A bit of humour

[Major]

[TABLE="align: left"]
[TR]
[TD="align: left"]After being married for fifty years, a wife asked her husband to describe her.

He looked at her slowly then said, "You're A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K."

She asks: "What do they mean?"

He said, "Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful, Elegant, Foxy, Gorgeous, Hot.

She smiled happily and said: "Oh, that's so lovely. What about I, J, K?"

He said; "I'm Just Kidding!"

His left eye is still swollen, but the doctor has informed him that he is likely to see things much clearer in the future. [/TD]
[/TR]
[/TABLE]

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​

 

[Hvr]

.... What do you call a deer with no testicl_s, no eyes, and no legs? Still no .... idea..

(this can go forever)

Actually the longer it does on the less deer there will be. Could be an interesting game.

 

[TheEmu]

Actually the longer it does on the less deer there will be. Could be an interesting game.

The longer it goes on the hungrier I get.

 

[Jacques Vert]

And what do you call a man hanging on a wall: Art

What do you call a man with a shovel in his head: Doug

What do you call a man without a shovel in his head: Douglas

 

[anat0l]

I called the drugs information line the other day. An automated voice said, "For information on marijuan_, press the hash key."

 

[Hvr]

I called the drugs information line the other day. An automated voice said, "For information on marijuan_, press the hash key."

That had me snorting with laughter.

 

[Mal]

That had me snorting with laughter.

I got a high out of it.

 

[TheEmu]

I called the drugs information line the other day. An automated voice said, "For information on marijuan_, press the hash key."

That had me snorting with laughter.

I got a high out of it.

This thread has gone to pot!

 

[anat0l]

I got the joke from this web clip, from a game show called The Chaser (from the UK, probably the Western country with the most game shows involving skill).

[video=youtube;eYXh3S1Dhq8]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eYXh3S1Dhq8[/video]

 

[Major]

A farmer named Paddy had a car accident. He was hit by a truck owned by the Eversweet Company.
In court, the Eversweet Company's hot-shot solicitor was questioning Paddy.

'Didn't you say to the police at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine?' asked the solicitor..
Paddy responded: 'Well, I'll tell you what happened. I'd just loaded my fav'rit cow, Bessie, into da.... '

'I didn't ask for any details', the solicitor interrupted. 'Just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine!'?'

Paddy said, 'Well, I'd just got Bessie into da trailer and I was drivin' down da road...... '

The solicitor interrupted again and said,'Your Honour, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the police on the scene that he was fine. Now several weeks after the accident, he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question. '

By this time, the Judge was fairly interested in Paddy's answer and said to the solicitor: 'I'd like to hear what he has to say about his favourite cow, Bessie'.
Paddy thanked the Judge and proceeded.'Well as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my fav'rit cow, into de trailer and was drivin' her down de road when this huge Eversweet truck and trailer came tundering tru a stop sign and hit me trailer right in da side. I was trown into one ditch and Bessie was trown into da udder. By Jaysus I was hurt, very bad like, and didn't want to move. However, I could hear old Bessie moanin' and groanin'. I knew she was in terrible pain just by her groans.

Shortly after da accident, a policeman on a motorbike turned up. He could hear Bessie moanin' and groanin' too, so he went over to her. After he looked at her, and saw her condition, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes.

Den da policeman came across de road, gun still in hand, looked at me, and said, 'How are you feelin'?'

'Now wot da hell would you say?'

 

[TheEmu]

The Dreaded Phone Call From The Boss.

The boss phoned me today.
He said, "Is everything OK at the office?"
I said, "It’s all under control. It's been a very busy day. I haven't stopped to take a break all day."
"Can you do me a favour?" he asked.
I said "Of course, what is it?
"Pick up the pace a little. I'm in the group behind you."

 

[mrs.dr.ron]

 

[drron]

 

[GladstoneTim]

Just posted this to my Facebook account. Once my wife sees it, well, it's been nice knowing you all......

 

[Flashback]

Guess Cornwall has been struck off your UK trip now..

 

[drron]

Cornwall is on the list for another time.However I did find something that agrees with advice I am being given on here-

 

[drron]

Will I see this plane at heathrow?

 

[anat0l]

Guess Cornwall has been struck off your UK trip now..

Last time I went to Cornwall didn't seem that bad. Starting to get visions of Little Britain now....

Will I see this plane at heathrow?

Paging Tony Hancock....

 

[TheEmu]

Will I see this plane at heathrow?

I think that photo may correspond with this story?
BA plans to resume Baghdad flights | Mail Online

 

[paxman]

"Wanted a tall well built woman with good
reputation, who can cook frogs
legs, who appreciates a good fuc-
schia garden, classical music and tal-
king without getting too serious.

Interested? Then please only read
lines 1, 3 and 5; still interested?
Call me