A bit of humour

[drron]

[video=youtube_share;I6Veqg8ZcqI]https://youtu.be/I6Veqg8ZcqI[/video]

 

[Major]

AVOCADOS

A wife asks her husband, "Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk and if they have avocados, get 6.

A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk. The wife asks him, "Why did you buy 6 cartons of milk?"

He replied, "They had avocados."

 

[TheRealTMA]

AVOCADOS

A wife asks her husband, "Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk and if they have avocados, get 6.

A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk. The wife asks him, "Why did you buy 6 cartons of milk?"

He replied, "They had avocados."

I can relate to that, actually!

 

[marki]

No comment on this but the humour here is serious

 

[Maca44]

COMPLETE VS FINISHED

How do you explain the difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED in a way that is easy to understand?
Some people say there is NO difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED.

Answer:
When you marry the right woman, you are COMPLETE.
When you marry the wrong woman, you are FINISHED, AND when the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are COMPLETELY FINISHED!!

 

[whatmeworry]

Oh no Barnaby.

Australian Deputy Prime Minister and dual-Kiwi-citizen Barnaby Joyce has come under fire this morning after he was seen sub-consciously standing up for the New Zealand national anthem at the All Blacks match against the Wallabies last night.

Barnaby Joyce Under Fire For Accidentally Standing During Kiwi Anthem At Bledisloe Match — The Betoota Advocate

 

[straitman]

Are you a Republican, a Democrat, or a Southerner? This little test will help you decide:


​

You’re walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children.

Suddenly, a Terrorist with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, raises the knife, and charges at you…

You are carrying a Glock 21 cal. 45 ACP, and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family. What do you do?

******************************

Democrat’s Answer:

Well, that’s not enough information to answer the question! What is a Glock 21 cal. 45 ACP?

Does the man look poor or oppressed? Is he really a terrorist? Am I guilty of profiling? Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?

Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand? What does the law say about this situation?

Does the pistol have an appropriate safety built into it? Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children?

Is it possible he’d be happy with just killing me? Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me?

Should I call 9-1-1? Why is this street so deserted? Can we make this a happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior.

I need to debate this with some friends for a few days and try to come to a consensus. This is all so confusing!

******************************

Republican’s Answer:

BANG!

******************************

Southerner’s Answer:

BANG!
BANG! BANG!
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
Click…..
(Sounds of reloading)
BANG!
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
BANG! BANG! BANG!
BANG!
Click.

Daughter: “Nice grouping, Daddy! Were those the Winchester Silver Tips or Federal Hollow Points?!”

Son: “Can I shoot the next one?!”

Wife: “You are NOT taking that to a Taxidermist!


​

 

[Bundy Bear]

A good one for the recent solar eclipse

 

[TheEmu]

Scrolling down I loved the Bluetooth cordless hose.

View attachment 103400

I want one of those

If you get one, make sure you also get the Waterproof My Phone app...

 

[straitman]

Roses are Red.

Mornings are Hard.

I suck at Poetry.

Coffee.

 

[Hvr]

I get claustrophobic in elevators, but there are steps to avoid that.

++++++++++++

I know when my dog is lost and someone calls the phone number on his dog tag I give thanks and praises for collar ID.

+++++++++++

A short stemmed flower walks into a bar. Bartender says, "Why the long vase?"


++++++++++++

 

[Hvr]

There was a town in Europe that survived mostly the economy of raising flowers for flower shops. Several farms were thriving. So much that the local monastery decided to get into the act. As they had so little overhead, the prices were better and putting pressure on the other farms.

The farmers got together and decided drastic action was needed. They hired a local street tough-Hugh-to "visit" the monastery and stop them from farming. It took a few visits and some unseemly actions, but it worked and the farmers prospered again.

The moral of the story?

Hugh...and only Hugh can prevent florist friars.

 

[Hvr]

Did you know diarrhea is hereditary?



Yes, it runs in your jeans.

 

[whatmeworry]

Barnaby Joyce nominated for New Zealander of the year.

Former Green Party co-leader Metiria Turei and Australian Deputy Prime Minister Barnaby Joyce are frontrunners for the 2018 New Zealand of the Year Awards.

Metiria Turei and Barnaby Joyce lead nominations for NZer of the Year - NZ Herald

 

[coriander]

Wasn't the "complete/finished" quote first spoken (more succinctly if I remember - can't find her exact quote ATM) by Zsa Zsa Gabor 50+ years ago?

 

[get me outta here]

Dentists have recommended that a toothbrush be kept at least Six (6) feet away
from a toilet to avoid airborne particles resulting from the flush.​

(I keep my toothbrush in the living room now!) ​

​

​

​

​

 

[straitman]

Not much else to say really.

 

[whatmeworry]

The Pollie Card.

 

[TheRealTMA]

From a regional specialist

 

[Major]

A bit of a chuckle at this one