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Sorry to go slightly off topic, but the crew member was only following common airline SOPs. I think all of your frustrations are absolutately valid, minus the bit about the crew member being a 'twerp'. Might look slightly awkward, but would you rather the door simply left unattended when opened? A crew member, no matter how heavy, would slow down any wannabe intruder.
For the bit about the flight deck being served first, perhaps write in to the airline? The more feedback they receive, the more likely things will change.
Slightly OT but this is how they do it on AA when someone from the flight deck takes a leak
I didn't manage to capture the full effect which on a 762 is both aisles blocked by trolleys with the FA's peering over the top.
It's quite impressive
Back on-topic I don't mind on short sectors how the service is arranged but I do think the snack service needs a bit of tweaking