Scaredy Cat

[SamR]

My other half has a dreadful fear of flying. A Fearless Flyers course is not going to be enough to get him over the line in terms of travel. I need other ideas to sweeten the deal.

Righto. Here's the situation:

I love to travel. I travel a lot domestically for work. I've been a seasoned long haul flyer since the age of six. In recent years, I haven't travelled overseas as there's been a lot of other stuff going on in my life. Last November though, I was lucky enough to do a major international work trip (Sydney-London-Manchester-Cardiff-London-New York-Hollywood-Sydney) and it's reawoken the long haul travel bug in me. I'd forgotten how much I love travelling and now I have very itchy feet. I really need to go somewhere far away, for fun this time.

My partner, on the other hand. Hates flying. Has a claustrophobic fear of flying and has to dose himself up on happy pills for a SYD-MEL. It's not just the flying either - it's the stress that can be part of the whole experience (e.g. last time we flew QF SYD-MEL our flight was cancelled at boarding and there was a three hour delay until our rescheduled flight. Wasn't anything to me, but he just about imploded on the spot and barely spoke during the three hour wait.)

I'm trying to talk him in to going somewhere fabulous for Christmas. My pick is NYC, and we have many friends in the US we could visit (and some are also willing to meet us in New York). Unsurprisngly, he's refusing to consider it. I'm trying to come up with ways to convince him the experience will be fine and fun, including:

• Flying J at a minimum
• I'll also have QP access anyway
• Maybe not going as far as the US and trying a shorter trip that's less intimidating, like Fiji or something.

What else can I do to convince him to dip his toe in the waters on international travel? I want to make sure as much as possible that the experience doesn't turn him off all travel for the future - rather, I want to show him it's mostly ok so he might do it more. Any ideas? All appreciated.

 

[russ]

What about a short trip to NZ as a warm-up?
Or a cruise instead?

 

[SamR]

Aaaiieee! A cruise would be one of the seven levels of hell for both of us!

Yes, I am thinking shorter, warm-up trip, but I don't think I could interest him in NZ (which is why I was thinking Fiji-ish). Unless, of course, I could find some delightful little resort somewhere.

 

[docjames]

TBH, start with the fear of flying course. Contact QF who offer them regularly (or now on contract). Sure, he'll never love flying, but the course will make is tolerable (just not pleasurable).

 

[Sprucegoose]

Why is a course out of the question?

Tackle the 'real' issue of the phobia I would suggest.

 

[SamR]

Oh no, it's not out of the question. Quite the opposite in fact - I would consider it a given, and the first thing to do.

It's that he's a tough customer, and I know the course won't be a magic bullet. The course on its own would not be enough to get him to go long haul. It might calm him down for a SYD-MEL in future, but for longer trips, I need to get a bit creative in terms of convincing him it will all be ok. And will need to plan a trip very carefully to ensure he's not turned off future travel. I'm just wondering what I could do.

 

[Sprucegoose]

Oh no, it's not out of the question. Quite the opposite in fact - I would consider it a given, and the first thing to do.

It's that he's a tough customer, and I know the course won't be a magic bullet. The course on its own would not be enough to get him to go long haul. It might calm him down for a SYD-MEL in future, but for longer trips, I need to get a bit creative in terms of convincing him it will all be ok. And will need to plan a trip very carefully to ensure he's not turned off future travel. I'm just wondering what I could do.

Meet it head-on, show continuous re-runs of Airline Crash Investigations????

 

[SamR]

Well, we did watch Flying High a few months ago. I guess that could be the next step...

 

[eightblack]

It sounds as if you're going to need to get creative. And I agree, the fear of flying course wont help for long haul.

Sensible to book J. Men respond well to threats. Tell him that if he ever wants to see you naked again, then he better get his act together and come along on the trip

Ply him with alcohol in the lounge before you board...or give him 2 ambien after take-off.

 

[GT351]

Meet it head-on, show continuous re-runs of Airline Crash Investigations????

I dont watch this show for at least two weeks before any long haul flight and I obviously dont have a phobia of flying!

 

[SamR]

Tell him that if he ever wants to see you naked again, then he better get his act together and come along on the trip

HAHAHA! That could backfire spectacularly!:mrgreen:

 

[mhen]

Take it slowly. Have him do the course and soon after the both of you fly somewhere nice in Australia. Visit friends, special place or celebration, anything that he will enjoy (even if he doesn't enjoy the flying component). Gradually extend the length and complexity of trips.

If that doesn't work maybe he should see a professional. Not wanting to travel is one thing not being able to is another.

Good luck

 

[Boris spatsky]

I agree that the fear of flying course is worthwhile. But what is he scared of? Is it the claustrophobia or the actual risk of the plane crashing?

I would suggest a short haul flight with good business class to start to a foreign destination. The obvious choices are NZ (skybed on QF but have to pick the right flight), New Caledonia (only 2.5 hours from Sydney and a great holiday destination) or Fiji.

Go to the lounge, drink some champagne, relax, maybe take him to the oyster bar or one of the other great restaurants in the Sydney departure hall now (if you can't get F lounge access that is, which from your comments you are not WP??).

Then see how that goes - there are heaps of awesome boutique hotels and lodges in NZ (in fact some of the best in the world) so if money is not an object, it might be the way to go.

Good luck and let us know how it goes.

 

[Sprucegoose]

HAHAHA! That could backfire spectacularly!:mrgreen:

Yes be careful what you wish for.....as they say.

 

[straitman]

I could take him up and do some aerobatics.

After that any flying on a commercial airliner would seem really tame :!:

 

[TimB]

My partner, on the other hand. Hates flying. Has a claustrophobic fear of flying and has to dose himself up on happy pills for a SYD-MEL. It's not just the flying either - it's the stress that can be part of the whole experience (e.g. last time we flew QF SYD-MEL our flight was cancelled at boarding and there was a three hour delay until our rescheduled flight. Wasn't anything to me, but he just about imploded on the spot and barely spoke during the three hour wait.)

If claustrophobia is a significant part of the issue, then I'd say he should be better off on long-haul flights than SYD-MEL, simply because they usually use bigger planes for the longer-haul routes. Do you recall if the SYD-MEL flight was on a one-aisle (e.g. 737) or two-aisle (e.g. 767) plane?

The feeling of space on a 747 (downstairs) compared to a 737 is quite significant. So I suggest finding out whether the larger cabin will help, and if so, booking your trip accordingly. If you want to go to NYC, aim for J class on a 747 downstairs (e.g. QF107 if ex-SYD). It's not as comfortable as the lie-flat J seat on an A380, but all the J seats are upstairs on the A380, where it's not quite as spacious. Then from LAX-JFK, either take QF107 (A330) or an AA direct flight (767), which use twin-aisle aircraft, although not as large as the 747. Whatever you do, avoid stopovers, e.g. at DFW, which could put you onto aircraft such as MD-80s, which are even narrower than 737s. And let's not even talk about the CRJs...

If you want a trial run domestically, Qantas is starting 747 service SYD-PER from May.

 

[casanovawa]

sounds like a well known Chopper line is needed about Hardening up a bit... and making the effort for the other partner...

get him to do the course if that will help, ask doc for a variety of drugs to reduce nerves, induce calm, get rid of travel sickness... and then he just needs to man up a bit...

that or leave him behind and take a friend if he is going to be a msiery guts the whole time...

 

[SamR]

I agree that the fear of flying course is worthwhile. But what is he scared of? Is it the claustrophobia or the actual risk of the plane crashing?

Yes, I think it's all of that and more. I think it's also the stress of doing what you've got to do to get through an airport, the stress of being around other stressed people... etc... but mostly, I think it's not being in control - of either the aircraft or what's going on around him generally. So, when the whole experience from start to finish is difficult and overwhelming - not just the flying part - you can see the fear of flying course is only a fix for part of the problem.

Go to the lounge, drink some champagne, relax, maybe take him to the oyster bar or one of the other great restaurants in the Sydney departure hall now (if you can't get F lounge access that is, which from your comments you are not WP??).

Oh, I wish! No, I'm a ways off WP just yet. It would be paid QP access for us, along with whatever lounge entitlements a paid J fare gets us. I've only had one OS trip since the new departure hall opened, and I haven't had the chance to check out the restaurants. That sounds good.

I could take him up and do some aerobatics.

After that any flying on a commercial airliner would seem really tame :!:

! While in the UK last year, I visited a friend who is learning to fly and he took me up in his little Piper Warrior. I had loads of fun, but the other half could barely stand me to tell him about it!

If claustrophobia is a significant part of the issue, then I'd say he should be better off on long-haul flights than SYD-MEL, simply because they usually use bigger planes for the longer-haul routes. Do you recall if the SYD-MEL flight was on a one-aisle (e.g. 737) or two-aisle (e.g. 767) plane?

Hey, that's an interesting thought. (We've done a few SYD-MELs and SYD-BNEs and have experienced the joys of both 737s and 767s.) Thanks for all the advice, that's gold.

sounds like a well known Chopper line is needed about Hardening up a bit... and making the effort for the other partner...

get him to do the course if that will help, ask doc for a variety of drugs to reduce nerves, induce calm, get rid of travel sickness... and then he just needs to man up a bit...

that or leave him behind and take a friend if he is going to be a msiery guts the whole time...

Well, yes. He does need to harden up a bit, no argument there. Actually, one night at dinner recently I had a wine or two and said something to that effect. It wasn't the wisest approach. I think I'll get further with a gentler hand. We have a doctor friend who can help with the drugs. Leaving him behind is Plan Z. There's a big wide world out there that I intend to enjoy - without him if I must - but I'd much rather he came along for the ride.

 

[Sprucegoose]

This link contains explicit language, so please don't access if that will offend!

It does sum up some of the 'feelings' expressed here.....

YouTube - Chopper Air Safety

 

[mhen]

My suggestion for a flight in Australia was to remove the stress of immigration and customs both here and overseas.

Anything to minimise the stress of the occasion is good, so other responders comments on aircraft are important.