A bit of humour

[futaris]

I know most people on here don't like JetSaver fares from Jetstar, but what about this new airline launching in New Zealand:

SaverJet

 

[drron]

Keeping up the Kiwi flavor-these 2 really cemented kiwi reputations-
Chain of fools: cuffed escapees' run in with pole - World - smh.com.au

 

[serfty]

I know most people on here don't like JetSaver fares from Jetstar, but what about this new airline launching in New Zealand:

SaverJet

Cool ... I do note though that the only reason AirNZ advertise the nett price in NZ is because they have to.

In recent years, they (and Qantas for that matter) have paid significant fines to the NZ gvmnt for not doing so.

 

[Mal]

I know most people on here don't like JetSaver fares from Jetstar, but what about this new airline launching in New Zealand:

SaverJet

Got a good laugh out of that one.... now who are they talking about

 

[JohnK]

SaverJet has got to be one of the funniest wind-up airline websites I have encountered

 

[codash1099]

You Know It's A No-Frills Airline When...

. They don't sell tickets, they sell chances.

. All the insurance machines in the terminal are sold out.

. Before the flight, the passengers get together and elect a pilot.

. If you kiss the wing for luck before boarding, it kisses you back.

. You cannot board the plane unless you have the exact change.

. Before you take off, the stewardess tells you to fasten your Velcro.

. The Captain asks all the passengers to chip in a little for gas.

. When they pull the steps away, the plane starts rocking.

. The Captain yells at the ground crew to get the cows off the runway.

. You ask the Captain how often their planes crash and he replies, "Just once."

. No movie. Don't need one. Your life keeps flashing before your eyes.

. You see a man with a gun, but he's demanding to be let off the plane.

 

[aaron78]

HUMOUROUS

 

[Alanslegal]

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?!



You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!

 

[straitman]

You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!

Because it would cut down on the manufacturers repeat business :!:

 

[anat0l]

You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!

Because then the plane would be too heavy to fly.

</joke killed="true">

 

[codash1099]

Because then the plane would be too heavy to fly.

</joke killed="true">

But that would only make it even safer

 

[Alanslegal]

thanks for killing my blackbox joke

More jokes to follow:-

Best Doctor in the World;-

An Israeli doctor says 'Medicine in my country is so advanced that we
can take a kidney out of one man, put it in another, and have him
looking for work in six weeks.'

A German doctor says 'That is nothing; we can take a lung out of one person, put it in another, and have him looking for work in four weeks.’

A Russian doctor says 'In my country, medicine is so advanced that we can take half a heart out of one person, put it in another, and have them both looking for work in two weeks.'

A doctor from Texas, not to be outdone, says 'You guys are way behind, we recently took a man with no brains out of Texas , put him in the White House for eight years, and now half the WORLD is looking for work.'

 

[JohnK]

The Siamese Twins

Siamese twins walk into a pub in Brisbane and park themselves on a bar stool. One says to the barman, 'Don't mind us, we're joined at the hip. I'm Joe, he's Jim, we'll have two xx_Xs please'.

The barman, feeling slightly awkward, tries to make polite conversation while pouring the beers. 'Been on holiday yet, boys?'

'Off to America next month,' says Joe. 'We go to the States every year and hire a car and drive for miles, don't we, Jim?'

'Yair', says Jim, not the more talkative of the pair.

'Ah, America,' says the barman. 'Wonderful country. . ... the history, the scenery, the culture . . . '

'Nah, we don't like any of that Yank stuff,' says Joe. 'Meat pies and beer, that's us, eh Jim? We can't stand the Yanks -- they're arrogant, rude and egotistical.'

'So why keep going to America?' asks the barman.

'It's the only chance Jim gets to drive.'

 

[codash1099]

A guy starts talking to two women in a bar. They turn
out to be Siamese twins, connected at the hip, and they
wind up back at his apartment.

He makes love to one, and then starts to work on the
other. He thinks the first one might get bored watching,
so he asks her what she'd like to do.

She says, "Is that a trombone in the corner? I'd love to
play your trombone."

So she plays it while he makes love to her sister.

A few weeks later, the girls are walking past his apart-
ment building. One of the girls says, "Let's stop up and
see that guy."

The other girl says, "Gee ... do you think he'll remember
us?"

 

[codash1099]

Once upon a time the government had a vast scrap yard in the middle of a desert.

Canberra said "Someone may steal from it at night."

So they created a night watchman position and hired a person for the job.

Then Canberra said, "How does the watchman do his job without instruction?"

So they created a planning department and hired two people, one person to write the instructions, and one person to do time studies.

Then Canberra said, "How will we know the night watchman is doing the work correctly?"

So they created a Quality Control department and hired two people. One to do the studies and one to write the reports.

Then Canberra said, "How are these people going to get paid?"

So they created the following positions: a timekeeper, and a payroll officer, then they hired two people.

Then Canberra said, "Who will be accountable for all of these people?"

So they created an administrative section and hired three people: an Administrative Officer, Assistant Administrative Officer, and a Legal Secretary.

Then Canberra finally said, "We have had this command in operation for one year and we are $780,000 over budget, our funds are low and we must cutback overall cost."

So they laid off the night watchman.

 

[straitman]

Once upon a time the government had a vast scrap yard in the middle of a desert.

Canberra said "Someone may steal from it at night."

So they created a night watchman position and hired a person for the job.

Then Canberra said, "How does the watchman do his job without instruction?"

So they created a planning department and hired two people, one person to write the instructions, and one person to do time studies.

Then Canberra said, "How will we know the night watchman is doing the work correctly?"

So they created a Quality Control department and hired two people. One to do the studies and one to write the reports.

Then Canberra said, "How are these people going to get paid?"

So they created the following positions: a timekeeper, and a payroll officer, then they hired two people.

Then Canberra said, "Who will be accountable for all of these people?"

So they created an administrative section and hired three people: an Administrative Officer, Assistant Administrative Officer, and a Legal Secretary.

Then Canberra finally said, "We have had this command in operation for one year and we are $780,000 over budget, our funds are low and we must cutback overall cost."

So they laid off the night watchman.

That's not funny :!:

That's sad, but true :!: :shock:

 

[Flashback]

You will RAGE FFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUU - Bodybuilding.com Forums

Warning: not suitable for anyone.

 

[bambbbam2]

Job at the FBI



The FBI had an opening for an assassin.

After all the background checks, interviews

And testing were done, there were 3 finalists;
Two men and a woman.


For the final test, the FBI agents took one of
The men to a large metal door and handed
Him a gun.

'We must know that you will follow your
Instructions no matter what the circumstances.

Inside the room you will find your wife sitting
In a chair . . . Kill her!!'

The man said, 'You can't be serious. I could
Never shoot my wife.'

The agent said, 'Then you're not the right man
For this job. Take your wife and go home.'


The second man was given the same instructions.
He took the gun and went into the room. All was
Quiet for about 5 minutes.

The man came out with tears in his eyes, 'I tried,
But I can't kill my wife.' The agent said, 'You don't
Have what it takes. Take your wife and go home.'


Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the
Same instructions, to kill her husband. She took the
Gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one
After another. They heard screaming, crashing,
Banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was
Quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the
Woman, wiping the sweat from her brow.

'This gun is loaded with blanks' she said. 'I had to
Beat him to death with the chair.'

 

[Flashback]

Mujibar was trying to get a job in India .

The Personnel Manager said, "Mujibar, you have passed all the tests, except one. Unless you pass it , you cannot qualify for this job."

Mujibar said, "I am ready."

The manager said, "Make a sentence using the words Yellow, Pink and Green."

Mujibar thought for a few minutes and said, "Mister manager, I am ready"

The manager said, "Go ahead."

Mujibar said, "The telephone goes green, green, .......... green,green, and I pink it up, and say, 'Yellow', this is Mujibar."

Mujibar now works at a call center.

No doubt you have spoken to him. I know I have.

 

[Maca44]

Little Johnny comes down to breakfast. Since they live on a farm, his mother asks if he had done his chores.
"Not yet," said little Johnny.
His mother tells him he can't have any breakfast until he does his chores.
Well, he's a little pissed, so he goes to feed the chickens, and he kicks a chicken. He goes to feed the cows, and he kicks a cow. He goes to feed the pigs, and he kicks a pig. He goes back in for breakfast and his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal. "How come I don't get any eggs and bacon? Why don't I have any milk in my cereal?" he asks.
"Well," his mother says, "I saw you kick a chicken, so you don't get any eggs for a week. I saw you kick the pig, so you don't get any bacon, for a week either. I also saw you kick the cow, so, for a week you aren't getting any milk."
Just then, his father comes down for breakfast and kicks the cat as he's walking into the kitchen. Little Johnny looks up at his mother with a smile, and says, "Are you going to tell him, or should I?