Am I Really So Out of Touch?

[ALH]

Are you going to be joining the Copthorne Loyalty Club?

 

[Simo]

Flashware has been for drinks with me in London. Probably not a Fosters man myself!

I would like to see a photo of BR holding a fosters can and also drinking out of it. LOL,

 

[bossreggie]

Are you going to be joining the Copthorne Loyalty Club?

No. I won't be. But I am very serious about taking this time to really look at what is important to me and how I have been living my life.

This has been really because 3 people I care about have mentioned me being out of touch lately.

Despite what some may think. It has nothing to do with ego. I'm about to be in a junior role for the first time in 20+ years so I can pursue my passion of fine food. So I will be bossed about.

Also. Those of you who actually KNOW me, will also know that my Dad just died suddenly, so I'm looking at a whole bunch of things.

 

[markis10]

I am not sure that being "out of touch" is a bad thing, to say it is effectively presumes the herd is heading in the right direction, which often it is not.

 

[puppysparkes]

Sounds like you've done a hell of a lot of reflection given your recent life events. The worst thing you could have done was to disregard comments from 3 dear friends. Enjoy your new direction be it temporary or otherwise!

 

[LadyC]

Good on you for taking the opportunity to challenge yourself - I think it's good to be able to push oneself outside the comfort zone occasionally. I'm looking forward to hearing about your experience! I love food and cooking but from what I can gather, full time kitchen work is back breaking, being on your feet for so long all day. Hopefully you pick up some good tips and tricks

 

[Deleted member]

I've done my time in kitchens. Last job in Australian hospitality was Exec Chef. That was 30 years ago. I don't miss the grind. But I do miss the rush during service and satisfaction of a good dish heading across the pass.

 

[QF WP]

This brings me to the title of my post. We were having dinner 2 days ago and he says he can't be bothered going to Australia for the GP. He doesn't want to go to DXB he wants to focus on his career. I was like. You make £70k what possible difference will that make to our lives. (Not an ideal thing to say as it turns out) he said I was really out of touch with normal people

People don't care how much one has or know, that want to know how much one cares. An axiom my father taught me and so true

I am actually going to fly in coach from London to Auckland. I want to see what it's like. I want to feel like a usual person. I want to see if I really am as out of touch as even my son tells me I am.

He finally wins the bet! Being humble may just be the making of you bossreggie.

No. I won't be. But I am very serious about taking this time to really look at what is important to me and how I have been living my life.

This has been really because 3 people I care about have mentioned me being out of touch lately.

Those of you who actually KNOW me, will also know that my Dad just died suddenly, so I'm looking at a whole bunch of things.

I'm really sorry to hear that bossreggie. One of my fears in life is losing either of my parents and I'm not sure how I will react. I agree wholeheartedly about your mother comment in your signature.

Hope to catch up with you when you're here.

 

[bossreggie]

People don't care how much one has or know, that want to know how much one cares. An axiom my father taught me and so true


He finally wins the bet! Being humble may just be the making of you bossreggie.

Hope to catch up with you when you're here.

Well the events of the past week make my decision regarding charity even more important. So I hope we catch up too.

 

[bossreggie]

I've done my time in kitchens. Last job in Australian hospitality was Exec Chef. That was 30 years ago. I don't miss the grind. But I do miss the rush during service and satisfaction of a good dish heading across the pass.

But you know my actual dream!! Time in the kitchen starting as the lowest of the low will be a good thing for me.

 

[QF WP]

Well the events of the past week make my decision regarding charity even more important. So I hope we catch up too.

If I can, I'll be there. Name the time and place. Community service is something that I want to do in retirement. Stems from my brush with cancer and giving back, as I am really fortunate to still be here.

 

[simongr]

Hmm - interesting perspectives from all. I have a slightly different perspective. I grew up not having that much. My wife's family were all not well to do. I never had expensive holidays, flash cars, big houses or a pool (though after many years of hard work my retired parents now do have a big house and a pool) so I am personally striving to provide for my family as best I can - I want my son to go to a good private school. I don't want him to work whilst at uni (it cost me grades and time with friends). I couldn't give a damn if I am in touch with "normal people" and if I ever have the opportunity to step out of the "herd" then I wont look back.

You have what you have by virtue of circumstances that put you there - I don't see why other people should be making you feel like you are in the wrong.

Getting a job sounds interesting and supports your passion. Flying economy just to prove a point I think is just plain dumb. You are tall and will be uncomfortable for the entire flight - given we all have precious little time why waste it being uncomfortable?

I can tell you it isn't fun and you wont enjoy it. I personally wouldn't think any less of you if you flew in J or F.

Very sorry to hear about your Dad. I haven't spoken to mine in almost four years.

 

[straitman]

Well the events of the past week make my decision regarding charity even more important. So I hope we catch up too.

If I can, I'll be there. Name the time and place. Community service is something that I want to do in retirement. Stems from my brush with cancer and giving back, as I am really fortunate to still be here.

Also happy to catchup (with either or both of you) given the opportunity.

I must say though bossreggie that if you think an E63AMG is 'Just a regular car' you are not as 'in touch' as you would like to be.

 

[medhead]

I'm not getting a smaller car. Just a regular car. E63AMG. Less than 1/2 the price they are in Australia.

I also have an Oyster card and I'm very proficient using the tube.

a "regular" car. Can any car that's come out of a high performance design team be described as regular?

Don't get me wrong, I do hope you find what you're looking for from this. But I'd issue a challenge to take it further. Why don't you try to live on £6250 (minus applicable tax) for just one month including travel. Obviously an exemption would apply to important business travel but not leisure travel. No matter what do travel in Y for that month but take whatever benefits you get from status. Anyway, just a suggestion. Good luck with it.

 

[simongr]

Don't get me wrong, I do hope you find what you're looking for from this. But I'd issue a challenge to take it further. Why don't you try to live on £6250 (minus applicable tax) for just one month including travel. Obviously an exemption would apply to important business travel but not leisure travel. No matter what do travel in Y for that month but take whatever benefits you get from status. Anyway, just a suggestion. Good luck with it.

I just do not understand this - why does this make anyone more in touch? At any point bossreggie can walk away from that lifestyle (amusingly when I started work my ANNUAL salary was about £6000) so is no more in touch with that life than I am in touch with an orphan in Nairobi living on the streets.

Fight the powers bossreggie - be who you want to be and not who someone else thinks you should be.

 

[medhead]

I just do not understand this - why does this make anyone more in touch? At any point bossreggie can walk away from that lifestyle (amusingly when I started work my ANNUAL salary was about £6000) so is no more in touch with that life than I am in touch with an orphan in Nairobi living on the streets.

Fight the powers bossreggie - be who you want to be and not who someone else thinks you should be.

I'm not sure it will. But he has expressed a desire to get in touch with the common people (yes I have that song in my head). I choose £6250 because it is £75000/12. So the monthly pay of his current partner. Living for a month on that pay level might at least get him in touch with the thinking of that partner in terms of financial position and wanting to have a career. Connection to their thought process. Basically that was the idea behind my suggestion. Certainly really cutting down to a dr's pay is going to be more of a learning experience than £20k a month. Most people can live very comfortably on £20k a month.

I agree with your other post, which is why I would say one month for the experiment rather than 3. In fact I'd almost say 2 weeks would be enough to gain an appreciation.

. One of my fears in life is losing either of my parents and I'm not sure how I will react.

It's hard and you think about them every day of your life afterwards. Even 10 years later. I hope everyone says the right things to their parents while they're still around.

 

[Flashback]

I'm not sure it will. But he has expressed a desire to get in touch with the common people (yes I have that song in my head). I choose £6250 because it is £75000/12. So the monthly pay of his current partner. Living for a month on that pay level might at least get him in touch with the thinking of that partner in terms of financial position and wanting to have a career. Connection to their thought process. Basically that was the idea behind my suggestion. Certainly really cutting down to a dr's pay is going to be more of a learning experience than £20k a month. Most people can live very comfortably on £20k a month.

I agree with your other post, which is why I would say one month for the experiment rather than 3. In fact I'd almost say 2 weeks would be enough to gain an appreciation.



It's hard and you think about them every day of your life afterwards. Even 10 years later. I hope everyone says the right things to their parents while they're still around.

Just to add a bit more to this... a common wage over here is 35000-40000 and even those are seen as being on the 'higher' side for someone in a perm role. The majority of the population earns 30k and less.

 

[medhead]

Just to add a bit more to this... a common wage over here is 35000-40000 and even those are seen as being on the 'higher' side for someone in a perm role. The majority of the population earns 30k and less.

Yes my suggestion/thinking is limited to getting in touch with those near and dear, rather than just anyone. Anyway, it is a pointless suggestion, just a bit of random thinking.

 

[straitman]

It's hard and you think about them every day of your life afterwards. Even 10 years later. I hope everyone says the right things to their parents while they're still around.

OT but acceptable IMHO.

I lost my Father (suddenly) over 25 years ago and Mother last October. I still think fond thoughts of them both nearly every day. Because of that we work very hard to ensure that we keep a great relationship with both of our kids (and their kids).

 

[Fantic125]

<snip>....... He doesn't want to go to DXB he wants to focus on his career. I was like. You make £70k what possible difference will that make to our lives. (Not an ideal thing to say as it turns out) he said I was really out of touch with normal people.

<snip>

........ But as part of this, me being out of touch. I am actually going to fly in coach from London to Auckland. I want to see what it's like. I want to feel like a usual person. I want to see if I really am as out of touch as even my son tells me I am. (This coming from a kid who learned to drive in a Gallardo)

I think it may well be true that I am out of touch. But I will soon know.

A number of people I've associated with in the workforce would say that a Doctor earning £70k a year (or more) would also be out of touch with 'normal' people.
As you noted, I think it's more the value he places on his career that would have been the driver to his comment.

I don't think it's neccesarily the amount of money that people earn, IMHO it's what they contribute into relationships (and by this I mean personal, family, work and community relationships) and how they interact with these people that keeps people grounded and 'normal'. As simongr noted, flying coach or limiting spending isn't going to make anyone more 'in touch'; it may give you more insight into what a difference having available money can make to a person's lifestyle though.

Personal traumas such as you have recently gone through often act as a catalyst for introspection and change, and although the comments noted above may seem a bit harsh I think you're heading down the right track in reviewing how you fit in into the world.

Good luck and please keep us updated!