A bit of humour

[Hvr]

What's the difference between bird flu and swine flu?

One requires tweetment, the other requires oinkment.

 

[tgh]

Not sure about the humour in this… a tad too relevant for my liming…..

 

[Bundy Bear]

Gold for those who own pets.

 

[Hvr]

I wrote down a list of everyone I hate on a piece of paper, and my mate used it to roll his joint...

He's now high on the list of people I never want to see again

+++++++++++

I tried to make Hawaiian pizza tonight but I burned it.

I should have cooked it on aloha temperature.

++++++++++++

What do you call a hen that's good with numbers?

A mathamachicken.

 

[Bundy Bear]

Learn at school it’s important

 

[drron]

 

[Bundy Bear]

I hope this doesn’t happen at the next AFF gathering.

 

[Deleted member]

CALLER: Is this Gordon's Pizza?
GOOGLE:
No sir, it's Google Pizza.

CALLER:
I must have dialed a wrong number. Sorry.

GOOGLE:
No sir, Google bought Gordon’s Pizza last month.

CALLER:
OK. I would like to order a pizza.

GOOGLE:
Do you want your usual, sir?

CALLER:
My usual? You know me?

GOOGLE:
According to our caller ID data sheet, the last 12 times you called you ordered an extra-large pizza with three cheeses, sausage, pepperoni, mushrooms and meatballs on a thick crust.

CALLER:
OK! That’s what I want ...

GOOGLE:
May I suggest that this time you order a pizza with ricotta, arugula, sun-dried tomatoes and olives on a whole wheat gluten-free thin crust?

CALLER:
What? I detest vegetable!

GOOGLE:
Your cholesterol is not good, sir.

CALLER:
How the hell do you know!

GOOGLE:
Well, we cross-referenced your home phone number with your medical records. We have the result of your blood tests for the last 7 years.

CALLER:
Okay, but I do not want your rotten vegetable pizza! I already take medication for my cholesterol.

GOOGLE: Excuse me sir, but you have not taken your medication regularly. According to our database, you purchased only a box of 30 cholesterol tablets once, at Drug RX Network, 4 months ago.

CALLER:
I bought more from another drugstore.

GOOGLE:
That doesn’t show on your credit card statement.

CALLER:
I paid in cash.

GOOGLE:
But you did not withdraw enough cash according to your bank statement.

CALLER:
I have other sources of cash.

GOOGLE: That doesn’t show on your last tax return unless you bought them using an undeclared income source, which is against the law.

CALLER:
WHAT THE HELL!

GOOGLE:
I'm sorry, sir, we use such information only with the sole intention of helping you.

CALLER:
Enough already! I'm sick to death of Google, Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp and all the others. I'm going to an island without internet, cable TV, where there is no cell phone service and no one to watch me or spy on me.

GOOGLE:
I understand sir, but you need to renew your passport first. It expired 6 weeks ago...

 

[p--and--t]

 

[p--and--t]

 

[mrs.dr.ron]

 

[mrs.dr.ron]

 

[Jacques Vert]

You started well but....

 

[mrs.dr.ron]

You started well but....

I have found HVRs source

 

[mrs.dr.ron]

 

[mrs.dr.ron]

 

[tgh]

Oh no.. it's hvr's reject bin...

 

[Hvr]

Oh no.. it's hvr's reject bin...

More like a splinter group.

 

[Hvr]

I spotted an albino Dalmatian the other day.


It was the least I could do.

 

[NM]

The grass is often greener on the other side ....

And it is usually the result of leaking sewage excrement, and as a result it need to be mowed more often - just watch where you step while mowing the lush green grass.