Scaredy Cat

[casanovawa]

A wine sometimes does allow us to say things we wouldn't otherwise... some people might rise to the challenge, others i guess don't... and he really needs to lose the control freak thing, no one is in charge of their whole world these days and if you can't accept that your in for trouble... and a lot of those fears are irrational anyway, so hard to reduce them with rational walk through when a reasonably grown normal adult shouldn't be plagued by them... i think the valium or other drugs will be very useful...

but yes, only normal you would want to share with your partner... although partners don't always make the best travel partners... good luck with it...

 

[SamR]

Baby steps!

We're going to MEL in May. We've done plenty of SYD-MELs before, but always in Y. This time we're going J, and it will be his first ever J flight.

Hopefully he'll start thinking it's not all so bad in J world.

 

[Alanslegal]

Hopefully he'll start thinking it's not all so bad in J world.

I agree, and the scarier thing is if the other half enjoys the premium cabin and wants more of it!

 

[samiam]

I guess the triggers are different depending upon the individual.

Typically, the 'afflicted' has enough insight to know that their fear is irrational, but simply cannot overcome that fear without time, support and (sometimes) drugs.

We tried the 'desensitisation with medication' approach with my other half and, so far, so good.

Our 'shocker' trip (ie. where we decided there was a problem, Houston) was to Hamilton Island a few years ago - can you picture one of those cartoon cats with their hands and feet braced around the perimeter of the aircraft door, being pushed and pulled (to no avail) by everyone?

Not a good look when the plane is ready to depart.

Needless to say, after convincing the CSM he was safe to fly and wouldn't explode into little pieces onboard, followed by a fit of hyperventilation and histrionics (think wailing like a bereaved mother from a non-English speaking background) during take off, during the flight and landing (not to mention the return trip), we did not fly together again for about 4 years.

I think this was part embarrassment, and part not wanting to put an individual through the trauma of being tortured by their own anxiety (and in truth part because I have no patience for drama queens).

A trip to the GP for some Xanax fixed all that. I'm not usually a subscriber to the use of anxiolytic drugs 'willy-nilly' (nor am I a prayers and crystals kinda person) but thought it was worth a go if we ever wanted to enjoy the pleasure of being stuck in a metal tube for 10 hours together.

The first trip once the drugs were readily available was MEL-SYD in Y (with an overnight stay). Despite a 'trial' dose (washed down with some scotch, ahem, medicine) it didn't go so well - the screaming and wailing began on takeoff, crescendoing to a scene reminiscent of La Traviata- and I quickly looked for something strong enough to knock myself out - unfortunately a G & T isn't available intravenously, intrathecally or via epidural.

Not one to be defeated, we tried for Cairns (in Y) about 6 months later.

Titrating the dose of Xanax does take some skill we discovered - whilst the wailing had now ceased (just some hyperventilation and teeth gnashing), he slept for about 48 hours into our week away.

'Slept' is probably too soft a word - comatose with spontaneous respiration is probably a more apt description. But at least he was pink and breathing.

Upping the ante, the next trip was NZ return (J) - the dose of Xanax administered was just right, and there was only some minor somnolence - readily fixed with some rough shaking and a small slap or two.

This journey from the abyss of affective disorders culminated in a MEL-LHR trip in J (including a Turbo-Prop flight MAN-CDG), with minimal use of adjunct chemotherapy (they were packed 'just in case').

Since then, there have been several MEL-HBA and MEL-BNE flights without issue.

Some individuals can overcome their fear with time and patience - I really did not have faith that it would happen, but human nature, scheduled medication and a little J can prove us all wrong.

Good Luck with your other half and I hope things work out - as it truly is a joy until you discover that you actually did prefer to travel alone because now they always insist on the window seat so they can take photos of the sky and the ground and the engines.

 

[SamR]

Wow. What a story. Screaming and wailing, you say? Well, I certainly don't get that. He just plugs himself into his iPod and tries to make everything go away, while he grips white-knuckled onto the armrest.

...the dose of Xanax administered was just right, and there was only some minor somnolence - readily fixed with some rough shaking and a small slap or two.

It's funny... I get the impression that the physical therapy may have been administered with some relish...?:mrgreen:

 

[samiam]

Wow. What a story. Screaming and wailing, you say? Well, I certainly don't get that. He just plugs himself into his iPod and tries to make everything go away, while he grips white-knuckled onto the armrest.

Yes... An example of an irrationally overt reaction

It's funny... I get the impression that the physical therapy may have been administered with some relish...?:mrgreen:

What happens on holidays, stays on holidays

 

[reductionist]

I guess the triggers are different depending upon the individual.

I'd say this is correct.

For me the main fear was the feeling of falling out of the air which seems to be common shortly after leaving the ground whilst the aircraft is climbing to cruising altitude - caused by wind & air pressure variations I assume.

The first thing I tried was obtaining a QP membership. This helped a lot as waiting in lines & sitting in the regular uncomfortable lounges built a lot of anxiety for me (no priority check-in for QP members on domestic flights any more - boo).

I decided to further deal with this by scheduling 3 months of extremely frequent flights on the theory that repeated exposure would build confidence. Something like 25 individual flights over this period - I can't remember now, I'm very close to the end of it. My reward for completing this would be WP status and visit to the US. I will be WP by the end of the week!

On my last flight out of Miami I was actually able to look out the window for the entire take-off and climb to cruising altitude. It's a lovely city!

The length of flights has never been a contributing factor. Just the take-off & sometimes landing.

An unintended side-effect of all this is that I quite legitimately have some sort of anxiety issue with LAX. :/

 

[SamR]

Well done you, reductionist. The way you've tackled this yourself head-on is very impressive.

The first thing I tried was obtaining a QP membership. This helped a lot as waiting in lines & sitting in the regular uncomfortable lounges built a lot of anxiety for me (no priority check-in for QP members on domestic flights any more - boo).

This is partly the thinking behind me obtaining mine. Mostly it is for me because I fly a fair bit for work, but The Bloke would usually be flying with me and it would certainly make things more comfortable for him for those reasons you mention. Those stresses have a big impact, I think.

The length of flights has never been a contributing factor. Just the take-off & sometimes landing.

Interesting. My other half's sister is a much more fearful flyer than he is, but has never let it stop her travelling. She's tried to convince him of a similar thing, but using a slightly different tack - her theory is that you reach critical mass and get just as stressed on a short flight as a long one, so may as well take a long one and go somewhere nice. (He remains unconvinced.)

An unintended side-effect of all this is that I quite legitimately have some sort of anxiety issue with LAX. :/

After my last experience at LAX, I think I do too. Shocker! :shock:

 

[Justinf]

Simple answer is to leave him at home and go by yourself.
(or you could take me instead?)

 

[serfty]

SWMBO has a fear of flying; I never knew how bad such a fear could be until we flew to Denpasar for our honeymoon over 20 years ago.:-|

It's been a long process, but we recently completed the second of two ATWs over a 30 month period.

All but one long haul flight we managed to upgrade one way or another.

There's still a way to go; we spent last weekend in New Zealand and her fear of flying is seemingly being usurped by a fear of economy.¹:shock:

¹ Insensitive me decided it was not worth upgrading on short 3½ hour flights.

 

[samiam]

There's still a way to go; we spent last weekend in New Zealand and her fear of flying is seemingly being usurped by a fear of economy.¹:shock:

Another situation where some Xanax may come in handy

 

[TheFergus]

Get a new other half.

They have newer, better models available now.

 

[Vix]

My husband also had a morbid fear of flying. A course of hypnotherapy many years ago did the trick and now he flys all the time, big planes, little planes...as long as it flys, he's there. He only did a few sessions and it really did the trick. Good Luck!

 

[ramboflyer]

My other half has a dreadful fear of flying. A Fearless Flyers course is not going to be enough to get him over the line in terms of travel. I need other ideas to sweeten the deal.


The anxieties that he has, are of course all in the mind. Back in the late 90's after our kids flew the coop I started to fly again after a long break. I suddenly found myself very claustrophobic to the point I seriously wanted to get off the plane once those bloody doors closed!. Fortunately my brother in law calmed me down and I stuck my head in a paper and focused on nothing else. Over time I have got over that and have only tiny little bouts now.

We fly with friends a lot and one of the wives also had a terrible flying fear (not claustrophobia) but was so keen to go on holiday she slowly but surely got over it (I suspect she still slips a serapax in her purse). Anyway the message here is that over time you can beat your fear.

Depending on how far you want to go with it you might consider trying a relaxation technique. There is a site called CALM and this is an extract from it:

Are you looking to overcoming your fear of public speaking, fear of flying, fear of heights, fear of driving or fear of failure? Learn how to overcome your fears by understanding the process of fears forming in your mind and techniques to beat your fear.

It's not hocus pocus stuff - just logical ways of re-programming your sub-conscious mind to overcome fear and anxieties.

Good Luck

 

[maureen2304]

Download the Virgin Atlantic Without Fear app for the Iphone. I have found this a great help - and supposedly so have many others such as Whoopi Goldberg.

 

[AussieMike]

Hi,

I am a pilot with a fear of heights, won't go near the glass in a tall building, drive on the inside lanes of high bridges, but absolutely love flying.

I would recommend that anyone with a fear of flying approach the problem with the attitude of going on a roller coaster, ie. you know it's scary, but exciting, and safe... relatively... AAAND take a few flying lessons.

You only need enough for your brain to realize that as a pilot you are in control and that all precautions are taken, and then your fear is replaced with enjoying the excitement.

Don't get too hooked, because it's expensive.

Good Luck.

 

[drron]

Get a new other half.

They have newer, better models available now.

But mrsdrron says that changing models would be very expensive.:shock:

 

[SamR]

But mrsdrron says that changing models would be very expensive.:shock:

She ain't kidding. I've already changed models once.

 

[Sprucegoose]

But mrsdrron says that changing models would be very expensive.:shock:

Yes.....Mrsdrron might well be onto something there.........

 

[SamR]

Update, and some success!

We flew to MEL last Friday for our little weekend sojourn. We'd made it as comfortable and stress-free as possible - town car to collect us, J tickets, car again at the other end (thanks again for the recommendation nlagalle, I'm loving the new Mercedes!).

The usual anxiety symptoms began to show in the morning as we readied ourselves to leave. Journey to airport was ok, check-in at the kiosks fine, headed straight to the J Lounge. He enjoyed the peace and calm of the J Lounge, but was still growing more and more anxious the closer we got to boarding. We boarded, flight was packed, but our FA was lovely, which I'm sure helped matters. Coats were taken and hung, and I continued to calmly answer questions about the difference between J and Y. Food was served - warm crepes with winter fruits, with mascarpone quenelles created by the FA on service (very impressive!).

And then, about 45 mins into the flight, he said it.

"This is great. I'm feeling no anxiety at all. I don't feel like there's people on top of me, I don't feel like I want to stab people. We're halfway through and it feels like it's been about ten minutes. I can't go back."

This is major. Fine, I said. If this is what it takes, don't go back.

True to his word, for his flight back to SYD on Sunday, he paid a premium to change his restricted Y fare to J. He had to manage everything at the airport by himself as I've had to stay in MEL for work, but he was fine. He called me at the other end - he was giggling like an idiot because my cat had missed him and was perched on his shoulder giving him ear kissies, which was a good sign. He wouldn't have been so open to such a thing after a Y flight and would have still been very stressed.

We still haven't quite cracked it, but we're closer. I asked if he thought it might mean he could attempt an international flight now and he said no. However - Hobart for Christmas is now on the cards, and he's said that a US trip is on the cards in about two years time.

I still think we should try a short overseas trip sooner, though. I think it would have practical applications for him, so it would be win/win for us both. Still working on that one.