Safety while travelling alone

[Katie]

This is on my mind after an incident this morning. For the moment, I’ll leave location details out, as I’m still travelling and in that location.
FWIW, Mr Katie doesn’t know about this, as I want to speak to him personally, and I don’t need him worrying about me travelling alone.

I’m in the US at the moment; I’ve been to the US maybe 50 times over the past ~30 years. This morning, I had my most unnerving - actually scary - experience. I’m at a hotel, there’s a Starbucks within walking distance; I walked to Starbucks to get a coffee (yes, from Stabucks, though as it happened, it was my worst Starbucks ever). As I walked along the semi-major street near my hotel, a man was walking in the other direction. This was at 9am or later. He was talking to himself; I kept my eyes down and walked my way. He was clearly struggling with insecure housing and/or mental issues. I usually feel fairly secure, as I’m 6’ tall and *ahem* not about to be knocked over easily.

After I walked past, the man turned around to follow me. I was now at a big intersection, and pressed the walk signs for both ways I could walk, as the Starbucks is kitty corner from where I was standing.

The man started rambling about being attracted to things he could smell (GROSS, was he saying he could smell me??), but also something about smelling pigs, I’m starting to forget the details of what the flip he was rambling about. There was lots of Mother F*ers, some cough about protecting women, and then some more mother f*ers. He was certainly coming closer to me, and I wondered if any driver at the intersection would notice or so something if this man started being violent towards me. I’ve never before wondered about whether I would actually be assaulted in public (lucky for me, eh?).

Thankfully for me, a woman came up on her bicycles, said something something girlfriend and stood next to me. I felt seen and more protected than standing alone. After a bit - the lights were taking AGES to change - I asked her if it was safe to walk alone around here. She said there was a nice walking area nearby, and that it usually was.

What I’ve been pondering today is that I don’t really know what to do if someone tries to assault me. I’m a big person, so I don’t think someone will want to take me on. But I don’t think I give off b**ch vibes. (Awkward lol). And I have an 18yo young woman who we’ve instilled a love of travel into, and she would have been absolutely ruined by an experience like this.

So, travellers who at times feel vulnerable, what would you do in this kind of situation?
What are your coping techniques?

 

[p--and--t]

This is on my mind after an incident this morning. For the moment, I’ll leave location details out, as I’m still travelling and in that location.
FWIW, Mr Katie doesn’t know about this, as I want to speak to him personally, and I don’t need him worrying about me travelling alone.

I’m in the US at the moment; I’ve been to the US maybe 50 times over the past ~30 years. This morning, I had my most unnerving - actually scary - experience. I’m at a hotel, there’s a Starbucks within walking distance; I walked to Starbucks to get a coffee (yes, from Stabucks, though as it happened, it was my worst Starbucks ever). As I walked along the semi-major street near my hotel, a man was walking in the other direction. This was at 9am or later. He was talking to himself; I kept my eyes down and walked my way. He was clearly struggling with insecure housing and/or mental issues. I usually feel fairly secure, as I’m 6’ tall and *ahem* not about to be knocked over easily.

After I walked past, the man turned around to follow me. I was now at a big intersection, and pressed the walk signs for both ways I could walk, as the Starbucks is kitty corner from where I was standing.

The man started rambling about being attracted to things he could smell (GROSS, was he saying he could smell me??), but also something about smelling pigs, I’m starting to forget the details of what the flip he was rambling about. There was lots of Mother F*ers, some cough about protecting women, and then some more mother f*ers. He was certainly coming closer to me, and I wondered if any driver at the intersection would notice or so something if this man started being violent towards me. I’ve never before wondered about whether I would actually be assaulted in public (lucky for me, eh?).

Thankfully for me, a woman came up on her bicycles, said something something girlfriend and stood next to me. I felt seen and more protected than standing alone. After a bit - the lights were taking AGES to change - I asked her if it was safe to walk alone around here. She said there was a nice walking area nearby, and that it usually was.

What I’ve been pondering today is that I don’t really know what to do if someone tries to assault me. I’m a big person, so I don’t think someone will want to take me on. But I don’t think I give off b**ch vibes. (Awkward lol). And I have an 18yo young woman who we’ve instilled a love of travel into, and she would have been absolutely ruined by an experience like this.

So, travellers who at times feel vulnerable, what would you do in this kind of situation?
What are your coping techniques?

You don't have to be in the US and don't have to be overseas and you don't have to be a female presenting person to have intimidating encounters with someone who is suffering with mental or substance abuse issues. Mature age (old) male 190cm and over 100 kg have been un-nerved by such a person a couple of times walking down La Trobe St in Melbourne CBD. When they are yelling at the top of their voice and swearing aggressively and constantly (tourettes?), I think it would un-nerve the vast majority of the population.

I rationalise it somewhat by the fact they possibly don't even know you are there and are lost somewhere inside their mental fantasies.

Don't think there is anytjhing I can offer as a solution to this other than eyes down, don't provoke and move on / to the other side of the street at the earliest opportunity.

 

[Katie]

He seemed to be coming closer to me, despite my lack of interaction, until the other woman on the bike came up and somewhat positively interacted with him
“Fine, thanks!” That kind of thing.

Ignoring him, head down, was not working.

 

[p--and--t]

He seemed to be coming closer to me, despite my lack of interaction, until the other woman on the bike came up and somewhat positively interacted with him
“Fine, thanks!” That kind of thing.

Ignoring him, head down, was not working.

Try to rationalise it from the facts you presented - more than 50 trips over 30 years (and that's just the US (the land of random multi-death shootings of circa 30,000 in any one year).

Of all the things that could have happened to you travelling alone or accompanied (I don't think it makes much difference) in that time - you (we) have been lucky, and it may never happen again.

Edit: I've been followed in Saigon, attempted robbery in Rome, got taken on a taxi ride to somewhere I didn't want in Manilla, crowd crushed in Bangkok, hospitalised in Cuba from food poisoning, mugged in a park in Adelaide - not going to stop my next trip

 

[n7of9]

I'm sorry that happened to you, it can mess with your equilibrium and make you second-guess yourself. Be 'diligent and aware of your surroundings' they say, but your were aware, it sounds like you knew where he was and how close he was getting. Our only viable options are run, or be prepared to kick - but in the United States of Guns, yeah nah.

There seemed to be many women's self-defence classes in the 90's, are they still a thing?

Walking in Sydney after work one evening, I could see an unruly person on the path ahead... yelling, walking into traffic, laying on the footpath. There were LOTS of people around and I was hoping he wouldn't pick on me, but he did! He blocked my path, had his arms out wide and was ranting while coming at me. I totally panicked, but something took over and I stopped walking and reprimanded him "don't you talk like that to me, just stop it" - and he did immediately, put his head down and mumbled "sorry ma'am".

I don't know what I'll do next time, but at least I know I had the balls to do that once!

 

[moa999]

Glad that a friendly stranger helped you.

But after many visits to the US, you definitely notice the difference between mental health treatment from Aus to the US.

Personally think you did the right thing by not engaging. 99% of the time that's the right choice.

 

[DejaBrew]

Really sorry to read your story @Katie as nobody should be put in a position to feel concerned for their personal safety like that. So glad that someone took the time to come to your assistance.

As others have said, I'm not too sure there is much more you can really do other than be aware of your surroundings and take all the relevant precautions for travelling in a foreign country (or to be fair, even within your own country), all of which you have done. It sounds very much like you were just unfortunate to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.

For what it's worth, I think one of the best coping mechanisms is to acknowledge to yourself that you've been through a situation that made you feel vulnerable and unsafe, and to allow yourself to accept that it's ok to feel all of the conflicting emotions and feelings that go along with that. Don't second guess what you would/should/could have done in the moment and instead recognise that you got through it - however difficult it was at the time. It will make you stronger and more resilient than you already are, even if it doesn't feel that way right now.

Take care and I hope the rest of your trip is memorable for all of the right reasons.

 

[CaptJCool]

my kid and I were walking down a Rome street kinda in run downsville

I completely missed the guy walking past us brandishing a knife. My kid was NOT Amused

Aside that, these mental health episodes are becoming more prolific as the West “no longer believes in institutionalised care (other than prison)

It’s alarming and despite how vigilant one might be, increasingly becoming Par for the course (although apparently Queensland is about to punish adult crime?)

 

[9171]

Try to rationalise it from the facts you presented - more than 50 trips over 30 years (and that's just the US (the land of random multi-death shootings of circa 30,000 in any one year).

Of all the things that could have happened to you travelling alone or accompanied (I don't think it makes much difference) in that time - you (we) have been lucky, and it may never happen again.

Edit: I've been followed in Saigon, attempted robbery in Rome, got taken on a taxi ride to somewhere I didn't want in Manilla, crowd crushed in Bangkok, hospitalised in Cuba from food poisoning, mugged in a park in Adelaide - not going to stop my next trip

Hey there p & T, I did not understand this post. Are you saying there are 30,000 shooting deaths per year in the USA? WOW!!

 

[harryhv]

D'Oh .. why do you think when the tea-break comes, everyone else goes to Starbucks in their car even though it's just across the road? Why do you think mothers ALWAYS use the car to pick up their kids from school, even if they could easily cycle or walk?

Our office is in Houston and as the locals will explain, the only people walking on the sidewalk are tramps and burglars. Most nights there will be between 5 and 10 murders in a US city (google Houston murders last night, or your favourite city).

After 50 visits you've used up all your luck and it's not like the streets will be any safer next week, on the contrary... use the car, every single time. And if you really value your life, stay away.

 

[DC3]

Being aware of your surroundings at all times is a given.

 

[cove]

Well @Katie you have been lucky this time. Whether it is the US or Australia you do have to be aware.of your surroundings.i think I may have travelled to the US close to 100 times. We don’t stay in hotels on the ground floor ever and typically drive to supermarkets and shops.

 

[Sprucegoose]

@Katie sorry to hear of this. Anywhere anytime is my experience, you learn from this and will incorporate into your ‘friend or foe’ mitigation scanning of your surroundings. Next time you may avoid and not pass. Everytime is different and your gut sense will cut in and guide you.

You can educate yourself as best you can.

https://www.amazon.com.au/SAS-Security-Handbook-Ultimate-Yourself/dp/1910167304

Depending on needs there are private security experts you can engage. There are many in this field in the UK, and I dare say the US.

 

[p--and--t]

Hey there p & T, I did not understand this post. Are you saying there are 30,000 shooting deaths per year in the USA? WOW!!

What the data says about gun deaths in the U.S.

More Americans died of gun-related injuries in 2021 than in any other year on record, according to the latest available statistics from the CDC.

www.pewresearch.org

 

[justinbrett]

But after many visits to the US, you definitely notice the difference between mental health treatment from Aus to the US.

Living on the Gold Coast I can’t agree with you on that.

 

[Bundy Bear]

That would have been unnerving, I think you can cross paths with nutters everywhere and seems here you did the right thing and ignored them and some one came along.

 

[VPS]

Sorry to hear of your experience. I am always careful of my surroundings but that sounds so confrontational. Take care

 

[snabbu]

I find it much easier to ignore this type of person if I have headphones on. It's not a guarantee however if they see you have them on they'll hopefully leave you alone, as you have an excuse to not pay attention. YMMV ofc.

 

[Scarlett]

I had an experience walking down the street in Brisbane city, probably Queen St. A clearly agitated and aggressive middle aged guy, shortish, wiry, singlet and jeans was yelling nonsensical stuff as he marched the opposite way. Gave me a stare as we approached and almost passed (I was walking opposite direction to him). I fully expected to be hit in the back of the head as he went past me. Instead he kicked/punched or otherwise damaged a large square metal bin about 10 metres behind me. I only turned to see it after I was probably another 20m further along the footpath and could hear he kept going away.

My assessment at the time was not to engage with him in any way, even trying to totally ignore him as we passed, as I figured all the antics meant he wanted something to react to.

@Katie, another tactic I had considered (heard it somewhere) was using a completely off topic statement or question to disarm/confuse the person. In the example I heard it was asking an aggressive drunk why the fence the person was passing at the time was so tiny, being only two bricks tall. Saying something out of the blue to the drunk like ‘why would anyone build a fence like that; what’s it even keeping in or out’? Just something distracting to change the situation. I don’t know if it would even have been possible in your situation.

The city street I was walking down in Brisbane was too generic and I couldn’t find anything random to comment on to the crazed guy passing me, even if I’d wanted to.

 

[DC3]

I had an experience walking down the street in Brisbane city, probably Queen St. A clearly agitated and aggressive middle aged guy, shortish, wiry, singlet and jeans was yelling nonsensical stuff as he marched the opposite way. Gave me a stare as we approached and almost passed (I was walking opposite direction to him). I fully expected to be hit in the back of the head as he went past me. Instead he kicked/punched or otherwise damaged a large square metal bin about 10 metres behind me …

Part of everyday city life these days, unfortunately.