offer the product at a deep discount to feature their wares somewhere targeting premium and discerning people.
Transiting to Hobart
I used the shuttle bus, which is AUD15 one way and AUD25 return. I'll be emailing them for a refund as their driver flew past my agreed pickup location at, despite being there well before the agreed time and waving him down furiously. I even tried to chase after him, but having not slept much since 6am Friday morning I virtually gave up and hailed a cab.
An extra AUD38 lighter, I get to the airport around 3:30 and thanks to a very kind check-in agent at HBA when I arrived earlier, my bag was already checked in through to CBR so I didn't have to worry about luggage storage.
Hobart, or how I gained an appreciation for Bratwurst
Salamanca Markets, 11am. Pub breakfast and on-board energy having worn thin, its time to sample the local produce. I was really heading for a local gastropub (honest) when this smell came wafting across - a pork bratwurst with garlic and herbs. I can describe that thing only as heaven in a bun, so good I ordered another one - both washed down with a Cascade apple cider.
You'll not be spoilt for choice down that end of Hobart food wise, with at least two gastropubs, casual dining and a wide variety of cuisines to wet the appetite. If you can't find something you like down there, check yourself into the nearest mental hospital, or grab yourself a side serve of mashed potatoes in truffle oil with a locally reared MSA prime grade beef filet.
Salamanca Place has a massive market, operating every Saturday between 8:30am-3pm. You'll be able to pick up everything, from local arts and crafts, souvenirs, artworks, gourmet foods, books, and even a farmers market with top quality local produce. I'm sure there's a lot of other stuff which will interest you.
If you are shopping at Salamanca, not all the vendors will accept credit cards or eftpos. ATM options are limited and there's always a 10-15min queue. My advice is get cash before you go there, or if you do forget to load up the wallet - there's a little newsagent in one of the many sandstone buildings alone Salamanca Place - name of the store escapes me. Outside there's a Commonwealth ATM everyone queues up for - but step inside and there's an ANZ ATM that's stopped following customers long enough to mean short queues because not everyone knows its in there (thanks to the Woodcrafter who gave me this tip). A RediATM is also available in Salamanca Lane, again with queues.
Working in the forestry sector, I've gained a whole new appreciation for wood and some of the wonderful artworks people come up with in this medium. My find at Salamanca was a wooden figurine of a platypus and tasmanian devil. All of these were hand crafted, and while they may look simple to the untrained eye, the careful selection of the wood, styling and finish makes these a stunning piece. Photos of those will come in part deux of this epic tome.
QF1012 HBA-MEL
737-338 9A (Y)
I remember the boarding, the departure, and arrival, but everything in-between is a blur. I thankfully caught those Z's I missed out on coming from PER.
MEL Dom QP/QP J
Having arrived in MEL, I decided to see if there was a spare upgrade available on my last flight of the day, and the last upgradeable ticket for the trip. Wendy at the QP service desk took a look, laughed her head off when seeing my email address in the PNR, and happily obliged for the 8k in points. Catering wasn't confirmed due to numbers, but that's usually sorted out by the time of boarding (even if it's only 40min to pushback).
First time in a J lounge, and I would kind of call it what airline lounges were like in their heyday. Firstly, much better selection of food, good positioning of facilities, lots of space. No time to try a custom sandwich - more straight to traditional fare of a leek, potato and mushroom soup, sourdough bread, followed by a LLB and some nibbles which was just enough to see me through to final boarding call.
QF866 MEL-CBR
737-338 3F (J)
I feel spoilt, having 2x J flights in the same day. While I do love the millennium seats, its a shame that in-seat power isn't consistently available across the network. IFE on this flight was also having some issues, with significant tracking problems with the tape or equip. Programming cutting out a few times meaning if you were laughing at the ep. of Gary Unmarried where he tries to get his pool table back and attempts to blackmail his former partner using some very steamy photos then you were flat out of luck.
Cabin crew were on the ball here, even managing to push back 9min before schedule and arriving even earlier still at CBR. Sorry for those expecting a gratuitous food shot for this sector - the camera was still in my coat pocket, neatly tucked away by the cabin staff.
On the menu was an antipasto salad of streaky bacon, mesculin, feta, sun-dried tomatoes, and artichoke, with risoni with a lemon herb dressing. Sourdough bread accompanied the salad, along with a nice bite sized bran apple muffin. And for those interested, the pre-flight drink offerings were sparkling water, and an apple and strawberry juice which I must say tasted quite good.
CBR was an absolute breeze, within 5min of exiting the plane and down to baggage claim the belt had already fired up…. and shock horror, my priority tagged bag was one of the first on the belt. Straight to the taxi rank, with more than enough cabs waiting and available, and I was in and out of the place inside 15min, a personal best.
And now, let's take a deserved intermission
Well, that's my epic tome for this leg done. Cheers to all the lovely FA's, ground staff and QP team members whom I've had the pleasure of interacting with. Jeers to the MEL lounge dragon who could have scared your kids witless with her 6am face, and the two FA's from MEL-HBA who need a good wingtip to the back passage.
Look forward to giving you part deux of this trip report, which will include the sights and sounds of Canberra, as well as the home leg via SYD and BNE back to PER. And as its my first trip report, please be gentle
The trip came about from a 1-day workshop in CBR, where a whole bunch of online marketing professionals from across Australian Government were getting together to talk about their websites. More specifically, how the use of web analytics is helping them achieve their goals and outcomes - a boring subject for most at the best of times.
And suddenly the thought sets in - how many points and miles could I suck out of this trip for the least expenditure, or at least have some fun trying to do it. A few days of plugging away at the QF domestic multi-stop booking systems, and I'd come up with an idea…
PER-MEL-HBA-MEL-CBR-SYD-BNE-PER… all inside four days.
$1267 lighter for the flight (higher for booking late, but still discounted by $150 over the price being displayed after adding all the legs to my basket) the trip was booked.
Points wasn't really a concern for this run, because I had a few I wanted to burn and wanted to treat myself to a sector of decent length in J. Only previous J sector was a short BNE-SYD a few years back, and this was before the J lounges came into existence.
And now, a mandatory PSA
Before I continue, the Office of Film and Literature (OFLC) has requested I classify this post as MA, and advise that it is not suitable for persons under the age of 15 (neckless aliens and animals are OK). It may contain;
- occasional coarse discourse,
- gratuitous use of cultural and musical references that'll be hard to miss,
- a sex scene (at least in my dreams), and
- excessive consumption of soft cheeses.
Let the games begin
24hrs before departure, time to stop by OLCI to get my seats. Decent seat allocations received, including one exit row window allocation meaning no BP's.
I check again around 6:30pm the day of departure, and manage to move forward a few rows on the shorter sectors. Pickup the bags, leave the office and deciding a little exercise was needed - a nice brisk walk to the airport from my office, a short 50min away on a balmy evening.
Check-in agent Kristen was a chirpy soul, a pleasure to deal with - specially considering that as soon as I'd approached the desk and done the greetings, I'd already given her the information she needed to avoid the exit row questions and get me on my way to the QP for three hours of relaxing, soft cheese and cold meats consumption before take off.
Things I didn't know about ODU and other bad mannered QPubbers
Having spent a few extra dollars on some upgradable discount economy tickets, I was aiming to get an upgrade to J on MEL-BNE to enjoy the hospitality of MEL's J lounge for breakfast - another treat for a busy and frankly rubbish year.
Approaching the QP PER desk, I was politely informed that they are only allowed to issue ODU's for tickets from their port. A polite thank you, and another comment about my sunny disposition from a staff member and I was on my way.
Sadly, the usual spots near the window were spoken for by members who'd already claimed those spots with their bags before walking away. Thanks to renovations, almost all of the window seats are no more.
One of those QPubbers, an older gent with a fascination for tweed, having claimed a seat with his carry on, wasn't seen for nearly an hour being in the laptop zone engrossed by a Harry Potter screening on the TV, bless.
Thankfully, the lounge was reasonably quite when I arrived, and still a few good seats facing the tarmac available.
A reasonable selection of food on offer in PER, from the array of soft cheeses and cold meats, crackers, a nice soup and salad selection, followed by of course the mini cakes - sadly no brownies. All kept fresh and reasonably stocked during the visit.
So, time to get comfortable, sit back and relax, and catch up on some TV and emails before that boarding call - assuming the occasional guest with a loud voice doesn't drag you back to reality from this trance.
Thankfully Harry Potter keeps the kids quite
It's 9:30pm, 1 1/2hrs into my QP relaxation session and the rest of the red eye crowd start to arrive - including parents with parasites (sorry, offspring) in tow arrive for the procession of red eye flights from PER. Thankfully this evening's batch has no crying babies or kids with attention spans of a nat, helping to keep the peace for the next few hours.
And just as quickly as the red eye crowd arrives, the PA awakens. The Lounge Dragons weren't kidding with their 9:45pm PA asking pax to please make room for other club guests by removing jackets from seats. The place was nearly full before this call - and when the MEL boarding call goes out - the lounge empties out save for a few people on later flights.
QF648 PER-MEL
VH-EBJ A330-200 3K (J)
Well, just my luck that the two bogans inhabiting the QP earlier were in J. They arrived before I did, and despite being half a world away from me I could still here them across the lounge. Thankfully they'd not had too much to drink, settled down on board in 1D/E and pretty much didn't make a peep for the whole flight thanks to FA's and the CSM who saw them coming and took it in their stride.
Only ~4 seats free in J, and Y was a full load from my initial vantage point. Pushback was about 5min late, taking off on RWY03/21.
Obligatory meal photo coming up:
Supper: Breast of roast chicken with mushroom cream sauce, snow peas, and sweet potato mash, served of course with personal favourite on-board beverage (Bundaberg Ginger Beer) and sourdough bread (not pictured, still warming).
Being someone who loves sourdough, this was reasonable one. For anyone who knows sourdough, the taste of it changes over time thanks to a yeast starter which chefs keep using and feeding for years to come. QF's yeast starter for this batch needs a bit more ageing to hit that sourdough sweet spot.
Service seemed a little rushed, with the FA's a little too eager to clear up, but none the less were attentive to pax needs.
Being someone who always gets a fair bit of bad luck equipment wise, this flight was to be no different. The CSM had already warned me and fellow pax in 3J that the call button was faulty and going off at random, engineering unable to fix while on the ground at PER - no really biggy.
This wasn't the end of items to be put in the engineering log, with the adjustable headrest on my millennium seat unable to stay up and its wings locked in position half way out. It was uncomfortable to put it mildly, with the wings pressing down on my shoulders. I'm still feeling the effects of that in HBA due to the sleep depravation it caused.
The option was there to move, but given the pax next to me was a fellow public servant who looked like they'd just gone 10 rounds with Aussie Joe Bugner, I decided to let her remain fast asleep, recline the seat so the effect wasn't as bad and suffer through to MEL.
Entertainment wise, no IFE as you'd know - common screens at front and mid cabin showing 500 Days of Summer. Audio channels weren't much chop either, not as good IMHO as previous months.
Not my kind of movie, so out with the macbook pro to juice up on some cabin power, headphones into the Nokia N97 for some music and write up this trip report. And just as we start typing things up, we pass over Adelaide where our pilot had already warned us before takeoff we were to encounter some turbulence - and he wasn't kidding.
Ok, so the turbulence wasn't the stuff that'll send parts of you flying into the bins and bulkhead, but it would have been enough to give those with a mild fear of flying a good fright. As someone who loves turbulence - call me a sadis_ - it was quite timely that the music player spat out The Best Thing by Boom Crash Opera.
Back to things that go bump in the sky, it wasn't enough for the Captain to switch on the seatbelt sign, and its pretty much turbulence all the way until our descent into MEL. Good for me as I could get some Z's - interrupted only by the snoring of my neighbouring pax.
Arrived 7min ahead of schedule, but not before a hairy landing where the pilot used the whole length of RWY27/09 getting to a decent just before the piano keys and in time to turn off to TWY M. Queue 10min wait getting of the plane while the CSM gets the aerobridge organised, and the FA at the front of our cabin realises that her fellow FA looking after my area hadn't retrieved my jacket for me before landing.
Back to the lounge - MEL Dom QP
Up the air bridge, take a left and make a beeline for the QP. Once past one very grumpy Lounge Dragon (so grumpy that I wasn't even greeted with a hello or smile), straight to the service desk to see if there's an ODU available for the QF1011 to HBA. It was a case of "computer says no", confirmed on Expert Flyer showing only 1 J seat remaining and nothing in award categories leaving me "standing on the outside looking in" at the Business lounge. Looks like it just wasn't to be.
So with the laptop nearly at a full charge from in-seat power, toast, juice, web browsing and shower are the order of proceedings possibly followed by a small snooze before the next sector.
Of course, the two bogan pax in J from PER are back again. Looks like they have more J flying to go, and I'm sure to the delight of other business lounge pax they've not figured out their BP's get them in there.
Once again, the curse of the Telstra WLAN point strikes - with the first location in the lounge picked giving full signal but not much else. The blighter couldn't hold an authenticated connection to save its life, leaving me staring at the screen waiting for the gatekeeper page to appear before being transported to the obnoxious website of whichever mega-company has paid to sponsor the service this month (Clue: normally referred to as I Blame Microsoft).
Now, let's blow off some steam about the MEL Dom QP
In a past life, I was a service quality auditor - more frequently known as a mystery shopper. Like a samurai, I was paid to pounce without warning, be hidden in plane sight, and would know your service levels, standards and expectations better than 95% of your own staff and give your bosses the goods on what's not working and where the opportunities for improvement are.
The MEL Dom QP sent me into a bit of a spin this morning and there's a few things that need some attention to improve the passenger experience:
- Hot means hot: Please for the love of small furry animals, would you fix your showers. Despite showing their obvious age and lack of maintenance, it should't be hard to ensure that when hot water is selected, hot water comes out - instead of alternating between hot and cold.
- Excuse me Ma-mm, there's a fly in my yoghurt: Sorry, but the last thing I want to see in a QP is bugs of any form. I do not want to sit done in a lunge and have little flies/other creatures land on my arm or table. If you watch E's The Soup - it's a Billy Bush moment ("It's gross")
- Replace the seating: I'm sorry, but a large number of those chairs are past their prime, and covered in grime (I'm looking at you Mr. Cream and Mrs. Red coloured leather seats). And sorry, I don't like sticking to the seats when I'm only wearing a black polo that's dry as a bone - at 7am in the morning.
- Please get the departure screens unto a decent state: I'm sorry, but the main bank of departure screens over near the buffet area are like your showers past their prime. Three of the seven screens facing the tarmac are unreadable, and the rest would pose a challenge for those with colour blindness or perception issues (bad contrast between text and background colour). Seriously, spend a bit of money and upgrade all the displays in the lounge and not just the one at the main entrance.
- Fix the drinks/coffee stations: Sorry, but the juice dispensers are in the most illogical place and so far out of the way which most people move through the lounge when having grabbed some fruit toast and jams. They need to be moved to a more central position. Also, for the love of small furry animals would you please make sure the coffee stations have the exact same thing at each one. I had to visit all of them just to find one which had a hot chocolate pouch.
QF1011 MEL-HBA
VH-??? 737-338 10F (Y)
He without sin cast the first stone, or so said the bible. I know i've done it once or twice, but at least I learn that you don't recline your seat all the way in Y without at least checking to see you won't kill the pax behind you. And you specially don't do it as soon as the seatbelt sign comes off.
Sadly, 9E&F did that exactly as we hit level flight, not even allowing time for the defensive water bottle to be put in place. Both me and pax opposite were none too happy as their setbacks slam into our knees.
Breakfast was the order of the day, insert another obligatory food shot.
It's the first time I've been on a flight with a breakfast offering in Y of this quality. I'm not a museli man, but a excellent brand and quality ingredients. For those with a marketing bent and a fascination with packaging - I was surprised to see that a custom Pura Milk pack had been designed for onboard catering.
A triumph of product engineering, someone had the smarts to design two hexagonal 'rings' around the pack allowing it to be laid flat on the tray and not role around, pure genius IMHO.
Being only a 1hr15min flight, as soon as anyone had a chance to polish off the breakfast offering it was time to prepare the cabin and get ready for landing.
Just for those keeping score, the positive events on this trip aren't going in my favour. So it shouldn't surprise you that something else is about to gnaw away at me. He was an FA, Michael, Mid 40's and not exactly seeming to enjoy his job.
Once the call came to prepare for landing, I did what any considerate frequently flying pax would do - pack down and secure their laptop - never an easy task when your bag is under the seat and the one in front is at full recline. Already struggling to get the thing away in what can only be described as a game of twister at 33,000ft - the FA barked at me to put the laptop in the overhead compartment. This was despite me visibly trying to wrestle it into the safety of my backpacks padded compartment. He of course fails to notice that 9E&F had not brought their seats into an upright position.
Not 15sec later, having just about got everything packed up and bag back under the seat, a female FA barked almost the same thing… and she failed to notice 9E&F. She notes this to another FA following her up the cabin, who politely sakes 9E&F to bring their seats upright before politely offering her assistance to me regarding stowing my laptop.
When I informed her politely that I was already trying to place it into my bag under my seat when I was barked at by the two prior FA's and that the laptop is now secured, she apologised for the confusion and went on her merry way.
HBA arrivals and departures
I've criticised PER in times past for being Australia's worst and not having moved anywhere past its 1940's military origins. I'd now like to retract those comments and bestow the dubious honour of worst Australian airport I've ever had the displeasure of using to HBA.
To say this terminal and services are from the stone age would be unfair and insulting to those inhabiting the planet during that time. Not even they would want to be associated with this turgid dross they're passing off as a terminal - where the QP is before security, and only a single baggage belt servicing QF and JQ flights.
The reclaim area is more suited to hosting a flea circus then pax from the JQ and QF flights that arrived within moments of each other. Purple business tags on the bag were useless as expected.
And while a nice QP, reasonable crowd, the food was shall we say lacking. I was talking to some fellow QPubbers, a group of three lovely education sector employees, one of whom has a fetish for crosswords - who remarked that in a state famous for its fresh produce - cheese in particular, there was no decent cheese plate on offer.
I just couldn't help agreeing with them, and think its about time some of the lounges got their acts together and featured local quality produce on their food offerings. Heck, the QP is a captive audience - how hard would it be for a small card next to the cheese plate or whatever local produce was on offer, highlighting its local origin and quality. I'm sure a local cheese supplier would bend over backwards to do that, and even offer the product at a deep discount to feature their wares somewhere targeting premium and discerning people.
Transiting to Hobart
I used the shuttle bus, which is AUD15 one way and AUD25 return. I'll be emailing them for a refund as their driver flew past my agreed pickup location at, despite being there well before the agreed time and waving him down furiously. I even tried to chase after him, but having not slept much since 6am Friday morning I virtually gave up and hailed a cab.
An extra AUD38 lighter, I get to the airport around 3:30 and thanks to a very kind check-in agent at HBA when I arrived earlier, my bag was already checked in through to CBR so I didn't have to worry about luggage storage.
Hobart, or how I gained an appreciation for Bratwurst
Salamanca Markets, 11am. Pub breakfast and on-board energy having worn thin, its time to sample the local produce. I was really heading for a local gastropub (honest) when this smell came wafting across - a pork bratwurst with garlic and herbs. I can describe that thing only as heaven in a bun, so good I ordered another one - both washed down with a Cascade apple cider.
You'll not be spoilt for choice down that end of Hobart food wise, with at least two gastropubs, casual dining and a wide variety of cuisines to wet the appetite. If you can't find something you like down there, check yourself into the nearest mental hospital, or grab yourself a side serve of mashed potatoes in truffle oil with a locally reared MSA prime grade beef filet.
Salamanca Place has a massive market, operating every Saturday between 8:30am-3pm. You'll be able to pick up everything, from local arts and crafts, souvenirs, artworks, gourmet foods, books, and even a farmers market with top quality local produce. I'm sure there's a lot of other stuff which will interest you.
If you are shopping at Salamanca, not all the vendors will accept credit cards or eftpos. ATM options are limited and there's always a 10-15min queue. My advice is get cash before you go there, or if you do forget to load up the wallet - there's a little newsagent in one of the many sandstone buildings alone Salamanca Place - name of the store escapes me. Outside there's a Commonwealth ATM everyone queues up for - but step inside and there's an ANZ ATM that's stopped following customers long enough to mean short queues because not everyone knows its in there (thanks to the Woodcrafter who gave me this tip). A RediATM is also available in Salamanca Lane, again with queues.
Working in the forestry sector, I've gained a whole new appreciation for wood and some of the wonderful artworks people come up with in this medium. My find at Salamanca was a wooden figurine of a platypus and tasmanian devil. All of these were hand crafted, and while they may look simple to the untrained eye, the careful selection of the wood, styling and finish makes these a stunning piece. Photos of those will come in part deux of this epic tome.
QF1012 HBA-MEL
737-338 9A (Y)
I remember the boarding, the departure, and arrival, but everything in-between is a blur. I thankfully caught those Z's I missed out on coming from PER.
MEL Dom QP/QP J
Having arrived in MEL, I decided to see if there was a spare upgrade available on my last flight of the day, and the last upgradeable ticket for the trip. Wendy at the QP service desk took a look, laughed her head off when seeing my email address in the PNR, and happily obliged for the 8k in points. Catering wasn't confirmed due to numbers, but that's usually sorted out by the time of boarding (even if it's only 40min to pushback).
First time in a J lounge, and I would kind of call it what airline lounges were like in their heyday. Firstly, much better selection of food, good positioning of facilities, lots of space. No time to try a custom sandwich - more straight to traditional fare of a leek, potato and mushroom soup, sourdough bread, followed by a LLB and some nibbles which was just enough to see me through to final boarding call.
QF866 MEL-CBR
737-338 3F (J)
I feel spoilt, having 2x J flights in the same day. While I do love the millennium seats, its a shame that in-seat power isn't consistently available across the network. IFE on this flight was also having some issues, with significant tracking problems with the tape or equip. Programming cutting out a few times meaning if you were laughing at the ep. of Gary Unmarried where he tries to get his pool table back and attempts to blackmail his former partner using some very steamy photos then you were flat out of luck.
Cabin crew were on the ball here, even managing to push back 9min before schedule and arriving even earlier still at CBR. Sorry for those expecting a gratuitous food shot for this sector - the camera was still in my coat pocket, neatly tucked away by the cabin staff.
On the menu was an antipasto salad of streaky bacon, mesculin, feta, sun-dried tomatoes, and artichoke, with risoni with a lemon herb dressing. Sourdough bread accompanied the salad, along with a nice bite sized bran apple muffin. And for those interested, the pre-flight drink offerings were sparkling water, and an apple and strawberry juice which I must say tasted quite good.
CBR was an absolute breeze, within 5min of exiting the plane and down to baggage claim the belt had already fired up…. and shock horror, my priority tagged bag was one of the first on the belt. Straight to the taxi rank, with more than enough cabs waiting and available, and I was in and out of the place inside 15min, a personal best.
And now, let's take a deserved intermission
Well, that's my epic tome for this leg done. Cheers to all the lovely FA's, ground staff and QP team members whom I've had the pleasure of interacting with. Jeers to the MEL lounge dragon who could have scared your kids witless with her 6am face, and the two FA's from MEL-HBA who need a good wingtip to the back passage.
Look forward to giving you part deux of this trip report, which will include the sights and sounds of Canberra, as well as the home leg via SYD and BNE back to PER. And as its my first trip report, please be gentle
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