Engineers Rule The World .... of humour....
An engineering student came rolling in on a brand new spanking bike. His friend caught up with him and asked how he got it.
"Well," said the first student, "I was walking on my way to uni when this drop dead gorgeous blonde comes on this bike, rips off her clothes and says, 'Take anything you want!'"
"Good choice," said the second student, "The clothes probably wouldn't have fit."
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A mathematician, physicist and an engineer are all in a contest set by a sheep farmer to create a pen to enclose his sheep using the least amount of fencing possible.
The mathematician steps up and realises that a circle gives the most area for perimeter, so he creates a circular fence around the sheep, and declares that he has the smallest pen possible.
The physicist isn't convinced and he creates a circular pen of infinite diameter, then he proceeds to remove fencing and reduce the size of the pen until the sheep could not be compacted any more, and thus declares he has the smallest pen possible.
The engineer sees all this, yawns, a creates a fence just enclosing himself, then declares that he has the smallest pen possible.
The other two look puzzled and remark, "Surely we're not to believe that you've just created the smallest pen with all the sheep inside it?"
The engineer replies, "I assume that I am standing on the outside!"
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An engineer and his manager are camping out in the woods. The decide to retire for the night and head into their tent for a good nights sleep.
Some hours later, the engineer wakes his manager and says, "Look up at the sky and tell me what you see".
The manager replies, "I see millions of stars."
The engineer asks, "What does that tell you?"
The manager ponders for a minute.
"Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?"
The engineer pauses for a moment, and then states, "Practically, someone has stolen our tent."
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A man is ballooning but soon finds himself lost. He spots another man on the ground and decides to ask him for help, so he lowers the balloon until he is close enough to communicate.
"Can you tell me where I am?" asks the balloonist.
"Well," says the man on the ground, "you're about 5 metres in the air and talking to me."
The balloonist says, "You must be an engineer."
The man on the ground looks puzzled and replies, "Yes, you are correct. How did you know that?"
The balloonist replies, "You answered my question but it makes absolutely no sense and does not help me one bit."
The engineer replies, "You must work in management."
The balloonist looks puzzled and replies, "Yes, you are correct. How did you know that?"
The engineer replies, "Because you were lost to start with, you asked me for help, and now you're still lost. The only difference is that it is my fault now."
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What's the difference between Civil and Mechanical Engineers?
Mechanical engineers build weapons; Civil engineers build targets.
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