A bit of humour

Bunnings is having a sale on Council Recliners.

I got curious as to this item, so went to find out what a
Council Recliner was......

Guess what? I have had one for years!


I have just figured out I have been using mine incorrectly.


Council.jpg
 
A Man received the following text from his neighbor:

I am so sorry Bob. I've been riddled with guilt and I have to confess. I have been tapping your wife, day and night when you're not around. In fact, more than you. I'm not getting any at home, but that's no excuse. I can no longer live with the guilt and I hope you will accept my sincerest apology with my promise that it won't happen again.

Bob, anguished and betrayed, went into his bedroom, grabbed his gun, and without a word, shot his wife and killed her.

A few moments later, a second text came in:

Damn autocorrect.

I meant "wifi," not "wife."
 
A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience.

She mounts the horse, unassisted, and the horse immediately springs into action.. as it gallops along at its steady and rhythmic pace, the blonde begins to slip from the saddle.

In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but despite her best efforts, slides down the horse's flanks.

The horse continues to gallop along, seemingly oblivious to its slipping rider. Finally, giving up her frail grip, the blonde attempts to leap away from the horse and throw herself to safety.

Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup.

She is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground time and time again.

As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness when to her great fortune, Frank, the Woolworth's trolley boy, sees her dilemma and unplugs the horse.
 
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Corby family have installed a new telephone system with automated selections - to speak to Mercedes press 1 - to speak to Schapelle press hash............
 
anat0l said:
How many electrical engineering students does it take to change a lightbulb?

-e[SUP]jπ[/SUP]
Click to expand...
Hey, I progressed beyond student nearly 30 years ago. But it was helping my year 12 student with some Maths C homework that this one came up. Certainly deeper than I ever went with Maths at school and much more akin to my uni maths content.
 
NM said:
But it was helping my year 12 student with some Maths C homework that this one came up. Certainly deeper than I ever went with Maths at school and much more akin to my uni maths content.
Click to expand...

Why do we keep saying this kind of stuff and yet hold the impression that they are dumber than we were at their age?
 
A married couple had been trying for years to have a family. They tried all the IVF treatments and even went to a witch doctor. Their time was taken up trying to find a solution to this dilemma without any luck. One day they were telling an old friend about their problem and he remembered a story about a strange doctor that had results with couples that where at their wits end to have a family.

They made the appointment to see the doctor and to their surprise he told the wife to swallow these 3 black marbles. They couldn't believe it however they were so desperate the wife swallowed the 3 black marbles. A month later to their absolute joy she was pregnant and after 9 months she gave birth to 3 beautiful boys.

They years rolled by and the couple totally forgot about the 3 black marbles. The boys were growing up and the family was very close and healthy.

One day the father was in the family room reading his Sunday paper as he had done for many years. All of a sudden one of the boys came running in distraught and very upset.

"Daddy daddy, I just did a wee and I passed a black marble."

"You past a black marble!" the father pausing for a second, "don't worry son it's perfectly natural and it won't happen again."

The father remembered years before about the 3 black marbles. The doctor didn't mention about the children passing any black marbles.

A couple of hours passed and another boy comes running in distraught and upset.

"Daddy daddy, I just did a wee and I passed a black marble."
Confidently the father said, "Don't worry son, perfectly natural, won't happen again."

A few more hours went by and the third boy comes running into the room.

"Daddy daddy, I just had a wank and I shot the cat between the eyes!!"
 

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