Atmosphere

[Noob]

Is anyone still here or are you all busy our strategic alliance with Tiger? Wait on...

My superior business analysis techniques say Tiger is a good alliance partners because bogans are not going anywhere!

 

[yogi]

Welcome back Noob. Do you have anything to add to anything or potential next steps?

 

[Noob]

I saw we beat tiger and jetstar at their own game!

Some ways of cost cutting (And they're good I stole them from Alan Joyce after I got him really drunk at the pub)

• seats are a waste of space, get rid of seats and you can triple aircraft capacity - a 737 can fit 400 passengers.
• no fuel, instead place pedals in front of every passenger - 400 slaves, umm I mean passengers pedaling can keep the plane above 100ft so we are at least beating Tigers standards.
• no FA's instead we will put a cardboard cut out of Magda Szubanski - naked - that should keep everyone in check!
• If we have learnt anything from the wise leprechaun we should know that pilots are simply an unnecessary cost strain on an airline. Therefore, they will be sacked and not replaced - Magda can keep an eye on that too.
• replace check in staff with a self service system and call it "next generation" which is really staff members sitting in cardboard boxes making robot noises.
• Our lounge will literally be a LOUNGE - we can pick up an old lounge/couch from the side of the road on hard pick up day if we're quick! Should be one to rival QF first lounge!
• make flight close 10hrs before departure, and let people onto the flight for a substantial fee per minute past.
• We will have a chairman's lounge which will be a man sitting on a chair next to the lounge, we will put a shower curtain around it to make it "exclusive"
• business class can be the same as economy, except, you get a "breathing hole" - saves on maintenance costs too!

Fare prices, extras and conditions:

• Gold coin fare for anywhere in australia (sorry that's one way)
• No carry on baggage included, all baggage charged at $100 a kg
• You are weighed with and without clothes on, the weight of your clothes is also charged at $100 a kg
• No refunds
• Check in closes 10hrs before departure, if you arrive after this time you will be asked to "**** off" as per company guidelines.
• If we crash it's your fault for not pedaling hard enough
• one in every two flights will be cancelled (its all part of the fun! Try your luck!)