Somewhere at an Australian east coast airport a Qantas flight is boarding:
"Welcome back Mr Hancock, seat 48C I see, please allow me to place your carry on baggage in the overhead locker."
"Why thank you"
"Now if you could follow me please"
"What about my carry on luggage?"
"Oh, I am afraid you will have to leave it in the overhead compartment."
"...but my computer, iPad, iPod, iPhone, iRon, modem, router, and designer underwear are in those bags, I would prefer not to leave then unattended."
"Sorry Mr Hancock, but you can't bring them with you."
"Where am I going anyway?"
"Well, we are going to give you a positive travel experience and take you to the on board business lounge."
"I don't want to go to the onboard business lounge, I want to stay with my possessions and prepare for the flight."
"I'm sorry Mr Hancock but you can't stay here whilst we are boarding, we'll give you a pre flight drink - champagne if you like?"
"Well if I have to, but I'm not happy."
"Please follow me!"
"Ooh is this First Class? Can I hang around here and see if there are any famous people? Wow look at these suites they're proper posh, I'm sure I recognise that lass over there, can I go and say hello?"
"Mr Hancock please can you come along, you can't stay in First Class."
"Mmmmm this lounge is a bit on the small side, but wow you have put the telly on and I can see the view from the tail cam, that makes it all so much better.....hic....another glass please!"
"Mr Hancock it's time to return to your seat."
"Oh go on giz another glass...hic."
"Sorry Mr Hancock we are preparing for take off, you'll need to follw me down the stairs please...and I'm afraid you can't take the glass with you."
"Are you nicking my champagne..I'm very fond of it you know we don't like to be parted..hic"
"This way please!"
"OK, wow I do like these posh seats and I'm sure that's the lass who does the weather on channel seven......Hello, love your work!"
"Mr Hancock, please could you keep the noise down, our First Class passengers prefer not to be disturbed."
"Look there is a free seat there, could I just stay there, no one is using it, seems a bit silly for it to be empty."
"Sorry Mr Hancock that is not possible, please could you keep the noise down and follow me as quickly as you can!"
"OK I'm coming. Now I need to organise my stuff for the flight. Where is my bag?"
"I'll help Mr Hancock...but if you could move along a bit, we are trying to prepare for the flight"
"Do I get to use the loos at the front?"
"No Mr Hancock you are not allowed past the curtain into the First Class cabin."
"...but you just insisted I went through through the First Class cabin....how's that work then?"
"It is just for take off to give space for boarding...and we gave you champagne and a TV to watch."
"Oh yes the TV I almost forgot..that makes everything perfect.!"
