M
Misha
Guest
Okay - so wanted to rant about something but then thought if I did to my friends they would roll their eyes, shake their heads softly and say "Misha Misha Misha" the way they often do when I am on my next 'most hated' thing... If I do to Mum, I will inevitably swear ... so I am here instead!
So I am working from home today - and I get a knock on the door. I live in a warehouse conversion in Melbourne CBD so even though I have been here for two years - I don't really know my neighbours. We all kind-of are aware that other people live here, but that is about it. I know no one's name (and I am a fairly social person) and only two or so residents (we have about 18 apartments) are on a 'head nod' basis with me (I am willing to bet that is more than anyone else).
So today - something happened to me today that I didn't think occurred outside of 1950's sitcoms, TV ads or b-grade cough. A neighbour I don't know(female) knocked on my door. I answered and said hello, what can I do for you. She said she needed some sugar and some star anise. Let me set the scene: Words are pretty much word for word what was said - as best I can remember through the white rage...
Misha who normally wears a suit and tie to meetings or smart casual otherwise was wearing ripped jeans, a t-shirt and a green hoodie. They were all designer label (bought on sale overseas of course!) - I say this not to be a snob, but I am sure that she judged me a certain way straight up from my clothes. Yuppie was, no doubt, her guess. Probably thinks I own a dot.com (hah! if only she knew email and Microsoft Word were as far as I went, apart from looking up videos of cats falling down on youtube!) and own the building too! (If only!)
I invite her in. I happen to have cleaners over dusting and stuff today (hence why I am working from home) and she eyes them quickly. Her look of surprise would not have been out of place if they were a topless male and female wearing a french maid's uniform. She walks into the lounge/kitchen and does 'the sweep'. You know what I mean - the not-so-subtle quick check of everything in the house. From the couches, to the TV, to the pictures on the wall (pictures got a 'mmm'). I immediately wanted to poke her in the eyes with some of my chopsticks - or at least poke my tongue out at her when she turns (oh you know she will again) to look up towards the loft. I enjoy having people over when they are friends/family - but random pop-ins do my head in - those from strangers at least.
Neighbour: "So I need some sugar and star anise. I'll probably go down to the couple downstairs for the anise, but thought you'd probably at least have sugar."
Misha: "Actually I only have sugar sachets. I don't use it a lot. Also have equal" *cheeky grin* "if that helps?" *trying to be nice*
Neighbour: *look of disgust* "No sugar? Wow - single people really have it tough eating out every night I guess." *Lifts chin higher to ensure she can look at me down her nose*
Misha: "Umm, yeah I guess." *eh?!*
Neighbour: "Oh well, no doubt downstairs will have sugar as well."
Misha: "I do have star anise if you need some." *If the neighbour downstairs would most likely have both, why the hell are you in here then you nosey bloody cow.*
Neighbour: "You do? Oh my!" *look of shock*
Misha: "Well yes, of course. Is that all you were after or did you want anything else?" *a look into my bank statements and underwear drawer perhaps?*
Neighbour: "No I have most things. I shouldn't imagine you'd have the other ingredients I need. They're quite home-style recipe style ingredients" *what the hell is a home-style recipe?*
Misha: "Right. Well I know that the supermarket" *you know you cow - the one that is a 3 minute drive from here* "would probably have what I am lacking.... so....." *looking towards the door*
Neighbour: "Yes. I knew it would have been a long shot." *looks about house again* "Must be lovely to be single. Not having to share your house with others and not having to pay school fees and you know, not clean yourself." *looks over at cleaners and then back at me*
For some reason I feel like I am eating a triple choc sundae in the middle of a famine-zone. I am being judged in my own home! :evil: Cleaners (to their credit) did not look up and kept dusting/spraying or whatever it is that they do - how would I know!?
Misha: "Umm, yeah well, you know I didn't knock up the first girl I met when I was 18 and ended up with kids who I resent and who don't love me - so it's all relative. Others have so much" *no attempt at hiding my annoyance now*
At this point I should mention I rent - I do not own. I have a cleaner coz I am too lazy to do it myself, so I sacrifice other things for it. I only have them come in once a month for a couple of hours too - cheaper than buying a case of beer per week, or paying for foxtel (I refuse to pay for TV out of principle).
Neighbour: "Right. Well - it must be so nice. No responsibilities - not having to work."
It was at this point that I took my cleaver off the kitchen island and hacked her to thousands of pieces - upsetting the cleaners who had just done the floors that were now soaked in warm, red blood. Well okay no - but one day..... one day *rubbing hands together*
Misha: "Yeah I just sit home all day scratching my balls listening to the married couples through the walls argue and shag."
Neighbour: "Hahahahahaha" *looking like she's ready to spit at me* "Well I best be off. Have to go and cook a meal for the family - you know what its like for us married folk. Real life, real chores."
Misha: "Yes, Real chores." *death stare*
This is the clincher...
She then walks up to my kitchen cupboard and opens it and looks at me with that I told you so smirk that some hags naturally have "Just as I thought" she says and then flashes me a smile like we are best friends and walks towards the door. Then stops to look at an icon on the wall that I bought a couple of years ago in the Vatican "oh - you don't look ethnic" then walks out. *WTF?*
This all happened about an hour ago (well maybe an hour ago - can't remember after cooling down and seeing off cleaners) and I am still in shock!!!!
Okay - so maybe it isn't discrimination against singletons or anything - more so that she is a cough - but still!!! Can you believe it?! I'll have to make sure my music is turned up from now on, and am very tempted to fill her letter box with sugar. (Note: don't put in star anise as too obvious!)
Is it me, or are people totally screwed in the head? I like people less and less every day.
And no... she didn't take the star anise. If she had tried I would have pried it from her cold, dead fingers.
Humphf!
PS: So before posting this I look into my cupboard. Lots of olives, capers, dolmades and biscuit/snack type foods: I guess a single-guy's typical pantry - but who cares and what business is it of hers to look in there? I am absolutely gob-smacked!
:evil::evil::evil:
Perhaps I am overreacting... but I don't think so.
Meh!
So I am working from home today - and I get a knock on the door. I live in a warehouse conversion in Melbourne CBD so even though I have been here for two years - I don't really know my neighbours. We all kind-of are aware that other people live here, but that is about it. I know no one's name (and I am a fairly social person) and only two or so residents (we have about 18 apartments) are on a 'head nod' basis with me (I am willing to bet that is more than anyone else).
So today - something happened to me today that I didn't think occurred outside of 1950's sitcoms, TV ads or b-grade cough. A neighbour I don't know(female) knocked on my door. I answered and said hello, what can I do for you. She said she needed some sugar and some star anise. Let me set the scene: Words are pretty much word for word what was said - as best I can remember through the white rage...
Misha who normally wears a suit and tie to meetings or smart casual otherwise was wearing ripped jeans, a t-shirt and a green hoodie. They were all designer label (bought on sale overseas of course!) - I say this not to be a snob, but I am sure that she judged me a certain way straight up from my clothes. Yuppie was, no doubt, her guess. Probably thinks I own a dot.com (hah! if only she knew email and Microsoft Word were as far as I went, apart from looking up videos of cats falling down on youtube!) and own the building too! (If only!)
I invite her in. I happen to have cleaners over dusting and stuff today (hence why I am working from home) and she eyes them quickly. Her look of surprise would not have been out of place if they were a topless male and female wearing a french maid's uniform. She walks into the lounge/kitchen and does 'the sweep'. You know what I mean - the not-so-subtle quick check of everything in the house. From the couches, to the TV, to the pictures on the wall (pictures got a 'mmm'). I immediately wanted to poke her in the eyes with some of my chopsticks - or at least poke my tongue out at her when she turns (oh you know she will again) to look up towards the loft. I enjoy having people over when they are friends/family - but random pop-ins do my head in - those from strangers at least.
Neighbour: "So I need some sugar and star anise. I'll probably go down to the couple downstairs for the anise, but thought you'd probably at least have sugar."
Misha: "Actually I only have sugar sachets. I don't use it a lot. Also have equal" *cheeky grin* "if that helps?" *trying to be nice*
Neighbour: *look of disgust* "No sugar? Wow - single people really have it tough eating out every night I guess." *Lifts chin higher to ensure she can look at me down her nose*
Misha: "Umm, yeah I guess." *eh?!*
Neighbour: "Oh well, no doubt downstairs will have sugar as well."
Misha: "I do have star anise if you need some." *If the neighbour downstairs would most likely have both, why the hell are you in here then you nosey bloody cow.*
Neighbour: "You do? Oh my!" *look of shock*
Misha: "Well yes, of course. Is that all you were after or did you want anything else?" *a look into my bank statements and underwear drawer perhaps?*
Neighbour: "No I have most things. I shouldn't imagine you'd have the other ingredients I need. They're quite home-style recipe style ingredients" *what the hell is a home-style recipe?*
Misha: "Right. Well I know that the supermarket" *you know you cow - the one that is a 3 minute drive from here* "would probably have what I am lacking.... so....." *looking towards the door*
Neighbour: "Yes. I knew it would have been a long shot." *looks about house again* "Must be lovely to be single. Not having to share your house with others and not having to pay school fees and you know, not clean yourself." *looks over at cleaners and then back at me*
For some reason I feel like I am eating a triple choc sundae in the middle of a famine-zone. I am being judged in my own home! :evil: Cleaners (to their credit) did not look up and kept dusting/spraying or whatever it is that they do - how would I know!?
Misha: "Umm, yeah well, you know I didn't knock up the first girl I met when I was 18 and ended up with kids who I resent and who don't love me - so it's all relative. Others have so much" *no attempt at hiding my annoyance now*
At this point I should mention I rent - I do not own. I have a cleaner coz I am too lazy to do it myself, so I sacrifice other things for it. I only have them come in once a month for a couple of hours too - cheaper than buying a case of beer per week, or paying for foxtel (I refuse to pay for TV out of principle).
Neighbour: "Right. Well - it must be so nice. No responsibilities - not having to work."
It was at this point that I took my cleaver off the kitchen island and hacked her to thousands of pieces - upsetting the cleaners who had just done the floors that were now soaked in warm, red blood. Well okay no - but one day..... one day *rubbing hands together*
Misha: "Yeah I just sit home all day scratching my balls listening to the married couples through the walls argue and shag."
Neighbour: "Hahahahahaha" *looking like she's ready to spit at me* "Well I best be off. Have to go and cook a meal for the family - you know what its like for us married folk. Real life, real chores."
Misha: "Yes, Real chores." *death stare*
This is the clincher...
She then walks up to my kitchen cupboard and opens it and looks at me with that I told you so smirk that some hags naturally have "Just as I thought" she says and then flashes me a smile like we are best friends and walks towards the door. Then stops to look at an icon on the wall that I bought a couple of years ago in the Vatican "oh - you don't look ethnic" then walks out. *WTF?*
This all happened about an hour ago (well maybe an hour ago - can't remember after cooling down and seeing off cleaners) and I am still in shock!!!!
Okay - so maybe it isn't discrimination against singletons or anything - more so that she is a cough - but still!!! Can you believe it?! I'll have to make sure my music is turned up from now on, and am very tempted to fill her letter box with sugar. (Note: don't put in star anise as too obvious!)
Is it me, or are people totally screwed in the head? I like people less and less every day.
And no... she didn't take the star anise. If she had tried I would have pried it from her cold, dead fingers.
Humphf!
PS: So before posting this I look into my cupboard. Lots of olives, capers, dolmades and biscuit/snack type foods: I guess a single-guy's typical pantry - but who cares and what business is it of hers to look in there? I am absolutely gob-smacked!
:evil::evil::evil:
Perhaps I am overreacting... but I don't think so.
Meh!
you guys kill me! I'm glad I vented here as you have literally made me laugh out loud 
