A bit of humour

[RooFlyer]

OK WORLD TRAVELERS – HERE’S YOU CHANCE TO SHINE!

coughper Mapper : The Toilets of the World Quiz

I scored 7 out of 10

Same for me. I think I've been in a couple of those .

 

[whatmeworry]

reddit meme

 

[QF WP]

Holy coughper, I got 9 and I hardly get out of Australia these days.

Some very interesting thrones there

I wasn't as goodie the following quiz - 68%, but I took some liberties with the answers

 

[cove]

I got 6 out of 10 and thought I should get out more. But no I will stick with reading my poo calendar instead.

 

[Deleted member]

I'm not sure if this one has been heard before.

FRANK FELDMAN
A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just going by.
He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, 'Perfect timing.
You're just like Frank.'

Passenger: 'Who?'

Cabbie: 'Frank Feldman.. He's a guy who did everything right all the time.
Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happened like that to
Frank Feldman every single time.'

Passenger: 'There are always a few clouds over everybody.'

Cabbie: 'Not Frank Feldman. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand-Slam at tennis.
He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you
should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy.'

Passenger: 'Sounds like he was something really special.'

Cabbie: 'There's more. He had a memory like a computer.
He remembered everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine,
Which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me.
I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Frank Feldman, could do everything right.'

Passenger: 'Wow, some guy then.'

Cabbie: 'He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams.
Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Frank, he never made a mistake,
and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good.
He would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong;
and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too. He was the perfect man!
He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Frank Feldman.'

Passenger: 'An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?'

Cabbie: 'Well... I never actually met Frank. He died and I married his wife.'

 

[Deleted member]

you will need audio for this:

http://youtu.be/JMJhOSdxQVg

 

[Limewood]

well THIS funny made my day

but THIS brought tears to my eyes...

 

[Major]

A tough old sheep farmer from Scotland gave some advice to his granddaughter.

He told her that the secret to a long life was to sprinkle a pinch of Gunpowder onto her porridge every morning.

The granddaughter followed this dictum religiously until her death at the venerable age of 103.
She left behind 14 children, 30 grandchildren, 45 great grandchildren, 25 great great grandchildren

and a forty foot hole where the crematorium used to be.

 

[whatmeworry]

Meanwhile in QLD...

 

[codash1099]

Oldie but goodie:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xJSey8HRUhU

 

[Major]

Paddy and Murphy are working on a building site.
Paddy says to Murphy "I'm gonna have the day off,
I'm gonna pretend I'm mad!"
He climbs up the rafters, hangs upside down and shouts

"I'M A LIGHTBULB! I'M A LIGHTBULB!"

Murphy watches in amazement!

The Foreman shouts "Paddy you're mad, go home"

So he leaves the site.

Murphy starts packing his kit up to leave as well.

"Where the hell are you going?" asks the Foreman.

"I can't work in the friggin' dark!" says Murphy.

 

[rogerkambah]

Cat trying to avoid exercise. (Need to see the end).

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5sy1MDHZ27M

 

[strawbs68]

A man walks into a pharmac_ and asks for a pack of condoms. As soon as he
has paid for them, he starts laughing and walks out.
The next day, the same performance, with the man walking out laughing fit to
bust. The chemist thinks this odd and asks his assistant, that if the man
returns, to follow him.
Sure enough, he comes into the store the next day, repeating his actions once
more. The assistant duly follows. Half an hour later, he returns.
"So did you follow him?"
"I did."
"And...where did he go?" "Over to your house..."

 

[TomVexille]

A man walks into a pharmac_ and asks for a pack of condoms. As soon as he
has paid for them, he starts laughing and walks out.
The next day, the same performance, with the man walking out laughing fit to
bust. The chemist thinks this odd and asks his assistant, that if the man
returns, to follow him.
Sure enough, he comes into the store the next day, repeating his actions once
more. The assistant duly follows. Half an hour later, he returns.
"So did you follow him?"
"I did."
"And...where did he go?" "Over to your house..."

I see you've started with a bang

 

[strawbs68]

Marriage is like a deck of cards....................

In the beginning all you need is two hearts and a diamond. By the end..............

You’ll wish you had a flipping' club and a spade.....

 

[strawbs68]

Subject: Fwd: Prescription Drugs & Side Effects




Prescription Drugs & Side Effects
It?s breakfast time, and a woman asks her husband, > "Would you like some bacon and eggs, a slice of toast, > and maybe some grapefruit juice and coffee?"
He declines.
?Thanks for asking, but, I'm not hungry right now.
"It's this cough," he says. "It's really taken the edge off my appetite."
At lunchtime, she asks him if he'd like something.
"How about a bowl of soup, homemade muffins, or a cheese sandwich?"
He declines.
"The cough," he says, "really trashes my desire for food."
Come dinner time, she asks if he wants anything to eat.
"Would you like a juicy rib eye steak and some scrumptious apple pie?
Or maybe a rotisserie chicken or tasty stir fry?"
He declines again. "No," he says, "it's got to be the cough. I'm still > not hungry."
"Well," she says, "Would you mind letting me get out of bed? I'm starving."

 

[rogerkambah]

A golfer is in a competitive match with a friend, who is ahead by a couple of strokes.

"Boy, I'd give anything to sink this putt," the golfer mumbles to himself.

Just then, a stranger walks up beside him and whispers, "Would you be willing to give up oNE-fourth of your sex life?"

Thinking the man is crazy and his answer will be meaningless, the golfer also feel sthat maybe this is a good omen so he says, "Sure," and sinks the putt.

Two holes later, he mumbles to himself again, "Gee, I sure would like to get an eagle on this one."

The same stranger is at his side again and whispers, "Would it be worth giving up another fourth of your sex life?"

Shrugging, the golfer replies, "Okay." And he makes an eagle.

On the final hole, the golfer needs another eagle to win. Without waiting for him to say anything, the stranger quickly moves to his side and says, "Would winning this match be worth giving up the rest of your sex life?"

"Definitely," the golfer replies, and he makes the eagle.

As the golfer is walking to the club house, the stranger walks along side him and says, "I haven't really been fair with you because you don't know who I am. I'm the Devil, and from this day forward you will have no sex life."

"Nice to meet you," the golfer replies, "I'm Father O'Malley."

 

[rogerkambah]

Paddy was a youthful and hardworking Irishman at a Coastal village in Ireland.Daily he would pole a heavy old punt out to sea then work a heavy iron grapple to bring up the sand oysters which he sold to the local ice works. He was a man of regular habits he always arrived home each day at a certain time.

Sadly, Paddy did not realise the heavy grappling was taking a toll on a faulty heart. One day he failed to come home, so his wife contacted the Police to investigate him being missing. They rowed out and found Paddy dead in the punt beside him a huge grapple full of oysters he'd tried to hoist aboard.

Headlines next day in the 'Irish Times Newspaper' said.........................................







OYSTERS KILPATRICK !!!!

 

[strawbs68]

A wife is a bit like an old television.
It used to look good, but now it's too big for the room, but you know you can't afford a newer model so you bang it anyway to keep it going.

 

[strawbs68]

I was talking to a guy at work today about sex before marriage.
'I never had sex with my wife before we got married, how about you?'
'I don't know,' I said, 'What is her name