It seems fairly clear that the OP left the lounge before the flight was called. So that's really no-one's fault, just perhaps a misunderstanding of process.
Unless the upgrade was a points upgrade granted the day before, then the OP should have received a call from the F host, even if all the spa appointments were already booked. (It is probably logistically impossible for every F pax to be given a spa treatment in the timeframe available, but that's not the sole point of the phone call.)
I remain mystified by the "Mexican stand off" at the gate. What and why? The aerobridge for F pax in SYD is clearly marked. In my experience, as soon as the staff see that you're an F pax, they board you immediately. I'd like to know *exactly* what the OP said to the QF staffer at the gate that seems to have escalated the situation.
It's unclear when the OP actually boarded the aircraft. If at the end of the process, perhaps there was a rush to prepare the cabin and so the jacket was overlooked. As Princess Fiona asked, though - had the OP taken the jacket off? if so, where was it? (If the crew can't see it, they can't hang it.)
As to the lack of a bottle of anything as "compensation" - did the OP actually raise this with the CSM or another member of the crew? If so, how?
It seems we are missing some fairly crucial pieces of the puzzle.
