A bit of humour

[mrs.dr.ron]

 

[drron]

10 BEST CADDY REMARKS
#10 Golfer: “Think I’m going to drown myself in the lake.”
Caddy: “Think you can keep your head down that long?”
#9 Golfer: “I’d move heaven and earth to break 100 on this
course.”
Caddy: “Try heaven, you’ve already moved most of the
earth.”
#8 Golfer: “Do you think my game is improving?”
Caddy: “Yes , you miss the ball much closer now.”
#7 Golfer: “Do you think I can get there with a 5 iron?”
Caddy: “Eventually.”
#6 Golfer: “You’ve got to be the worst caddy in the world.”
Caddy: “I don’t think so . That would be too much of a
coincidence.”
#5 Golfer: “Please stop checking your
watch all the time. It’s too much of
a distraction”
Caddy: “It’s not a watch - it’s a
compass.”
#4 Golfer: “How do you like my
game?”
Caddy: “Very good , but personally,
I prefer golf.”
#3 Golfer: “Do you think it’s a sin to play on Sunday?
Caddy: “The way you play, it’s a sin on any day.”
#2 Golfer: “This is the worst course I’ve ever played on.”
Caddy: “This isn’t the golf course. We left that an hour ago.”
#1 Best Caddy Comment:
Golfer: “That can’t be my ball, it’s too old.”
Caddy: “It’s been a long time since we teed off, sir..”

 

[drron]

Another political joke(in more ways than one) from the guy at Kawana hardware-
Clivey had a little Lamby,
He told it what to say.
But everywhere that Clivey went
the Lamby refused to play.

 

[Major]

Woman: Do you drink beer?
Man: Yes

Woman: How many beers a day?
Man: Usually about 3

Woman: How much do you pay per beer?
Man:$5.00 which includes a tip

Woman:And how long have you been drinking?
Man:About 20 years, I suppose

Woman:So a beer costs $5 and you have 3 beers a day which puts your spending each month at $450. In one year, it would be approximately $5400 correct?
Man:Correct

Woman: If in 1 year you spend $5400, not accounting for inflation, the past
20 years puts your spending at $108,000, correct?
Man: Correct

Woman:
Do you know that if you didn't drink so much beer, that money could have been put in a step-up interest savings account and after accounting for compound interest for the past 20 years, you could have now bought a Mercedes?

Man: Do you drink beer?

Woman: No

Man:
Where's your Mercedes then?

 

[whatmeworry]

[h=1]Olympic Airlines[/h]
[video=youtube;BhtCR6AAwes]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BhtCR6AAwes[/video]

 

[mrs.dr.ron]

Woman Hears Husband Crying And Gets Huge Surprise -

[TD="align: center"]
She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of hot cocoa in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes away a tear from his eye. "What's the matter, dear?" she whispers as she steps into the room.... "Why are you down here at this time of night!?" The husband looks up from his drink, "It's the 20th Anniversary of the day we met." She can't believe he has remembered and starts to tear up. The husband continues, "Do you remember 20 years ago when we started dating? I was 18 and you were only 15," he said solemnly. Once again, the wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring and sensitive. "Yes, I do" she replies. The husband pauses....... The words were not coming easily. "Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car?" "Yes, I remember" said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him. The husband continued. "Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, 'Either you marry my daughter or I will make sure you spend the next 20 years in prison?'" "I remember that, too" she replied softly... He sighed as he wiped another tear away from his cheek and said, "I would have gotten out today."

[/TD]

 

[Cruiser Elite]

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

 

[Major]

A man went into a Birmingham supermarket and tried to buy half a cauliflower.The young greens produce assistant told him that they sold only whole cauliflowers.The man persisted, and asked to see the manager, and the boy went to find him.

Walking into the stock room, the boy said to his manager, "Some w****r out there wants to buy half a cauliflower." As he finished his sentence, he turned to find the customer standing right behind him, so he added, "And this gentleman has kindly offered to buy the other half."

The manager approved the deal, and the man went on his way.Later the manager said to the boy, "I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of that situation earlier. We like people here who think on their feet.

Where are you from, son?" "Cardiff, sir," the boy replied. "Why did you leave Cardiff ?" the manager asked. The boy said, "Sir, there's nothing there but prostitutes and rugby players." "Really?" said the manager. "My wife is from Cardiff ."
"You're kidding?" replied the boy. "What position did she play?"

 

[kelvedon]

A Polish Battle of Britain air ace was being interviewed on American TV about a dogfight over France.

..."and then out of the sun came two German fighter" he regaled in his heavy accent, I turned sharply and from the back I shot the second Fokker down"

immediately the interviewer lent forward and interupted "for the benefit of the American audience a Fokker is a German airplane"

"so i then turned sharply again and lined up ze other aircraft, bang, bang, bang, and down went the other Fokker"

immediately the interviewer lent forward again and hurriedly explained "for the benefit of the American audience a Fokker is a German airplane"

"and zen out of ze sun came another aircraft" continued the air ace, "and for the benefit of the American audience zis one was a Messerschmitt !"

 

[NFF]

Coarse language.
http://youtu.be/c3IaKVmkXuk

 

[Major]

Jim decided to tie the knot with his long time girlfriend.
One evening, after the honeymoon, he was cleaning his golf shoes.
His wife was standing there watching him.
After a long period of silence she finally speaks.
"Honey, I've been thinking, now that we
are married I think it's time you quit golfing.
Maybe you should sell your golf clubs."

Jim gets this horrified look on his face.

She says, "Darling, what's wrong ?"

”There for a minute you were sounding like my ex-wife.”

"Ex wife !" she screams,
"I didn't know you were married before !"

"I wasn't !"

 

[whatmeworry]

Great gift idea for xmas...

 

[QF WP]

On Nudgee South (Golf) Course today:

 

[whatmeworry]

Best parent tactic ever.

 

[TheEmu]

On Nudgee South (Golf) Course today:

View attachment 38900

Is the sign to warn golfers or the local birdlife?
Does Ding Duck live in the area?

 

[Hvr]

Bill and Al are cannibals who about to eat a guy.

Bill says, "I'll start at the head; you start at the toes."

In a few minutes, Bill asks, "Al, how are you doing?"

Al responds, "I'm having a ball."

"Hey, you're eating too fast!"

 

[Hvr]

A newly married man asked his wife, 'Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?'

'Honey,' the woman replied sweetly, 'I'd have married you, NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE!'

 

[QF WP]

Is the sign to warn golfers or the local birdlife?
Does Ding Duck live in the area?

No, unfortunately it has a real meaning. At this point, to get to the next hole, one must cross two active fairways - the first (on the right of the sign) is the tee box for a hole. Some people just have been crossing without looking right

 

[RAM]

No, unfortunately it has a real meaning. At this point, to get to the next hole, one must cross two active fairways - the first (on the right of the sign) is the tee box for a hole. Some people just have been crossing without looking right

So that's why they shout seven!

 

[anat0l]

As always, science is never absolute. Take this one with an extra grain of salt...

[video=youtube;lc3LUCu8-IU]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lc3LUCu8-IU[/video]