General Parenting Discussion

[JohnK]

Your first comment is funny.

Your last - I feel your pain.

Are you making it too exciting for her before she goes to bed? Long naps too late in the day?

We've been trying to let her decide. She's very independent for a 2 year old and I don't want to stop/stun her development. Obviously that comes with a cost.

For daytime she'll usually say "Mum, baby sleep". That can be 12:00pm, 1:00pm, 2:00pm or even 3:00pm. Sometimes mum tries to get her to sleep earlier.

Evening is watching some TV until 8:00pm and then shower and trying to get her to relax before sleep. She doesn't sit still which makes it harder.

 

[Pushka]

We've been trying to let her decide. She's very independent for a 2 year old and I don't want to stop/stun her development. Obviously that comes with a cost.

For daytime she'll usually say "Mum, baby sleep". That can be 12:00pm, 1:00pm, 2:00pm or even 3:00pm. Sometimes mum tries to get her to sleep earlier.

Evening is watching some TV until 8:00pm and then shower and trying to get her to relax before sleep. She doesn't sit still which makes it harder.

Read @QF WP s excellent post above. Your daughter is not the boss. She cannot make decisions like this as she does not have the capability. Along with independence comes discipline. Currently she’s ruling the house.

There. You’ve brought out my “inner old wife”.

 

[Flying mermaid]

We've been trying to let her decide. She's very independent for a 2 year old and I don't want to stop/stun her development. Obviously that comes with a cost.

For daytime she'll usually say "Mum, baby sleep". That can be 12:00pm, 1:00pm, 2:00pm or even 3:00pm. Sometimes mum tries to get her to sleep earlier.

Evening is watching some TV until 8:00pm and then shower and trying to get her to relax before sleep. She doesn't sit still which makes it harder.

we found day sleeps were disastrous. Also not sure TV would work - probably makes her more alert. We had a routine which we kept pretty much the same, which was bath, dinner and then reading to them in bed, singing some songs and then good night. Everyone has to find the routine that works best for them though. Because both Mr FM and I were at home in the day (I ran the business from home), we really wanted them to go to sleep early, so we got some adult time.

As I said though - no trouble getting them to sleep, but never slept through at all. From 1 they slept with me and that seemed to work best. At least I got maximum sleep that way. Mr FM had his own bed in a spare room - worked well, as he got up early and I could have a bit of a sleep in. we effectively looked after the kids in shifts At 3 they went into their own beds and I never had another problem.

Childcare helps as they get them into a routine, but if they are having sleeps there (and I think they like them to, although I don’t know as ours never went to childcare), then they will be even more wide awake at home.

 

[Katie]

We've been trying to let her decide. She's very independent for a 2 year old and I don't want to stop/stun her development. Obviously that comes with a cost.

For daytime she'll usually say "Mum, baby sleep". That can be 12:00pm, 1:00pm, 2:00pm or even 3:00pm. Sometimes mum tries to get her to sleep earlier.

Evening is watching some TV until 8:00pm and then shower and trying to get her to relax before sleep. She doesn't sit still which makes it harder.

Oh gee, TV and devices (phones, tablets, etc) are really, really stimulating for all brains, but particularly small brains. Each kid is different, but a routine is essential for most kids - it established a predictable, reassuring pattern of behaviour (note that a routine is not necessarily a schedule - it's 6:35pm, so we must do this, etc - but a predictable sequence of events). My kid at 12 needs a routine, and thrives on it. She can become quite concerned when the routine is broken, but that gives us the opportunity to reassure her that some deviations are OK, and learn to cope with them (she used to get worried if we didn't drive the usual way to a known destination).

Thinking about last night - husband cut his finger at about 5:45pm, we went to northside emergency to get it seen to. His parents are over for dinner (and babysitting, as we were meant to see a play at QPAC at 7:30). We get home some time after 9pm. ILs are sitting downstairs watching TV (having finished the dinner making, feed the child and themselves, etc). My MIL comments that she thinks Not So Little Miss is probably asleep.

I go upstairs - Not So Little Miss is wide awake and hasn't even showered yet. She still needs to be reminded to do these things, as she gets distracted. She doesn't automatically follow the regular night-time routine without some prompts. My ILs seem to think she's so grown up, and fair enough, everyone was a bit distracted with the night's excitement … but even a 12yo can need to be told to go to bed! (Given her Dad had been to hospital, I wasn't surprised that she was awake, just surprised the evening routine stopped at dessert, and the ILs just assumed she was doing the right thing). 8pm is when we try to get her into bed (8:15 is more realistic), and it's light's out at about 8:30 after some reading.

The dessert > shower > into bed and red > lights out sequence is important for my girl, and if we skip the reading in particular, her brain doesn't calm down as much, and she won't fall asleep quickly. She also can rarely admit that she's tired - it's like accusing her of committing murder!!

 

[Pushka]

Oh gee, TV and devices (phones, tablets, etc) are really, really stimulating for all brains, but particularly small brains. Each kid is different, but a routine is essential for most kids - it established a predictable, reassuring pattern of behaviour (note that a routine is not necessarily a schedule - it's 6:35pm, so we must do this, etc - but a predictable sequence of events). My kid at 12 needs a routine, and thrives on it. She can become quite concerned when the routine is broken, but that gives us the opportunity to reassure her that some deviations are OK, and learn to cope with them (she used to get worried if we didn't drive the usual way to a known destination).

Thinking about last night - husband cut his finger at about 5:45pm, we went to northside emergency to get it seen to. His parents are over for dinner (and babysitting, as we were meant to see a play at QPAC at 7:30). We get home some time after 9pm. ILs are sitting downstairs watching TV (having finished the dinner making, feed the child and themselves, etc). My MIL comments that she thinks Not So Little Miss is probably asleep.

I go upstairs - Not So Little Miss is wide awake and hasn't even showered yet. She still needs to be reminded to do these things, as she gets distracted. She doesn't automatically follow the regular night-time routine without some prompts. My ILs seem to think she's so grown up, and fair enough, everyone was a bit distracted with the night's excitement … but even a 12yo can need to be told to go to bed! (Given her Dad had been to hospital, I wasn't surprised that she was awake, just surprised the evening routine stopped at dessert, and the ILs just assumed she was doing the right thing). 8pm is when we try to get her into bed (8:15 is more realistic), and it's light's out at about 8:30 after some reading.

The dessert > shower > into bed and red > lights out sequence is important for my girl, and if we skip the reading in particular, her brain doesn't calm down as much, and she won't fall asleep quickly. She also can rarely admit that she's tired - it's like accusing her of committing murder!!

This is indeed a good time for reading in bed with your child. TV is never going to work. We also used soothing music to settle one child but the other one didn’t need it.

 

[JohnK]

Read @QF WP s excellent post above. Your daughter is not the boss. She cannot make decisions like this as she does not have the capability. Along with independence comes discipline. Currently she’s ruling the house.

There. You’ve brought out my “inner old wife”.

"Too late now". Discipline may come when she's old enough to understand.

I was using the laptop the other day and as kids do she tried to step on the screen 3 times and with the 3rd time I gave her a firm slap on the bottom. She's wearing a nappy. She stood there for 5-10 seconds looking at me and then slowly walked to mum in the kitchen with her lips down to the floor. "Mum!".

I really felt sad.

 

[QF WP]

"Too late now". Discipline may come when she's old enough to understand.

I was using the laptop the other day and as kids do she tried to step on the screen 3 times and with the 3rd time I gave her a firm slap on the bottom. She's wearing a nappy. She stood there for 5-10 seconds looking at me and then slowly walked to mum in the kitchen with her lips down to the floor. "Mum!".

I really felt sad.

Looks like she's old enough to understand now - you disciplined her and now she understands there are consequences for her actions. You however need to explain to her why it is wrong to walk on Daddy's laptop, because she has no understanding of value, what it does etc. Tell her that if she does it again, it might mean that Daddy can't let her watch Peppa Pig or whatever she watches on your laptop from time-to-time.

Our kids got the naughty corner for the number of minutes based on their age and the time only started when they were quiet. At the end, we hugged them and told them EXACTLY what @Hvr said above then explained the reason why we put them in the naughty corner. They took a while but it worked. Hell, Master QF WP went to the naughty corner only last week

 

[JohnK]

And now you know what your parents meant when they said "this hurts me more than it hurts you".

Our parents never hit us. I don't want to hurt my daughter either and the slap didn't hurt her but think it surprised her and she was trying to work out why.

She is testing every boundary.

 

[Flying mermaid]

Our parents never hit us. I don't want to hurt my daughter either and the slap didn't hurt her but think it surprised her and she was trying to work out why.

She is testing every boundary.

i never hit my children - you can teach them without it. Lots of patience and love. However she is old enough to start teaching. And yes she is testing every boundary and you need to show her there are boundaries. She will do it even more when she is older. Consistency is the key. It gets exhausting sometimes, but worth it. Just don’t expect her to be logical or rational. That will come.

 

[Flying mermaid]

No, MsQS and the twins MstQS1 and MstQS2 were great sleepers from one month.
when MsQS was 4 and the twins were 2 we travelled SYD-CDG (J) Got the look from other passengers upon boarding . . Not a squeak during the flights (SQ) so got congrats from passengers. I could sense the patronising attitude.

we traveled F for the first time in 1989, with an 18 month old and a 3.5 year old. After dinner, I very softly read some stories and then whispered a few lullabies, tucked them into their seats. In those days there were no flat beds in F, only recliners. They went off to sleep with no problems and didn’t wake at all (most unusual). I think most of their waking at home was because they wanted to be with me and they were, on the plane. In the morning, one of the other passengers told me how wonderful they were and how quiet. Not knowing in those days that people looked at children in F with fear and loathing, I didn’t realise how incredibly relieved he was for a peaceful night.

 

[GarrettM]

i never hit my children - you can teach them without it. Lots of patience and love. However she is old enough to start teaching. And yes she is testing every boundary and you need to show her there are boundaries. She will do it even more when she is older. Consistency is the key. It gets exhausting sometimes, but worth it. Just don’t expect her to be logical or rational. That will come.

I really don't like too, but MissGM has recently started spitting on me when she doesn't get her own way. That was a bridge too far for me, and so a sharp whack on the bum for her every time.

Before this I think I've only hit her once or twice. Her mother has never done so. The first time I hit her with any force, and she realised what had happened, she bawled her eyes out. So did I. That was a tough parenting moment.

Usually we can keep her in line with words or a spray under the garden hose.

 

[get me outta here]

Keep in mind that smacking / hitting means there’s no explanation of the problem setting an example that violence is acceptable. Hitting a child so much smaller than an adult says that it’s OK for her to do it to others at school and to relos. And, hitting in anger also demonstrates an inappropriate response to anger. It’s difficult sometimes for sure, you have a bad day, you’re tired and then something valuable is broken. But, best to be forewarned as it will happen.

 

[GarrettM]

We always talk it out once the tantrum behaviour has stopped. And she's always able to acknowledge her bad behaviour. Just having trouble self-regulating. Now that she's started kindy that might help. Yesterday I explained how spitting is a very bad thing to do, and if she was a grown up and did it the police would come and take her away. Not sure that's the best method but whatever.

I feel this is just a short period we are working through. She's otherwise usually well mannered, and (I think) fairly intelligent. Thankfully she's only ever showed violent tendencies towards us and not others.

 

[love_the_life]

I really don't like too, but MissGM has recently started spitting on me when she doesn't get her own way. That was a bridge too far for me, and so a sharp whack on the bum for her every time.

Before this I think I've only hit her once or twice. Her mother has never done so. The first time I hit her with any force, and she realised what had happened, she bawled her eyes out. So did I. That was a tough parenting moment.

Usually we can keep her in line with words or a spray under the garden hose.

That sounds a bit like my son. I remember being in a supermarket with him when about 8 months pregnant with daughter. He spent the time alternatively spitting on me or wailing loudly when I smacked his hand. People looked at me as if I was the worst mother ever. In hindsight should have just given up and gone home.

 

[Quickstatus]

Yesterday I explained how spitting is a very bad thing to do, and if she was a grown up and did it the police would come and take her away. Not sure that's the best method but whatever.

Its very hard to be critical of parents trying their best.

The other side of the coin about police is you also want kids to trust police, and not jut someone who comes to take them away. Again not a criticism @GarrettM , just something all parents have to negotiate with themselves..

 

[GarrettM]

I agree, it may not be the best message to threaten her with the police. It might put her off contacting them should she need to later on lest they remove her never to be seen again.

Nah she's 3. She's not going to have a long-term aversion to police. She already knows police are there to protect us from bad people.

Although later it won't hurt her to be even a little wary of them either. But that can wait a while.

Pretty comfortable with our position, although as Quickstatus points out these are things all parents have to navigate in their own way.

 

[Flying mermaid]

We had wondered if it was the hum of the engines.
Back then the engines were louder. Superquiet cabins may not be conducive to toddler sleeping.

Could well be . I put it down to them being needy and wanting to be near me, certainly having them sleep with me until they turned 3 seemed to work.

 

[JohnK]

Looks like she's old enough to understand now - you disciplined her and now she understands there are consequences for her actions. You however need to explain to her why it is wrong to walk on Daddy's laptop, because she has no understanding of value, what it does etc. Tell her that if she does it again, it might mean that Daddy can't let her watch Peppa Pig or whatever she watches on your laptop from time-to-time.

She's starting to understand reason but not always.

She has a tablet where we've loaded quite a few kids videos. She can count and knows the alphabet in Thai and English. But she loves to surf Youtube. We try restrict her internet. Mum "phone no, no, no" asking for one of the nursery rhymes. Wife tells her to ask Da. So she now knows to wait.

And that is the only way to keep her quiet. We're very soft.

 

[Flying mermaid]

She's starting to understand reason but not always.

She has a tablet where we've loaded quite a few kids videos. She can count and knows the alphabet in Thai and English. But she loves to surf Youtube. We try restrict her internet. Mum "phone no, no, no" asking for one of the nursery rhymes. Wife tells her to ask Da. So she now knows to wait.

And that is the only way to keep her quiet. We're very soft.

nothing wrong with being soft - I was as well, as long as you are consistent and teaching her boundaries slowly,

 

[blackcat20]

Qantas status hold on the other hand....gives me longer to retain given I haven't flown much since I've been pregnant.

Status hold approved today; a very generous two years to complete my requalification. There was no way I was going to make it by end of June.