General Medical issues thread

[Flyfrequently]

JohnK, I think some of the pushback you received was that your first few posts on the topic painted all nursing staff as arrogant and terrible. The generalisation went against the experience of many others who then posted their own views.

In terms of finding the best care options for your father, it is a really hard thing. There are some excellent nursing homes with great staff, facilities and exceptional care. There are some not so good and some that really do fail. If or when you do start to look, visit as many places as you you can and try to feel the 'vibe' of the place. Of course many of the good ones have a waiting list and the worry is that if your father needs to enter urgently, the best may not have a vacancy.
Also, my advice is don't leave it too long. My mum always resisted going into the local lodge (home) and in the end as it was an urgent admission, she had to move into one in a neighbouring country town. This was also complicated that it was in the middle of the COVID shutdowns in 2020 so we were not able to be there to help.

Note, there are different ways to afford entry and not all include paying an upfront deposit. The My Aged Care website provides lots of information on the different options. Also the Aged Care Quality and Safety Commission has provider audits and reports on its website. Always worth checking for compliance with the standards.

Well expressed @love_the_life

It is always difficult and challenging to navigate Aged Care.

Worth checking out that website mentioned @JohnK

My financial adviser held an Aged Care Seminar last week and the big takeaway was, to have the difficult conversations early, do research early, as you never know what lies ahead ie necessitating "car park conversations" with your children and rushed decisions with little choices available.

We know this will be us one day and we will be like our parents and may be resistant to what others (family & health professionals) perceive is best.

 

[prozac]

Looks like a Pride Sportrider.
My sister in BNE is trying to sell one with only 30 kilometers on it for $3k. Not easy to sell second hand.

Only driven to church on Sundays ...

 

[mrsterryn]

Definitely not trying to sell you my sister's. Was thinking that if you need one, used might be the way to go. Apparently so many people get a free one courtesy of the NDIS or similar.

Ummm more I don't trust my husband lol (tongue in cheek lol )

 

[JohnK]

Well expressed @love_the_life

It is always difficult and challenging to navigate Aged Care.

Worth checking out that website mentioned @JohnK

With aged care for mum and dad the difficulty will be language. Especially dad. English is a very distant 3rd language. We'd be looking at Greek Orthodox aged care facilities so parents can feel at home and freely speak Greek with almost anyone. I'm not sure what sort of reputation they have in the service they provide. Need to start asking around if anyone we know has parents or relatives in aged care.

 

[Quickstatus]

Greek Orthodox aged care

@JohnK maybe the best people to ask is likely some members in the Orthodox Church.

 

[Seat0B]

Due to mum, maternal grandmother and a few other females on the family tree our family has had very lengthy discussions about nursing homes
If I am on par with my mother with dementia or close to it , I am to go to a nursing home . My husband is well aware of my wishes and so is my son. Currently with capacity sound that is my decision for when my capacity is not sound
I will not inflict that type of care onto family. Be it a spouse or child. That isn't their role.
Definitely agree with you Pushka , not an outcome I want but fully aware that a nursing home may be in my future

I really feel for you @mrsterryn - it's so hard to watch the impact of dementia isn't it.

My darling dad, the most gentle man in the world, had serious vascular dementia. Sometimes it was funny and we could laugh it off eg the time he fell and clearly broke his arm and Mum and I took him to the hospital. He then told us that we were a "pair of conniving coughes" - my father who I had practically never heard swear in my whole life. At least we got a laugh out of that one -"Yeah, what kind of wife/child takes an 84 year old man with a broken arm to the hospital - we certainly are bad cough!!!"

One day not long before he died, my sister looked after Dad so mum and I could go to my daughter's wedding shower. She took him for tea and cake at the Canberra Arboretum, a favourite place where I used to take him every Thursday so mum could have some respite time to herself. When he got home, he told mum that " a nice kind young lady (my sister) had taken him to that place (the arboretum) that the other lovely one (me) usually took him". At least he thought we were kind and lovely, but he did not recognise his own daughters.

He was often confused and scared, sometimes violent physically and verbally. He kept falling and needing the ambulance to come and lift him from the ground, and sometimes breaking bones or needing stitches. We made the hard decision to put him into care. He saved himself and us from that by receiving an unanticipated diagnosis of Stage 4 lung cancer and dying in less than 5 weeks from diagnosis. Sad, but could have been worse.

Mum has clearly taken all this to heart and at 89 is still managing well independently with assistance from in home care package and my sister, my wonderful husband, and me, plus some support from a couple of her grandchildren when their work and family lives allow. She accepts all help with grace and dignity. But she has also made the decision that she will go into care when she can't manage, to spare us, and has told us that this is her wish.

Getting old is certainly not easy.

 

[love_the_life]

In all fairness I did say "my experience with nurses in general is poor". I really cannot say that I've had many, if any, positive experiences and the ones on my mind are mainly negative and everlasting. But these are my experiences. No point anyone arguing that I should have better experiences and Im wrong. Cannot be wrong with personal experiences. That's my luck. It follows me everywhere.

I'm sure the thumb is arthritis and doctor mentioned cortisone injection but we can't keep injecting every joint with cortisone.

I've had shin splints for a long time but now something new has started on left lower leg. Feels like electrical pain down the lower leg about 2-3 to the outside of the shin bone. When it's bad I feel like passing out. The pain to the head is quite bad. But here's the thing. If it's nerve pain it doesn't start from buttocks and go down the thigh. It starts about 10cms below the knee. Doctor shrugged shoulders.

Some will never understand and be very quick to criticise. I'm not even 60 years old yet. How can you go around with a smile on your face so you don't depress others? Impossible. Just grin and bear it and hope one day all will change but that requires a miracle.

I know you have a range of serious health issues JohnK and are determined to push on through. For that I applaud you. It certainly can't be an easy road.

 

[love_the_life]

Mum has clearly taken all this to heart and at 89 is still managing well independently with assistance from in home care package and my sister, my wonderful husband, and me, plus some support from a couple of her grandchildren when their work and family lives allow. She accepts all help with grace and dignity. But she has also made the decision that she will go into care when she can't manage, to spare us, and has told us that this is her wish.

Getting old is certainly not easy.

My mum always said that even if she was against it and the family felt she should go into care, we were to go ahead. However, when push came to shove she dug her heels in and refused to even consider the option. Also compounded by being in the middle of the Covid Victorian shut down and MrLtL beginning radiation therapy.

She had a fall at one stage and did not push her emergency button because she knew that they would send an ambulance and she would be taken to hospital. She lay on the floor for a couple of hours until an 85 yr old neighbour called in. Her usual carer was away at the time and couldn't get back. My SIL had arranged in home support but of course she was cunning and would say she was fine whenever they came.

Guess what I am saying, is that even if your mother says she will go into care if necessary, sometimes an older person will become very resistant. In my mum's case, she was concerned about selling the house as she said it was where family could stay. it didn't matter how many times I explained RAD options this was what she kept returning to. I would also advise that family have the hard talk about finances. In mum's case, it took a long time to track down her accounts and investments as my brothers (executers) didn't know what she had or where.

 

[openseat]

Unfortunately due to the requirements of nursing homes now, some excellent small homes are closing their doors. Care is more than form filling and paper pushing.

 

[Cossie]

Her indoors, my angel, former ICU nurse has had a few issues over the last few years, with her back, today’s news is not good.
She has been complaining about back issues for a while, but it hasn’t stopped her in doing things, just like her knee replacements and a broken bone in her foot didn’t slow her down either.
Following a MRI a few days ago, she has severe spondylitis, so further discussions with appropriate medical professionals are required, not good.

Sigh, she is my rock and I’m having difficulty dealing with this.

My thoughts are with anyone currently dealing with issues with their partners or loved ones.

 

[Flyfrequently]

....I would also advise that family have the hard talk about finances.

That was the very point made at an Aged Care Seminar we went to last week @love_the_life !

 

[Flyfrequently]

Her indoors, my angel, former ICU nurse has had a few issues over the last few years, with her back, today’s news is not good.
She has been complaining about back issues for a while, but it hasn’t stopped her in doing things, just like her knee replacements and a broken bone in her foot didn’t slow her down either.
Following a MRI a few days ago, she has severe spondylitis, so further discussions with appropriate medical professionals are required, not good.

Sigh, she is my rock and I’m having difficulty dealing with this.

My thoughts are with anyone currently dealing with issues with their partners or loved ones.

Sending positive vibes to you both in this challenging time @Cossie

 

[love_the_life]

Her indoors, my angel, former ICU nurse has had a few issues over the last few years, with her back, today’s news is not good.
She has been complaining about back issues for a while, but it hasn’t stopped her in doing things, just like her knee replacements and a broken bone in her foot didn’t slow her down either.
Following a MRI a few days ago, she has severe spondylitis, so further discussions with appropriate medical professionals are required, not good.

Sigh, she is my rock and I’m having difficulty dealing with this.

My thoughts are with anyone currently dealing with issues with their partners or loved ones.

Hopefully the discussions with the specialists will give you a better idea of how to approach this. Certainly it is something that would knock anyone for six . Hugs to you and MrsC.

 

[MARTINE]

Wishing you and Mrs C all the very best

 

[Pushka]

My mum always said that even if she was against it and the family felt she should go into care, we were to go ahead. However, when push came to shove she dug her heels in and refused to even consider the option. Also compounded by being in the middle of the Covid Victorian shut down and MrLtL beginning radiation therapy.

She had a fall at one stage and did not push her emergency button because she knew that they would send an ambulance and she would be taken to hospital. She lay on the floor for a couple of hours until an 85 yr old neighbour called in. Her usual carer was away at the time and couldn't get back. My SIL had arranged in home support but of course she was cunning and would say she was fine whenever they came.

Guess what I am saying, is that even if your mother says she will go into care if necessary, sometimes an older person will become very resistant. In my mum's case, she was concerned about selling the house as she said it was where family could stay. it didn't matter how many times I explained RAD options this was what she kept returning to. I would also advise that family have the hard talk about finances. In mum's case, it took a long time to track down her accounts and investments as my brothers (executers) didn't know what she had or where.

I've spent quite some time getting together all the finances, supers, insurances, bank accounts etc all compiled In a folder and kept in a fire container. Kids know exactly where it is, and it contains a couple of things for the grandies and all jewellery labeled etc either there or in the will. Not that it's worth a fortune by any long stretch but it's sentimental. I've chucked out the decorative stuff I won't need. Older son has access card and knows where the key is kept (living in a secure apartment). All house documents. Of course, there's also a storage shed full of stuff like all the Olympic uniforms and the things the kids didn't take with them when they left. My revenge. . I did all this just before our Egypt Israel trip in May this year. Plus all the usual wills and p of a.

 

[Flyfrequently]

I've spent quite some time getting together all the finances, supers, insurances, bank accounts etc all compiled In a folder and kept in a fire container. Kids know exactly where it is, and it contains a couple of things for the grandies and all jewellery labeled etc either there or in the will. Not that it's worth a fortune by any long stretch but it's sentimental. I've chucked out the decorative stuff I won't need. Older son has access card and knows where the key is kept (living in a secure apartment). All house documents. Of course, there's also a storage shed full of stuff like all the Olympic uniforms and the things the kids didn't take with them when they left. My revenge. . I did all this just before our Egypt Israel trip in May this year. Plus all the usual wills and p of a.

Good on you for being so organised @Pushka

My dear Dad had his " yellow envelope" and kept adding bits to it over the years. By 94 he had everything that we needed when the time came, even all the housekeys had a coloured tag - and a chart to match.
Bless him

 

[JohnK]

@JohnK maybe the best people to ask is likely some members in the Orthodox Church.

Hey good idea but I'm not really religious. Now simulation theory is a different story.

I know you have a range of serious health issues JohnK and are determined to push on through. For that I applaud you. It certainly can't be an easy road.

Serious? Nah. Just a few. Ankylosing spondylitis. Sacroiliitis. Osteoarthritis. Gout. Plantar fascitis. Shin splints. Venous insufficiency. Tendonitis. Bursitis. Curved spine. Depression. OCD. Bulge in left rib just under breast. Sleep apnoea.

All chronic. Most cause severe discomfort. It's a long and difficult road but I'm not one to give in that easily. But the one that makes me sad the most is wife diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis a few months ago. I've learnt to cope with my immune conditions but it's not going to be easy for my wife.

 

[tgh]

I've spent quite some time getting together all the finances

Kudos Pushka, I am a bit in denial in this area..after all I am quite young and fit and plan to be around for another millennium or two
Our original wills were made before #1 son settled overseas ; he still has the first $ he ever earned so was earmarked to head the finance department.
Fortunately #2 son is probably now a worthy assistant and I am sure they will sort it all out
There are all sorts of issues with OS beneficiaries..especially US residents.

 

[Seat0B]

Her indoors, my angel, former ICU nurse has had a few issues over the last few years, with her back, today’s news is not good.
She has been complaining about back issues for a while, but it hasn’t stopped her in doing things, just like her knee replacements and a broken bone in her foot didn’t slow her down either.
Following a MRI a few days ago, she has severe spondylitis, so further discussions with appropriate medical professionals are required, not good.

Sigh, she is my rock and I’m having difficulty dealing with this.

My thoughts are with anyone currently dealing with issues with their partners or loved ones.

It is difficult to deal with, I think maybe more difficult than being the one with the medical issues. I know things have been tough for Mr Seat 0A lately. Thinking of you.

 

[Seat0B]

I've spent quite some time getting together all the finances

Kudos Pushka, I am a bit in denial in this area..after all I am quite young and fit and plan to be around for another millennium or two
Our original wills were made before #1 son settled overseas ; he still has the first $ he ever earned so was earmarked to head the finance department.
Fortunately #2 son is probably now a worthy assistant and I am sure they will sort it all out
There are all sorts of issues with OS beneficiaries..especially US residents.

We also have issues because Seat Son lives overseas and until recently was a dual Aus/US citizen (by accident of being born there while we were on a military posting). He has now given it up - that was a process in itself.

Our wills require the kids (executors) to obtain legal, financial and taxation advice at the estate’s expense before dealing with any asset under the will as there are some major traps associated with particular kinds of assets such as property. We hope that helps minimise issues at that time.