Some interesting thoughts expressed about the idea of manners vs regulation and even the suggestions of servitude and so on.
Complex issues in some ways which depend on one's own perspective - specially for those of differing cultural backgrounds to the "standard" Australian (ie: white or Western in the main) culture. and generally accepted norms. I can appreciate some differing views specially from the past that contribute to this and how some people might react to some efforts to be polite (eg the door holding example)
It's funny yet not funny that I was trying to talk to a friend recently about the idea of equality and the idea of (as an individual person) treating people fairly and the same no matter gender, race, religion, FF status, footy team (well maybe not Collingwood
) etc etc. I was told as a male this wasn't right and that I had to "do more" for certain minorities and women. I'm not exactly sure what that means when it comes to holding a door or being polite to someone in a shop, cafe .. or lounge, but I digress.
I feel very hesitant to comment further about the problems these days that SOME notion of manners/courtesy can bring - as described earlier - but I was thinking when I read one of the posts that sometimes showing some courtesy can result in a lashback. I've had it once or twice myself and while it can be quite a surprising experience.. I think it probably reflects more on the other person than myself. Most of the time with things like opening doors, I usually hear someone behind me and just hold a door or lift/elevator or whatever open on instinct without seeing who it is (not that it would change my action of course).
I do agree that things like dress codes are nothing to do with manners/courtesy. While an extreme example, I am glad we do not have such things as "Morality Police" in Australia, and in most modern societies. What one wears has nothing to do with how one chooses to act. I remember one time, many decades ago, in the bad part of a certain big US city I would up in a bikie bar full of some very tough and imposing folks. Yep, I was intimidated for sure. Turns out they were a bloody great bunch. We had a great time (specially when the barkeep saw my aussie passport for ID and they were all tickled pink). What start out as a possibly quite worrying evening became a very memorable time. moral: you shouldn't judge a book by its cover - even if it has mangoes.
I would say that manners is about showing respect to others, being aware and thoughtful towards others. Now sure, one could argue that someone who does not want a door held for them - that we should be aware of this - but I can't read minds (thank goodness!). For me it's being polite, treating others the way I would want to be treated and to be considerate of others (so not yelling into my phone, for example).
Luckily this morning in Woolies I did get a thanks and smile from a young lady that I offered to go first as we arrived at a queue point roughly together. Part old fashioned "ladies go first" I suppose (and I can understand why some might have an issue with that) but I am usually a person to defer, so I would motion to go forward if it was a male or female. I am glad I didn't get scolded though for that though.