Luxury Escapes - The People You Don't Meet

[Renato1]

I was looking at the other thread on Luxury Escapes and it prompted me to raise something that's been bugging me about staying at Five Star Resorts. We've only done the Fairmont at Sanur Beach in Bali and the Regency Hyatt at Hua Hin in Thailand. Despite my wife really enjoying the extra attention one gets in such places, I've decided that I'm really not that enthused by those five star places any more - and it's nothing to do with the facilities or the staff.

My wife and I aren't extroverts, but we aren't stick-to-ourselves introverts either. In sharp contrast to our last two trips around Europe staying in hotels, where I often wound up meeting people and having good chats, when I instead stayed at those resorts I observed that other couples didn't really want to chat - or chat more than the bare minimum - and just seemed to want to stick to themselves. The only exception was the New Zealand couple we met on the mini-bus going the three hour trip from Bangkok to Hua Hin, with whom we became good friends, but no one else there wanted to know us there.

Which all struck me as quite puzzling, as I didn't want to stick with anybody for all day long - but a 20 minute chat at breakfast, or happy hour or by the pool wouldn't have hurt. I recollect one day at breakfast when it transpired that the couple on the adjoining table came from a few streets away from where we lived back home - we could have had conversations about anything - even Council Rates, if we truly had nothing much in common, but nope, they were in stick-to-themselves mode.

In another sharp contrast, I have several sets of friends who often go off on holiday to three and four star places in Thailand, where the drinks are cheaper, and where they seem to meet lots of people and enjoy their vacations tremendously.

So my questions really are - is it me/us?
Have our experiences been atypical?
Or are such five star places frequented by snooty types?

If I do go on another Luxury Escape, it will be to their cheapest places - in the hope that theymay be frequented by more regular-type people who talk.

Your thoughts please?

Do your experiences at such five star resorts match ours, or has it been the opposite?
Regards,
Renato

 

[juddles]

It is fraught with peril to make generalizations just on a few trips, but I suspect you are actually quite on the ball. I would probably agree that a 3 or 4 star experience is more likely to result in more banter with fellow travellers. Maybe it is because those on 5* things have a more defined purpose - such as a honey moon etc. that doesn't want third-party interaction? I don't know.

But what I can say from my own reality is that even the same people can be different, depending on circumstances. And it is not all about being "snooty". Sometimes you want to engage with others, sometimes not. Perhaps in the "5*" resorts the selecting people are simply focused on the attention from staff, and specifically do not feel like chit chat with others? It seems IMHO that if you are feeling this, you would avoid the less-ranked spots?

Each to their own, but I agree with what I think is behind your post - that those short interactions with fellow happy travellers can really be a great part of the experience.

I would chat to you

 

[Renato1]

It is fraught with peril to make generalizations just on a few trips, but I suspect you are actually quite on the ball. I would probably agree that a 3 or 4 star experience is more likely to result in more banter with fellow travellers. Maybe it is because those on 5* things have a more defined purpose - such as a honey moon etc. that doesn't want third-party interaction? I don't know.

But what I can say from my own reality is that even the same people can be different, depending on circumstances. And it is not all about being "snooty". Sometimes you want to engage with others, sometimes not. Perhaps in the "5*" resorts the selecting people are simply focused on the attention from staff, and specifically do not feel like chit chat with others? It seems IMHO that if you are feeling this, you would avoid the less-ranked spots?

Each to their own, but I agree with what I think is behind your post - that those short interactions with fellow happy travellers can really be a great part of the experience.

I would chat to you

Thanks - we'd have plenty to chat about.

It can't be honeymooners - unless they're all there on a second or third marriage. It's generally not a younger crowd that goes to those places, based on my possible over-generalisation from two such trips.

As for banter, it was only a few weeks ago that I was in Rimini, downstairs in the hotel watching YouTube on my phone (my wife was asleep upstairs) when I wound up surrounded by heavy drinking Ukranian and Georgian guys in their 30s, who insisted I drink with them. Wound up being one of the funnier nights I had over there, with them constantly expressing their amazement at the concept of kangaroos.
Cheers,
Renato

 

[luxury-lizard]

I'm a bit surprised your title included "Luxury Escapes' (LE) as I've found that if you get to talking to people at a high-end resort and find they are also on a LE package they tend to be more friendly / talkative - something about personalities who love a bargain (even an expensive one).

I've also found that depending on location (ie country) high-end resorts attract a more diverse clientele (e.g. honeymooners, babymooners, other nationalities (non-English speaking, etc) - this makes these guests less likely to engage in casual conversation often due to the language barrier - or even cultural barrier (more reserved).... however if there are American guests - well they have an amazing knack of talking to anyone about anything.

Mr LL and I travel a lot (3-4 major trips per year) but are somewhat reserved but also enjoy engaging with people we meet along the way - any tips from fellow travellers on how to 'break the ice' would be welcome.

Now cruise ships are a whole different 'story' - IMO people on cruise ships (who travel as a couple or solo and not with a group of friends) do so in part to meet other guests ..... there is already a lot of common ground.

 

[Mrmaxwell]

I am sure you can expand this to travel in general. Some fellow travellers are happy to chat while others will always be reserved. Many various reasons for this but no need to fuss over it.

I will always be friendly with a good morning or how are you and the rest just flows as the other party wishes. A pleasant reply and nothing more or a full conversation with plans to meet later on.

I met a great friend of mine while lining up for a flight to PEK in HKG. He was on the phone talking in mandarin in a heated discussion which made me notice his Australian passport in hand. When he ended the call and whispered asshole under his breath, made me laugh and the rest is history.

 

[tgh]

In city or large resort hotels my experience is that there is little or no "spontaneous social interaction."

I have also chewed the cud with some super interesting fellow travellers in accomodation from tents to 6* , the commonality being remoteness from civilisation

Exec summary : The further out in the boonies the more likely sci will occur.

 

[Pushka]

I think it’s a time issue. You might only be there for a couple of days and if on a busy work schedule you just want to relax and share time with the other half that you might not get when still working. Some of us have partners that are interstate every week and often tired when they return. A holiday is make up time for that and there isn’t the need to meet others. I think the style of accommodation is irrelevant.
People who go on cruises are more relaxed to start with and often mix and make great friends. That’s what happened with us with our four Canadian friends and whom we catch up with and they’ve even caught up with us in Australia.

 

[Renato1]

I'm a bit surprised your title included "Luxury Escapes' (LE) as I've found that if you get to talking to people at a high-end resort and find they are also on a LE package they tend to be more friendly / talkative - something about personalities who love a bargain (even an expensive one).

I've also found that depending on location (ie country) high-end resorts attract a more diverse clientele (e.g. honeymooners, babymooners, other nationalities (non-English speaking, etc) - this makes these guests less likely to engage in casual conversation often due to the language barrier - or even cultural barrier (more reserved).... however if there are American guests - well they have an amazing knack of talking to anyone about anything.

Mr LL and I travel a lot (3-4 major trips per year) but are somewhat reserved but also enjoy engaging with people we meet along the way - any tips from fellow travellers on how to 'break the ice' would be welcome.

Now cruise ships are a whole different 'story' - IMO people on cruise ships (who travel as a couple or solo and not with a group of friends) do so in part to meet other guests ..... there is already a lot of common ground.

Our experience was the opposite from yours regarding meeting other people on Luxury Escapes packages.

Yes, the New Zealanders we met in Thailand wound up being like minded.

But the ones at Fairmont Bali, where others on Luxury Escape packages could be more easily be found because of the Balinese Cooking classes that were part of the package, that wasn't the case.

What you say regarding language barrier is true, but I was more thinking of those who actually spoke English.
Regards,
Renato

 

[Renato1]

I think it’s a time issue. You might only be there for a couple of days and if on a busy work schedule you just want to relax and share time with the other half that you might not get when still working. Some of us have partners that are interstate every week and often tired when they return. A holiday is make up time for that and there isn’t the need to meet others. I think the style of accommodation is irrelevant.
People who go on cruises are more relaxed to start with and often mix and make great friends. That’s what happened with us with our four Canadian friends and whom we catch up with and they’ve even caught up with us in Australia.

I can understand what you mean regarding a couple of day vacation - but typically, Luxury Escapes isn't a couple of day thing.
Regards,
Renato

 

[Denali]

I can be friendly and say good morning/evening but dont expect much more out of me. Im in my 50s, I dont want to make friends with randoms while Im trying to wind down and relax. Especially if booze is involved.

 

[lovetravellingoz]

It is fraught with peril to make generalizations just on a few trips, but I suspect you are actually quite on the ball.

In my experience yes he is on on the ball.

At the risk of more generalizing the higher the star the less likely I am likely to have a true conversation at breakfast or at the hotel's bar. The higher the stars the more likely that guests want their space or privacy. If I am staying at English/Scottish/Irish Pub having a chat is virtually guaranteed.

There are always exceptions but in general I would also say that it is not just price, but also:

Size. The smaller the accommodation the more you will tend to be able to interact with others. ie at small true BnBs (not AirBnB) I will virtually always engage at breakfast with other travellers. Often on aspects of their and our trips and travel tips for where we are at etc, but often then drifting into other conversations. Sometimes this ramps up int meeting a drink or a meal.

Small places also mean that one often will truly engage with the staff and sometimes owners more as you keep meeting the same person. I thin this is also so with the guests.

Activities. If I am hiking or doing a bicycle tour etc ( We often do self-guided ones where it is just us two) we will chat with like minded souls who stay at wherever we are staying.

Tours (including just day trips or 2-hour walking tours)/cruises. I tend to avoid travelling as part of a tour group and cruise-ships, but when we do indulge we always end up talking with others on them. I thin on both that you have people who are looking to engage and this is a reason why they choose this style of travel.

 

[vetrade]

No two interactions with fellow travellers are the same simply because there's a multitude of variables which could affect any particular situation. For example, if people are just grabbing a quick breakfast before they head off on a tour it's likely they won't be in the right mindset to stop and chat but they might react completely differently if they are in "relaxation mode" later in the day. With that in mind, I don't think the difference between a 3, 4 or 5 star hotel would be one of the variables I would rate significantly.

Perhaps 5 star people are more choosey as to who they have interactions with but I think the personalities of the people involved and first impressions are much more relevant. The reality is that we are attracted to people who we subliminally think are just like us. These are the people we will be more likely to interact with because we sense that we will have more in common with such people - body language plays a role in that too. Personally, I am not an impulsive person and become "defensive" if I suspect other people are being too friendly or "clingy" before I have had a chance to form a feeling/opinion about them.

I would say that the enduring friendships we have formed while travelling have usually started off quite innocuously; maybe just an exchange of pleasantries at a chance meeting where first impressions come into play. Then a further chance meeting beside a pool or in a restaurant might lead to another conversation and learning a bit about eachother. E.g. we became great friends with an American couple after sharing concerns about our kamikaze bus driver in Mykonos and then meeting again by chance on a ferry 2 days later.

 

[drron]

Despite staying at more 5* hotels than lesser *s we have had no problems interacting with others,getting to know staff etc.The size of the hotel doesn't matter either.At the SGS,Bangkok we know a lot of the staff well and even if it sometimes is 9-12 months between stays are still recognised with hugs all round.

At the Sheraton Denauru we got to know staff well.even visited their homes.frequented their businesses when they went off on their own.And got to be firm friends with a busboy at their Port's O'Call restaurant.Spent the afternoons helping him learn English and watched him go through the ranks to eventually be a Maitre'D.Then he left and on our last trip found out he had bought a farm and supplied the hotel with veggies,then bought a bus.He heard we were back and came and looked us up.
Going back to Fiji at Christmas and believe he has set up a tourist business.One of the transfers is run by a fellow of the same name so we will use that service.

We find we often end up talking to people in the exec lounges of our hotels.In fact we are less likely to have conversations when staying at Hampton or holiday Inns even when staying in the boonies.But talk to everyone when staying at high end lodges in the sticks.

And on cruises have met a wonderful array of interesting people some of whom are now friends.

 

[Toula92122]

I don't think it's fair to assume that anyone is a snob until they open their mouths and their conversation indicates such. I'm an introvert and would not think of inflicting myself on others. However, if you were to initiate conversation I can guarantee I would be more than happy to have a natter with you.

 

[nickfromeastryde]

Might be sticking my neck out but you could make the same generalisation I think with air travel. The further forward you are, it seems the less conversational people become. (excludes any aircraft with a fully equipped bar where everyone becomes your best friend)

 

[Toula92122]

I don't think the class of travel dictates the level of conversation between passengers. I believe that the art of conversation is dying. Most people want to talk all about themselves, but don't really want to converse. I don't initiate interaction because quite frankly I don't have the energy to listen to someone bleat about themselves for hours on end. I can't believe what total strangers will tell people they don't know. I don't want to know about your sex life, nor do I want to know about your finances or hear what little Jonnie did last night. If your husband cheated on you keep it to yourself, it's not my business. I read somewhere that if you are talking with someone and you have asked them 3 questions and they have not bothered to enquire anything about yourself it's time to leave the situation and I've found this to be so true in social situations, as those type of people are not interested in engaging about anything other than self. On a plane that is not possible so I'd rather not start something.

 

[tgh]

I'd rather not start something

Indeed Toula.. why they might not even speak the Queens English.. how embarrassing………..

 

[Toula92122]

I'd rather not start something

Indeed Toula.. why they might not even speak the Queens English.. how embarrassing………..

Not sure what is intended by this comment so might you clue me in?

 

[Renato1]

In my experience yes he is on on the ball.

At the risk of more generalizing the higher the star the less likely I am likely to have a true conversation at breakfast or at the hotel's bar. The higher the stars the more likely that guests want their space or privacy. If I am staying at English/Scottish/Irish Pub having a chat is virtually guaranteed.

There are always exceptions but in general I would also say that it is not just price, but also:

Size. The smaller the accommodation the more you will tend to be able to interact with others. ie at small true BnBs (not AirBnB) I will virtually always engage at breakfast with other travellers. Often on aspects of their and our trips and travel tips for where we are at etc, but often then drifting into other conversations. Sometimes this ramps up int meeting a drink or a meal.

Small places also mean that one often will truly engage with the staff and sometimes owners more as you keep meeting the same person. I thin this is also so with the guests.

Activities. If I am hiking or doing a bicycle tour etc ( We often do self-guided ones where it is just us two) we will chat with like minded souls who stay at wherever we are staying.

Tours (including just day trips or 2-hour walking tours)/cruises. I tend to avoid travelling as part of a tour group and cruise-ships, but when we do indulge we always end up talking with others on them. I thin on both that you have people who are looking to engage and this is a reason why they choose this style of travel.

I think we're definitely on the same wavelength on this matter.
Cheers,
Renato

No two interactions with fellow travellers are the same simply because there's a multitude of variables which could affect any particular situation. For example, if people are just grabbing a quick breakfast before they head off on a tour it's likely they won't be in the right mindset to stop and chat but they might react completely differently if they are in "relaxation mode" later in the day. With that in mind, I don't think the difference between a 3, 4 or 5 star hotel would be one of the variables I would rate significantly.

Perhaps 5 star people are more choosey as to who they have interactions with but I think the personalities of the people involved and first impressions are much more relevant. The reality is that we are attracted to people who we subliminally think are just like us. These are the people we will be more likely to interact with because we sense that we will have more in common with such people - body language plays a role in that too. Personally, I am not an impulsive person and become "defensive" if I suspect other people are being too friendly or "clingy" before I have had a chance to form a feeling/opinion about them.

I would say that the enduring friendships we have formed while travelling have usually started off quite innocuously; maybe just an exchange of pleasantries at a chance meeting where first impressions come into play. Then a further chance meeting beside a pool or in a restaurant might lead to another conversation and learning a bit about eachother. E.g. we became great friends with an American couple after sharing concerns about our kamikaze bus driver in Mykonos and then meeting again by chance on a ferry 2 days later.

Or perhaps five star people have a greater propensity to want to stick to themselves?
I'm not really talking about enduring friendships, rather simple banter.
Cheers,
Renato

Despite staying at more 5* hotels than lesser *s we have had no problems interacting with others,getting to know staff etc.The size of the hotel doesn't matter either.At the SGS,Bangkok we know a lot of the staff well and even if it sometimes is 9-12 months between stays are still recognised with hugs all round.

At the Sheraton Denauru we got to know staff well.even visited their homes.frequented their businesses when they went off on their own.And got to be firm friends with a busboy at their Port's O'Call restaurant.Spent the afternoons helping him learn English and watched him go through the ranks to eventually be a Maitre'D.Then he left and on our last trip found out he had bought a farm and supplied the hotel with veggies,then bought a bus.He heard we were back and came and looked us up.
Going back to Fiji at Christmas and believe he has set up a tourist business.One of the transfers is run by a fellow of the same name so we will use that service.

We find we often end up talking to people in the exec lounges of our hotels.In fact we are less likely to have conversations when staying at Hampton or holiday Inns even when staying in the boonies.But talk to everyone when staying at high end lodges in the sticks.

And on cruises have met a wonderful array of interesting people some of whom are now friends.

Hi Dr. Ron,
I look at it as - is something not-quite-right when the people you get on very well with in five stars resorts are the staff?

Yes, talking to staff is very rewarding, and I have nothing but praise for them at the two resorts we went to.

But I can't help but feel that there is something-not-quite-right about the other patrons.
Regards,
Renato

 

[Renato1]

I don't think the class of travel dictates the level of conversation between passengers. I believe that the art of conversation is dying. Most people want to talk all about themselves, but don't really want to converse. I don't initiate interaction because quite frankly I don't have the energy to listen to someone bleat about themselves for hours on end. I can't believe what total strangers will tell people they don't know. I don't want to know about your sex life, nor do I want to know about your finances or hear what little Jonnie did last night. If your husband cheated on you keep it to yourself, it's not my business. I read somewhere that if you are talking with someone and you have asked them 3 questions and they have not bothered to enquire anything about yourself it's time to leave the situation and I've found this to be so true in social situations, as those type of people are not interested in engaging about anything other than self. On a plane that is not possible so I'd rather not start something.

While there are grandiose, narcissistic types around - who sound like the types you are talking about - I think they are still a relatively smallish minority.
Regards,
Renato