A bit of humour

[Major]

THE PARROT

During a dull White House dinner, Melania Trump leaned over to chat with Secretary of State, Tillerson.


"I bought Donald a parrot for his birthday.


That bird is so smart, Donald has already taught him to say over two hundred words!"


“Very impressive," said Tillerson, "but, you do realize he just speaks the words. He doesn't really understand what they all mean.”


"Oh, I know", replied Melania, “but neither does the parrot."

 

[coriander]

BMW Gearbox troubles

 

[Maca44]

My Dad died last year when my family couldn't remember his blood type in time for the paramedics to give him a blood transfusion.

As he was dying he kept insisting "be positive", but it's hard with him.

 

[Bundy Bear]

 

[juddles]

Forgive my bent sense of humor, but when I looked at the list of recent threads on AFF I couldn't help but smile when I saw the two thread titles "A bit of humor" and "QF announce non-stop Perth-London on 787" next to each other......

 

[JohnM]

Forgive my bent sense of humor, but when I looked at the list of recent threads on AFF I couldn't help but smile when I saw the two thread titles "A bit of humor" and "QF announce non-stop Perth-London on 787" next to each other......

Errr - guess what, mate? I'm going to test that next year....

 

[drron]

A bit of Kiwi humour-

 

[drron]

And a couple of oldies for Christmas.First is quite topical at the moment.

Why is Santa always jolly?
Because he knows where all the bad girls live.

And one for your young children or grandkids.
Why cant you email Santa?
Because the igloo doesn't have windows.

 

[love_the_life]

And another seasonal one...

 

[TheRealTMA]

And another seasonal one...
...

Wreck the trees and blame the doggies.. Fa la la la

 

[Major]

A sign of the times

 

[codash1099]

WARNING: Very definitely NSFW

 

[Hvr]

So Penny saw this one guy at the Olympics carrying a long, long wooden stick, so she asked, "Oh, are you a pole vaulter?"

And he replied, "Nein, I am German, but how did you know my name is Walther????"

 

[straitman]

Some Aviation Humour:


The difference between a duck and a co-pilot?
The duck can fly.

A check ride ought to be like a skirt.
Short enough to be interesting, but long enough to cover everything.

Speed is life. Altitude is life insurance.

It only takes two things to fly:
Airspeed, and money.

The three most dangerous things in aviation:
1. A Doctor or Dentist in a Cessna.
2. Two captains in a DC-9.

Aircraft Identification:
If it's ugly, it's British.
If it's weird, it's French.
If it's ugly and weird, it's Russian.

Without ammunition, the Air Force would be just another very expensive flying club.

The similarity between air traffic controllers and pilots?
If a pilot screws up, the pilot dies.
If ATC screws up, the pilot dies.

The difference between flight attendants and jet engines:
The engines usually quit whining when they get to the gate.

New FAA/CASA motto:
'We're not happy, till you're not happy.'
If Air Traffic Control screws up, it's called a "System Malfunction", If a pilot screws up it's called a "violation".

If something hasn't broken on your helicopter -- it's about to.

I give that landing a 9 . . on the Richter scale.

Basic Flying Rules:
1. Try to stay in the middle of the air.
2. Do not go near the edges of it.
3. The edges of the air can be recognized by the appearance of ground, buildings, sea, trees and interstellar space. It is much more difficult to fly in the edges.

Unknown landing signal officer (LSO) to carrier pilot after his 6th unsuccessful landing attempt:
"You've got to land here son. This is where the food is."

The three best things in life are:
A good landing, a good cough, and a good bowel movement.
A night carrier landing is one of the few opportunities to experience all three at the same time.

 

[Bundy Bear]

Another year almost over

 

[Bundy Bear]

I think most people would agree.

 

[codash1099]

 

[Maca44]

Children are sexually transmitted

 

[love_the_life]

 

[Captain Halliday]

As I’m currently in YVR...

Q: Why did the Canadian take up fishing?

A: Just for the halibut.