Scaredy Cat

[TimB]

Update, and some success!

...

I still think we should try a short overseas trip sooner, though. I think it would have practical applications for him, so it would be win/win for us both. Still working on that one.

That's great news.

If "short overseas" means AKL, I suggest booking J on LAN. While the return trip leaves at a truly dreadful time, it leaves less time for anxiety to develop. And the space in J on LAN is amazing.

 

[briggsy81]

Fantastic news, SamR!! It's amazing how some luxury in which to relax, and a patient other half, can help on the journey to overcoming something like a fear of flying.

My Dad is terrible when it comes to flying as well. I think he's been on 1 return flight in about 20 years, back when I was a young child, because of his fear of flying. For my cousin's wedding in SA in 2009, he told my mum he wanted the family to drive from Sydney to the Barossa Valley. Luckily I was flying from BNE, but in the end Mum put her foot down and went ahead and booked flights for both of them and my brother! I remember her telling me that they'd be driving "over [her] dead body"! I think if it had come to that, it was far more likely it would be my father's dead body as my mother probably would have gone spare...

I also really wanted to win that QF/F1 comp they ran a few months back but only if it had been in First Class (absolute *bare* minimum in J). That way I could have possibly taken my Dad for his first o/s trip since he was young. If I'd won and it was in Y or even Y+, I'd have had to take my mother I dare say!

 

[SamR]

...he told my mum he wanted the family to drive from Sydney to the Barossa Valley...

Uuuugh! We go through this with every interstate trip. "Let's drive!" "You fly, I'll drive!" I hope there will be less of it.

 

[briggsy81]

Uuuugh! We go through this with every interstate trip. "Let's drive!" "You fly, I'll drive!" I hope there will be less of it.

Hehe, well things are looking up for you as it seems like you've had more of a breakthrough than my mum has. Although that said, they are unlikely to do a lot of international travel in the coming years so I think mum's given up! My late grandmother lived in Melbourne and Dad would always insist we drove down there "It's just so much easier with a car!" It was touch and go for a minute with the Adelaide trip when my Dad found out that my aunt and uncle were driving from Sydney (albeit with The Dress and a full carload of wedding paraphernalia) but she won out in the end.

 

[purplegez]

Why is a course out of the question?

Tackle the 'real' issue of the phobia I would suggest.

I wholeheartedly agree with this comment. I definitely recommend some intensive therapy with a clinical psychologist. Been there, done that!
Your husband will be able to get over it with trained help. Think of it as an investment for your future together, how will your relationship be if you are always wanting to travel and he won't!

 

[samiam]

Update, and some success!

On AFF the questions/situations are interesting, feedback from experienced members is great to read, but an update on the original post is GOLD!

And then, about 45 mins into the flight, he said it.

I was holding my breath because 'it' could have gone either way - either immediately, or with the slightest bit of turbulence 5 minutes later (from my own experience with the other half - mine I mean, not yours )...

... great outcome!

 

[futurism]

I am also with a partner who wont fly.

However, I think I am potentially worse off than the original poster

I have 800,000 QFF points.
I won an award at work that gives me $10k to spend on travel.

My girlfriend (of 9 years so lets call her de facto) has recently failed the qantas fear of flying course, she got off the graduation flight, shes the only person that did.
She has also had the drugs, psychiatrist appointments, hypnotherapy

So far as well as the failed frequent flyer course with qantas, I have paid for and got off at the last seconds, 5 business class flights Adelaide to Melbourne.

The course was a huge expense, being from Adelaide and running over concurrent weekends, she stayed the week in Melbourned and I rented a one way hire car to get her there (which costs more than a flight), and had to rent another one to get her back, which took some time, so all up 2 weeks hotel accommodation, plust the course cost, plus the hire car costs, its many thousands!

I am at a loss of what to do, it really does threaten our 9 year relationship.

I have flown to work every week for over 7 of those years!

 

[purplegez]

I am also with a partner who wont fly.

However, I think I am potentially worse off than the original poster

I have 800,000 QFF points.
I won an award at work that gives me $10k to spend on travel.

My girlfriend (of 9 years so lets call her de facto) has recently failed the qantas fear of flying course, she got off the graduation flight, shes the only person that did.
She has also had the drugs, psychiatrist appointments, hypnotherapy

So far as well as the failed frequent flyer course with qantas, I have paid for and got off at the last seconds, 5 business class flights Adelaide to Melbourne.

The course was a huge expense, being from Adelaide and running over concurrent weekends, she stayed the week in Melbourned and I rented a one way hire car to get her there (which costs more than a flight), and had to rent another one to get her back, which took some time, so all up 2 weeks hotel accommodation, plust the course cost, plus the hire car costs, its many thousands!

I am at a loss of what to do, it really does threaten our 9 year relationship.

I have flown to work every week for over 7 of those years!

Firstly, a big pat on the back to you for being such an amazingly supportive partner. You deserve a medal.

However, I wonder if your unending support is actually NOT helping the situation?? The reason I say this is I because suffer from both claustrophobia and agoraphobia and have had to manage these conditions since teenage years, I am now in my 50's. If I don't manage these phobias then I am unable to work, put a roof over my head, food on the table etc plus I have a VERY poor quality of life. The NEED to conquer my phobias has been the biggest driving factor in achieving control of them. I have had a very successful career, travelling the world and LOVE my life, I feel there is nothing I cannot do if I want to do it. The phobias never go away but I have learnt to manage them because I have had to.
PS: taking up rock climbing has been a big boost to my mental 'strength'.

Anyway I wish you and your partner all the best.

 

[SamR]

Hello All! There's been a breakthrough, so I thought I'd update you. We have (definitely) agreed to a trip to Fiji next year and a trip to the US (probably) in 2014.

Since my last update, there have been a handful of SYD-MEL and SYD-BNE flights, all in J. J has been the key. He copes quite well with the actual flying part now, as long as it's J. The worst part now for him seems to be the anticipation of going to the airport and getting on the plane. Which I can continue to make more bearable.

He has finally seen the wisdom in doing a shorter, more relaxing trip before tackling the US to visit friends, so I'm now planning a trip to Likuliku resort. Hopefully to coincide with his birthday next year. It's all going to be as cruisy and stress free as I can make it. He's given me the go ahead to book and is asking questions about getting a passport, so I think it's actually happening this time.

I will no doubt have some questions about the planning of the trip soon. Just thought I'd give you all the latest installment in the story.

 

[robd]

J - Brilliant excuse

But seriously, that's great news.

 

[Alanslegal]

He has finally seen the wisdom in doing a shorter, more relaxing trip before tackling the US to visit friends, so I'm now planning a trip to Likuliku resort. Hopefully to coincide with his birthday next year. It's all going to be as cruisy and stress free as I can make it. He's given me the go ahead to book and is asking questions about getting a passport, so I think it's actually happening this time.

Hope he is not reading this .... if he is, turn him away for a few seconds ...... ready? make sure he's not looking? OK? Well the flights can get pretty bumping heading to Fiji and back ... those afternoon storm clouds scare me!

 

[docjames]

Hope he is not reading this .... if he is, turn him away for a few seconds ...... ready? make sure he's not looking? OK? Well the flights can get pretty bumping heading to Fiji and back ... those afternoon storm clouds scare me!

We had a bump free flight.

YMMV.

 

[ozbeachbabe]

A couple of days beforehand run through your itinerary and ensure you have all your airline eticket printouts, hotel confirmations, copy of your ESTA plus full itinerary with addresses of hotels etc in a folder in your carry on.

Run through what to expect and what's going to happen when you get to the airport as they'll feel more in control when it all pans out how you've said. Ask if he has any questions but it sounds like he will going by a previous post of yours.

If it's not just the flight that causes grief but other activities associated with travel like checkin, customs etc why not address some of these scenarios:

1. Getting to the airport - taxis can sometimes be unreliable & not turn up as booked created stress for the passenger by worrying if they're going to miss their flight so why not book a private hire car instead which will be a bit more relaxing.

2. Travel with hand luggage only (HLO) - standing around crowded baggage carousels could be claustrophobic for people or worrying that their bags will go missing then if they do, stressing out about when they'll be reunited with their luggage. If you have HLO you can breeze through customs and immigration then get to your hotel quicker. Make sure your carry on bag doesn't weigh more than 7 kilos as it will be weighed by security before you go through customs.

There is also peace of mind for you knowing that if your other half could not get on the flight & you both had to be offloaded, it would cause minimal disruption to the airline as they wouldn't have to search for your checked in luggage which would have to be taken off the flight also.

3. Avoid connecting flights at destination - If going to the USA & arriving in LAX, one of the most stressful things can be trying to get through customs in order to make your connecting flight so I would have a couple of nights in LAX maybe at Santa Monica or Marina del Rey before going on to NYC.

4. Online checkin (OLCI) - By checking in online at home and printing out your boarding passes you can arrive at the airport and proceed directly through customs and immigration thereby bypassing the checkin counters. If you are going to the USA don't forget to get the ESTA visas and complete all the info required by the airline with your passport details, address in the US etc beforehand.

Make sure you see the staff at the lounge reception so they can sight your passport and/or visas so you don't get a 'beep' at the boarding gate.

Whenever a pax does OLCI for a QF international flight a comment will automatically appear in their checkin record that says "check passports and visas". This comment needs to be removed by airport staff once they have sighted the passports. This is to avoid pax boarding a flight without the necessary documentation for their destination which would result in the airline copping a large fine when pax are denied entry to that country.

5. Customs & Immigration - Some helpful folk on AFF may even have a couple of spare Express cards to get you through immigration quicker. If travelling in J you would normally get these at the checkin counters. Even if you can't do OLCI, if travelling in J the dedicated checkin queues for Business Class are shorter than for economy so there should be no reason to stress.

6. Lounge access - Even if you don't have QF Club membership, if you are travelling in Business Class you are able to access the Business Class lounge at the airport. This is a good time to relax and chill out away from the masses.

7. Foreign currency - Always have some US cash on you for incidentals and plenty of single dollar bills for tips & arrange this with your bank or currency exchange bureau so you don't have to worry about doing this at the airport.

8. Arrival transportation - If going to the USA you can pre-book the the Super Shuttle from Australia by calling 0011 1 800 BLUE VAN and pre-pay the fare, taxes & driver tips on credit card. It's a good idea to take a printed copy of the confirmation email with you as proof of payment.

 

[SamR]

Thanks for taking the time to write all that out, Oz! The US isn't for a while yet, there's Fiji first. Although I'm quite an experienced flyer myself and have been to the US many times (it's the bloke who is the nervous novice), it will be handy to have that list to refer to.

I've already been doing some of those things for him for our domestic trips. I never use taxis anymore for exactly the reasons you say and always arrange for a car. (And have developed quite a taste for them myself!) It really does help him. I've also planned on overnighting in Nadi at the Hilton (hello Frederic!) rather than trying to connect with a transfer to Likuliku on the same day. Avoiding connecting flights is good practice anyway. We love our lounge time and we always OLCI. I'm also making sure that all our ground transportation is taken care of in advance in Fiji, and will for the US as well. On my last trip to the US, I used a mix of pre-paid shuttles and pre-paid hire cars. I will never use one of those shared shuttles ever again. Town cars FTW, pre-paid. Makes a huge difference.

Alanslegal - LA LA LA I CAN'T HEAR YOU. I CAN ONLY HEAR DOCJAMES.

 

[SamR]

Hey folks. I've been lurking but not posting.

Anyway, quick update to this thread that dates back to 2011. I've finally done it. We're going to the States in November.

He wriggled out of the trip he promised to Fiji last year. Later in the year, a friend of ours who lives in the US invited us to her 40th birthday party in Vegas in November this year. Six months ago he said he'd go, but I didn't put much store in that. I reminded him of that this week and brought the QF companion fare sale to his attention. That seems to have done the trick. We're booking flights tomorrow.

Now all I have to do is earn 190 status credits before the end of October so I can earn gold FF status on the US trip. Any ideas for a cheap status credit run before then?

 

[OzEire]

After SamR's post today appeared in the 'Whats New' tab it prompted me to read this thread from the start (way back in 2011)...

...this thread is why I love AFF.

Good luck SamR.

 

[SamR]

Thanks!

Tickets are booked and paid for now. And non-refundable. MUAHAHAHA, etc.:mrgreen: