Am I Really So Out of Touch?

[drron]

Boss I read this thread this morning and needed time to think.I only know you through your contributions to this forum.That though is enough for me to guess you are not out of touch.However we all are unique so we all define being in touch in different ways.I personally just turn off when someone tells me that because I fly long haul J(occasionally F on points)and prefer to stay in 5 star hotels I really have no idea what the places I visit are like.What difference does a bed make.It is what you do in your time out of it that counts.
In Bangkok I love walking into a non tourist area,sitting down and having a coffee,or coke,or beer and end up talking to the locals.We stay though at the Sheraton Grande Sukhumvit.The staff in the Jazz lounge ,greet us by name,know what we drink and eat.Come and tell us about their lives.Tell us what they get up to on the hotels staff days.However we also know all the management-why-because the staff tell them we are good customers.

So Boss from this forum I know you are generous,I know you think of the "little people"and your comments about your family tell me you know what is really important in your life.

Personally I never got on with my father for the great majority of my life.When immobility struck though I helped out even though I live 1500Ks away.I came down and stayed with him when my mother was in hospital and for the first time in our lives we understood each other and I can truly say when he died I loved him.It was something I thought was impossible.I always though had a song that I kept hearing and used the lyrics in my eulogy.Mike and the Mechanics-In the Living Years.

Every generation
Blames the one before
And all of their frustrations
Come beating on your door

I know that I'm a prisoner
To all my Father held so dear
I know that I'm a hostage
To all his hopes and fears
I just wish I could have told him in the living years

Crumpled bits of paper
Filled with imperfect thought
Stilted conversations
I'm afraid that's all we've got

You say you just don't see it
He says it's perfect sense
You just can't get agreement
In this present tense
We all talk a different language
Talking in defense

Say it loud, say it clear
You can listen as well as you hear
It's too late when we die
To admit we don't see eye to eye

So we open up a quarrel
Between the present and the past
We only sacrifice the future
It's the bitterness that lasts

So don't yield to the fortunes
You sometimes see as fate
It may have a new perspective
On a different date
And if you don't give up, and don't give in
You may just be O.K.

Very sensible words.
I wish you every success in life and may you find happiness.

 

[Natalie_B]

Bossreggie

I am truly sorry for your loss. I lost my father at the age of 22, and can say that 12 years later, I still think of him most days. I believe that you don't ever recover, you just learn to survive. I'm pregnant with my first child and I find that I am missing him even more as I embark on this next stage of my life.

I had much more to say about your generosity on this forum, and that you can't make others happy until you are happy, however being pregnant (and therefore slightly emotional) I've been unable to craft those sentence in a way that will do the sentiment justice.

Therefore, I'll just add that life is too short to not be happy. I hope that you find the happiness and peace that you are searching for.

 

[moa999]

Bossreggie,
Also sorry for your loss, and agree with the sentiments expressed by a few that these family situations really do give you a bit of a reality jolt and make you reasess your priorities.

While I admire you, having a go at an Economy flight, in my opinion it is a bit like the CEOs doing the charity camp out for a night - you really don't see the real picture unless camping out every night is your life -- you know your return will be in First, the pain of Economy is merely a transitory experience ... I would also point out that for many (indeed probably 50% of the world population like the garbage collectors on $2/day in India) just getting on a plane would be a lifetime dream... so it is all perspective... you are fortunate to have landed in a good place in life... enjoy it.

As for willing to take an entry level kitchenhand position.... total kudos. If in your position with that interest I would spend a year going around the world doing umpteen cooking classes and the like, but to actually put on an apron and work for a foul mouthed head chef (ok probably too much celebrity chef watching)... total kudos.
I hope you follow your dreams and open a something somewhere in the world (and knowing you it could well be anywhere!)

 

[Geegeela]

Here’s some good advice a father once gave to his son.

See thou character. Give thy thoughts no tongue,
Nor any unproportioned thought his act.

Be thou familiar, but by no means vulgar.

Those friends thou hast, and their adoption tried,
Grapple them to thy soul with hoops of steel;
But do not dull thy palm with entertainment
Of each new-hatch'd, unfledged comrade. Beware
Of entrance to a quarrel, but being in,
Bear't that the opposed may beware of thee.
Give every man thy ear, but few thy voice;
Take each man's censure, but reserve thy judgment.

Costly thy habit as thy purse can buy,
But not express'd in fancy; rich, not gaudy;
For the apparel oft proclaims the man,
And they in France of the best rank and station
Are of a most select and generous chief in that.

Neither a borrower nor a lender be;
For loan oft loses both itself and friend,
And borrowing dulls the edge of husbandry.

This above all: to thine ownself be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

The son was also overseas, when his dad died.

Good luck.

 

[k_sheep]

Sorry to hear about your recent life turmoils boss Make sure you keep your friends close, as they are the ones who will help you through this.

As for your money, do what you want; richness isn't measured by what we can afford, but rather that we can enjoy. I've felt "rich" my whole adult life (parents never had any money, still don't - I'm supporting my mother financially almost %100), even when earning $30k/yr as a scientist. It's all perspective, not absolute numbers (which I guess is what you're doing with your new life plans).

 

[JW1003]

IF you do this then please take photos as I am not about to go there :!:

My family and I have stayed at many a Travelodge for 19 pound. Some good some bad, some at the services which were really bad. Also stayed at the Premier Inns on 29 pound deals. On a budget they are fine.

 

[JW1003]

BR, Myself and J are very sorry to hear of the passing of your father, and in our "home" city as well. I can say after the lunch we had together in Auckland, you can come across as out of touch, but when you open up to people and we know where you have come from, it is not actually the case. If you want to experience common people, jump the train to Manchester, and then the number 17 to Rochdale, and J and can catch up with you for dinner at the highroad chippy. Anyway, I have sent you an email, I hope it finds its way to you.

 

[parsonstrish]

Shaun, I, too, am very sorry to hear of your father's passing. I know I was in my 40's and felt like an orphan when my Mother died. When our parents die, our foundation can be rocked. Grief takes us into unchartered water and we aren't the same for awhile.
We've not met, but I have a sense of you from your posts and you've always struck me as someone with a very generous spirit and heart. It's wonderful you have folk in your life who care and are there for you.
As others have mentioned, it sounds as though there have been major things happening in your life that can make one self-reflect on choices made in life. Continue to be kind to yourself, acknowledge what is happening at any time that may effect you, don't expect yourself to operate in the same manner as the same when all is well in your world. I learned this truth from a lecturer at Uni. when I had two significant losses within a week period. She told me I wouldn't be able to operate at the same level as usual and not expect too, a great learning I've applied to other losses/issues in my life since.
Best wishes, trish

 

[bossreggie]

Doesn't an apprentice chef earn like $9/hr? Maybe after 3 months full time, that'd be enough cash to fly tiger MEL-AKL, but probably have to IOU Simon Gault for the meal, and take the subsequent year to pay it back to him

You probably know me better than most Ben. The job I am taking is completely unpaid. You know how I have a passion for food and wine. The chef I will be working for is one of the best in Britain, and to me, the experience is worth me putting my time in.

No matter what happens. I see myself spending some time learning from some great chefs. I could just buy a place now. I also know enough chefs that I could call in a favour and have them teach me in their restaurants.

I wrote to about 20 restaurants in the UK and went along for some interviews. The restaurant I chose to work at is in a small country village. they are providing my accommodation, which I must say I'm not sure about. They are only open 5 days a week so I will have time off for myself.

I had arranged all this prior to the death of my Dad and it is because I want to learn to be an excellent cook. Cooking has always been one of the things I enjoy.

 

[Flashback]

You probably know me better than most Ben. The job I am taking is completely unpaid. You know how I have a passion for food and wine. The chef I will be working for is one of the best in Britain, and to me, the experience is worth me putting my time in.

No matter what happens. I see myself spending some time learning from some great chefs. I could just buy a place now. I also know enough chefs that I could call in a favour and have them teach me in their restaurants.

I wrote to about 20 restaurants in the UK and went along for some interviews. The restaurant I chose to work at is in a small country village. they are providing my accommodation, which I must say I'm not sure about. They are only open 5 days a week so I will have time off for myself.

I had arranged all this prior to the death of my Dad and it is because I want to learn to be an excellent cook. Cooking has always been one of the things I enjoy.

So you're catering the next AFF London Do then?

 

[ChrisFlyer]

I was very sorry to hear of your recent loss on Twitter, having previously read your posts on what had triggered your decision to retire a few years ago. I had originally chosen not to reply to your tweet, as we'd only chatted online (missed you at the Tweet & Greet and your Brisbane drinks - not a lot of luck!). Though as you've shared your thoughts here, I thought it more appropriate to reply!

Having never met you, I can only go on what I've read on AFF (and Twitter and the occasional SMS)... you've always come across as an incredibly kind (and generous) person - having offered many AFF members so, so much and asking for absolutely nothing in return. IIRC, after the loss of your mother, you really seemed to value the people and relationships in your life, as opposed to your ability to grow your business interests (and fortune) even more. As you are now re-examining your life, I hope that genuine people and relationships are still your priority - regardless of the decisions you ultimately decide to make. The fact that you do still take to heart comments made by those who are close to you, does show that beneath it all, you're just as vulnerable and down-to-earth as any of us. Privileged, yes. Out of touch? I'm not so sure...

Overall, I think it really depends on who you want to be "in touch" with. People in executive positions are very rarely "in touch" with those who are unemployed and are living in poverty, and it would be fair to suggest that the reverse would apply too (perhaps with a hint of jealousy). If your partner (and close friends) really considered that you were "out of touch", perhaps it was more of a reference to the financial (and scheduling) freedom that you enjoy, when compared to those who are focusing on a set career path, and who are working very inflexible hours. No doubt some time spent at the very bottom will help you to remember what it may have been like earlier in your career (with the drive to reach the very top), though it will also likely remind you that you have already been there before, and have worked your hardest to rise to the position you are in now. Your partner obviously expresses the concern that if he were to burn his bridges by suddely leaving his position, it would be difficult for him to return to develop his career in the future, in the way that you have developed yours (albeit in a different field). As it doesn't seem that the two of you are married (or "civilly unionised", or whatever the UK term (or stance) is), he is likely only trying to safeguard his future prospects, which perhaps explains his "out of touch" comment.

The sudden loss of your father is incredibly unfortunate, particularly given the physical distance between the two of you at the time. Personally, I have been estranged from most of my family for about 12 years now - including my father (by choice, and frankly necessity). Not something I'll go into in great detail on a public forum, but I do strongly remember the feelings of hurt and loss when the estrangement occurred. I was only a pre-teen, but it was also as though these family members were gone forever - which is still the case to me, and likely to be literally possible for a few of them... I just don't know, as in my head, I've already 'lost' these people. I won't pretend to know what you're going through, but I certainly do understand the sudden re-assessment and concern over one's own life that can follow such an event, which takes me back to what I said before - at heart, you're no different to any of us.

Anyway, on a lighter note, I really hope you enjoy your time in DXB! Fortunately (and as you may already know), my work is very seasonal and contract-based, so I have the freedom to travel almost whenever and wherever I choose - whether it's a new destination for me, or even one I've been to many times before... the only problem is (of course) paying for it all, which keeps me at home more often that I'd like! Though, as my circumstances often let me travel on a whim (eg. AKL for only 12 hrs, or b'fast in BNE, lunch in ADL and dinner in PER), I've entered QF's competition to win a trip in J on the same inaugural DXB flight (with attendance to the events you've already described). As with any competition, I very much doubt I'll be the winner, but it doesn't stop me from trying! If I do manage to win, we'll have to catch up at some point, and if not, I hope that our paths do cross one of these days - it would be a pleasure to meet the infamous bossreggie!

I wish you all the best with your personal search... and if your hospitality work ever takes you to Rockpool or the kitchens in the QF F lounges, I'm sure that would be reason enough for an AFF "do" (or even a future QF Loyalty lunch)

 

[Princess Fiona]

So you're catering the next AFF London Do then?

I'm up for that

 

[Pushka]

I'm up for that

And this time you will get to fly, too! My entry has been lodged!

 

[coolumbla]

I'm guessing that tasting the peanut sauce is going to be a fairly low point!

to be honest when i first started reading this my first thought was "food quality control!"

C

 

[whatmeworry]

But I don't think that doing these things is necessarily going to achieve anything. I think you think you need to prove something to the close friends who have told you that you are out of touch but despite them being close, they are probably expressing an unconscious envy that you can have any lifestyle you choose.

I would disagree. Although friends might be envious of of bossreggie, this is something that he might have to do for some type of cleansing of his own soul and I suspect that is why his is contemplating such a action. I hope he gets what he is looking for!

 

[Pushka]

Maybe being out of touch with people and society is thinking that business and first class travel, having amazing experiences etc are simply things that everyone can and does do. If you remember that being able to do such things is a always a privilege then you remain in touch.

 

[JessicaTam]

Dear bossreggie,

I am sorry to hear about the death of your father. It is always difficult, even if we think we are prepared. I had ten years to prepare for my father's death, but it was still one of the hardest days of my life. At least I was there when he died, where you unfortunately were not able to be with yours.

As far as being out of touch, from what I have read in the year or so I have been on the forum I would disagree. You have a turn of phrase that tells me you know what is going on with those around you and the world at large. Should you choose to fly whY, then so be it. But I am not sure it will achieve anything - apart from making sure you never do it again, that is.

Enjoy the kitchen; it is invigorating to work knowing that the whole dining room is relying on you. (Not to mention the chef who will tear you a new one if you stuff up).

I hope you find what you are looking for, or at least can be comfortable in the search.

Jess.

P.S. re: Common People - Unfortunately I had the William Shatner version bouncing around my head.

 

[missafternoondelight]

Sorry about your parents, Boss.

Since you're genuinely asking for opinions..

I wouldn't say you necessarily come across as arrogant, but from all the posts I've read of yours, you seem to define yourself by your wealth, and expect others on this forum to do so, too. I'm sure there are many of us with "means", but few are so eager that it is the first thing others know. I wonder what you're trying to achieve with the constant mention of your means - why do you need to be known as the rich guy? I remember a while back there was a thread about betting with your son about going whY, and then losing the bet, and that is unthinkable, because did you know I'm so wealthy? etc. It seems a bit braggy, but also a bit insecure. I think everyone would still like you if you were just a guy. Even the whole generosity thing is just an extension of the wealth thing. It's great that you give money to charity, a lot of money, and yes, relative to your means perhaps comparable to what others give as a proportion of their means. Still, I think you have more to offer than money.. and the preoccupation with $$$ doesn't let that shine through as well as it could. I'm sure you've got much more to offer.

The restaurant gig does sound like a good idea - not for the money side of things, but because it would give you something else to think / talk about, and to relate to others about.

The idea of 'downscaling' is a bit of a cliche - it is still working on the assumption that the amount of resources someone has available to them makes them a different person. I think it reflects a belief that those that 'poor people' are not like you. They are, in all the important ways.. same anatomy, similar hopes and fears.. many of the same sorrows (like losing parents). Focussing on the similarities rather than the differences of those from different backgrounds would be more helpful in terms of what you are trying to achieve. Especially since the important ingredient in poverty, desperation will never be realised, because you always have a choice.

Perhaps the first challenge could be to spend a month on AFF making no mention of yourself as a man with means, or of dilemmas due to your wealth. This would allow us all to get to know and connect with the real you - your personality, talents, intelligence, sense of humour etc. much better.

 

[SeatBackForward]

About two years ago, my father at age 63 went to his office on a Friday morning, like every Friday morning he attended a team meeting. He returned to his desk and had a severe heart attack. His office was staffed with military level medical support but even they could do nothing for him. He was working interstate from the rest of our family, so it felt to me he died a lonely death, but at least he was doing what he enjoyed and it was quick. Of course because it was sudden and unexpected we never had a chance to spend that previous time with him. He died without knowing how much of an inspiration he was to all of us...

I'm not in a position to comment on your own personal life Boss. Whether any downsizing has any benefits I can't say either way. Although I do think the fact you have the "choice" to do it will reduce the intended result.
You don't need to prove anything for anyone, and I do believe that one of the biggest reasons for relationship problems is when people have expectations that don't get fulfilled, you have to just accept a person for what they are...warts and all..even if that wart is called 1A.

 

[drewbles]

Take him to Fast Eddies for a burger and a VB.

Make sure it's the one at Carousel. The joys that that place is *shudders*