A bit of humour

[TheRealTMA]

As a moderator, you do have the 'disappear' button!

Ah! So now I know. That’s why my posts disappear. Some do not like my sense of humour.

 

[TheRealTMA]

Even then it’s glide angle would be steeper than any helicopter.

Even if the “Jesus nut” fell off? Probably the same?

 

[straitman]

Even if the “Jesus nut” fell off? Probably the same?

Fortunately the laws of physics preclude that from happening.

 

[Bundy Bear]

A Mom went to have dinner with her son who lives with his roommate.
During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how handsome his roommate was. She had been suspicious about her sons sexuality but being a good mother she felt that he would let her know if and when the time was right but seeing the two together just made her more curious.

Over the course of the evening, while watching the interaction between the two she wondered even more if there was more here than meets the eye. Her son, sensing his mothers watchfully eye volunteered, "really Mom, I can tell what you're thinking and you can just get it out of your mind, we are just roommates and nothing more".

About a week later the roommate remarked, "ever since your mother was here the silver serving platter has been missing, do you think she took it?"

He responded, "Well I'm sure she didn't but I will email her and ask just to be sure" he sat down and wrote:

Hey Mom,
I'm not saying you did take the silver platter from the house and I am not saying you didn't take it but the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.
Love,
Your Son.

A couple days later he got a response from his mother:

Dear Son,
I am not saying that you do sleep with your roommate and I am not saying that you don't sleep with him and you know I love you and could care less either way but the fact remains that if he was sleeping in his own bed he would have found the platter under his pillow.
When are the two of you coming for dinner?
Love,
Mom

 

[drron]

From twitter.

NFI 97‏ @NFI97 24h24 hours ago




MAJOR ANNOUNCEMENT: Bill Shorten in Tasmania today announced that a Shorten/Labor Government would extend the Bass Highway from Wynyard in Tasmania to Circular Quay in Sydney. This is a master stroke by Shorten - there is no way the Liberals can match this haha

 

[codash1099]

From twitter.

NFI 97‏ @NFI97 24h24 hours ago




MAJOR ANNOUNCEMENT: Bill Shorten in Tasmania today announced that a Shorten/Labor Government would extend the Bass Highway from Wynyard in Tasmania to Circular Quay in Sydney. This is a master stroke by Shorten - there is no way the Liberals can match this haha

But they would try!

 

[TheRealTMA]

But they would try!

Well, it would be one good use for coal to satisfy the NATS.

 

[Major]

John: My wife of 15 years is missing. She went shopping yesterday and has not come home!

Sheriff: Height?

John: I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall.

Sheriff: Weight?

John: Don't know. Not slim, not really fat.

Sheriff: Color of eyes?

John: Sort of brown I think. Never really noticed.

Sheriff: Color of hair?

John: Changes a couple times a year. Maybe dark brown now. I can’t remember.

Sheriff: What was she wearing?

John: Could have been pants, or maybe a skirt or shorts. I don't know exactly.

Sheriff: What kind of car did she go in?

John: She went in my truck.

Sheriff: What kind of truck was it?

John: A 2016 pearl white Ram Limited 4X4 with 6.4l Hemi V8 engine ordered with the Ram Box bar and fridge option, led lighting, backup and front camera, Moose hide leather heated and cooled seats, climate controlled air conditioning. It has a custom matching white cover for the bed, Weather Tech floor mats. Trailing package with gold hitch, sunroof, DVD with full GPS navigation, satellite radio, Cobra 75 WX ST 40-channel CB radio, six cup holders, 3 USB port, and 4 power outlets. I added special alloy wheels and off-road Toyo tires. It has custom retracting running boards and under-glow wheel well lighting.


At this point John started choking up.

Sheriff: “Take it easy John, we'll find your truck!”

 

[Hvr]

The new thing at work is they have started firing people with bad posture.

I have a hunch I'm next.

 

[Hvr]

I'm looking for looking for a new job and I could totally see myself working in a mirror factory.

 

[Hvr]

This one is either a classic or a tragedy.

An ancient Greek walks into his tailor's shop with a pair of torn pants.

"Euripides?" says the tailor.

"Yeah, Eumenides?" replies the man.

 

[Hvr]

I, for one, like Roman Numerals

 

[Hvr]

We definitely need a cry or ignore button.

Or even a groan button for this one:


Farmer Joe was especially proud of his cucumber crop this year. One of them even grew to 24 inches. He called all of his family and friends over to admire it. But his family and friends didn't seem too impressed by it. Farmer Joe had enough and shouted "What's wrong with you people? This is a big dill.".

 

[Hvr]

Just to keep you up to date here's a calendar.

Monday: Greg

Tuesday: Ian

Wednesday: Greg

Thursday: Ian

Friday: Greg



Obviously, it's a Gregorian calendar.

 

[JessicaTam]

Don't you have a home to go to @Hvr?

 

[straitman]

Don't you have a home to go to @Hvr?

He does but do you?

 

[TheRealTMA]

Just to keep you up to date here's a calendar.

Monday: Greg

Tuesday: Ian

Wednesday: Greg

Thursday: Ian

Friday: Greg



Obviously, it's a Gregorian calendar.

I channel Papa Gregorio VIII in a previous life and made the calendar for you.

See the Meridonale at the Cathedral in Bologna where the length of the year was established over the old Roman system in 1582.

La meridiana di San Petronio

Pope Gregory XIII - Wikipedia

 

[Hvr]

How do NASA organise a party?

They planet.

 

[Captain Halliday]

From Miss H:

What did the dolphin say to the prawn that wouldn’t share it’s toys?

Stop being so shellfish.

 

[Hvr]

What do oceans say when they meet?


Nothing, they just wave.