A bit of humour

[mrs.dr.ron]

This one is for HVR

 

[Gremlin]

I liked the build up...

 

[Flashback]

Was going through some photos I took in Euphesus (Turkey) and stumbled across this....

 

[Flashback]

Finding a woman sobbing that she had locked her keys in her car, a passing soldier assures her that he can help.
She looks on amazed as he removes his trousers, rolls them into a tight ball and rubs them against the car door.
Magically it opens. "That's so clever," the woman gasps. "How did you do it?"
"Easy," replies the man. "These are my khakis".

 

[VPS]

Finding a woman sobbing that she had locked her keys in her car, a passing soldier assures her that he can help.
She looks on amazed as he removes his trousers, rolls them into a tight ball and rubs them against the car door.
Magically it opens. "That's so clever," the woman gasps. "How did you do it?"
"Easy," replies the man. "These are my khakis".

That was dreadful and I had to check that it wasn't @Hvr that posted that

 

[Flashback]

That was dreadful and I had to check that it wasn't @Hvr that posted that

You're welcome!

 

[mrs.dr.ron]

MEXICO HAS DECIDED TO PAY FOR THE WALL ...............................

 

[codash1099]

MEXICO HAS DECIDED TO PAY FOR THE WALL ...............................

Build that wall !

 

[Hvr]

A steak pun is a rare medium well done.

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

 

[Hvr]

Why did the girl smear peanut butter on the road? To go with the traffic jam.

A man walks into a bar and orders helicopter flavor chips. The barman replies “sorry mate we only do plain”

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

 

[Hvr]

Did you hear about the ATM that got addicted to money?

It suffered from withdrawals.

++++++++++++

A furniture store keeps calling me.

All I wanted was one night stand.

 

[Hvr]

I'll never date another apostrophe.

The last one was too possessive.

+++++++++++++++++


I just swapped my bed for a trampoline.

My wife hit the roof.

 

[Hvr]

1. To the man in the wheelchair that stole my camouflage jacket... You can hide but you can't run.

 

[Hvr]

Why did the fish get bad grades? Because it was below sea level!

I'm a social vegan. I avoid meet.

 

[juddles]

1. To the man in the wheelchair that stole my camouflage jacket... You can hide but you can't run.

Thanks hvr, all the others here cast such scorn, but this one gave me a needed laugh tonight

 

[juddles]

Three guys are merrily drinking on the top floor of a skyscraper. The first guy staggers over to the edge of the building, and says:

"Ya know that due to the shape of this f..kin building, the wind stops anything falling and brings it back onto the roof?"

The second guy says: "What the f... are you talking about?"

The first guy says: "Is true, the wind races up this side, so you cannot fall.Look, I'll show youse"

To the horror of the second guy, the first guy suddenly leaps over the edge. He falls for ages, but then suddenly slows, and then shoots back up, landing just beside the second guy.

The second guy is amazed. He wanders over to the side, and jumps over. He whistles down, never slows, and then SPLAT on the pavement.

The third guy then says to the first guy: "Superman, you are a f..in mean drunk!"

 

[Hvr]

How do you stay warm in any room?
Just huddle in the corner, where it’s always 90 degrees.

Did you hear the one about the statistician.
Probably.

Why did the chicken cross the Mobius Strip?
To get to the same side.

Why do plants hate math?
Because it gives them square roots.

How do you get from point A to point B?
Just take an x-y plane or a rhom’bus.

Why should you never mention the number 288?
Because it’s two gross.

Why couldn’t the angle get a loan?
His parents wouldn’t Cosine.

Why didn’t Bob drink a glass of water with 8 pieces of ice in it?
It was too cubed.

Why should you never argue with decimals?
Decimals always have a point.

What do you call a number that can’t keep still?
A roamin’ numeral.

Dear Algebra, Please stop asking us to find your X.
She’s never coming back—don’t ask Y.

 

[Captain Halliday]

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

Which reminds me:
What did the cheese say when it looked in the mirror?
Halloumi

Did you hear about the explosion in the cheese factory?
De brie everywhere

What kind of cheese do you use to disguise a small horse?
Marscapone

Which cheese is made backwards?
Edam

I have one other cheese joke but I won’t post it because it’s no gouda.

 

[codash1099]

 

[Bundy Bear]

A new Facebook game has been appearing recently.