A bit of humour

[Hvr]

As a kid, I had a small amphibian as a pet.


He was minute

+++++++++++++

 

[Hvr]

Three greats of a Hollywood action movies are discussing making a movie to highlight their acting talent. Not an action movie; something more subtle. They’ve come up with the working title of The Three Composers.

Sylvester Stallone says that he’d like to play Vivaldi to pay tribute to his Italian roots. Bruce Willis decides he wants to play an all-American composer so he chooses Gershwin. Schwarzenegger just drawls “I’ll be Bach”

++++++++++

 

[Hvr]

 

[Hvr]

I was at a Faith Healers meeting last night, it was rubbish, even the guy in the wheelchair walked out


++++++++++++++++


A centurion walks into a bar, holds up two fingers and says “Five pints please"

+++++++++++++++

Or ...

He asks for a martinus

The barman says “do you mean a martini?”

And the centurion says “if I’d wanted a double I’d have asked for one.”

+++++++++++++++++++++

 

[Hvr]

Maybe I'm being paranoid but there are five Peruvian owls sat on a fence looking in my window.....



I think they're Inca hoots

 

[drron]

I'm really tempted to email Dan Andrews and implore him to give an exemption to Hvr so he can go back to work.

 

[Hvr]

I'm really tempted to email Dan Andrews and implore him to give an exemption to Hvr so he can go back to work.

I'm actually working full time from home. So by saving on my commute (20 minute train ride each way) I get more time to post jokes.

 

[tgh]

All very droll HVR, great entertainment .. well done.

 

[straitman]

 

[TheRealTMA]

 

[straitman]

View attachment 220261

Sadly this is believable!

 

[TheRealTMA]

one for Hrv.

 

[Flashback]

KFC.

 

[Flashback]

Won't they just leave the statues alone!?

 

[Solid]

 

[get me outta here]

Nah, thanks Donald J in his younger fitter years before all the Big Macs.

View attachment 220309

 

[p--and--t]

Nah, thanks Donald J in his younger fitter years before all the Big Macs.

In his dreams (he probably thinks he still looks like that)

 

[cosi]

A lawyer writes a letter to his wife Janie...

My Dear Janie,

You will surely understand that I have certain needs that you, being 57 years old, can no longer satisfy. I am very happy with you and I value you as a good wife. Therefore, after reading this letter, I hope that you will not wrongly interpret the fact that I will be spending the evening with my 18-year-old secretary at the Comfort Inn Hotel. Please do not be upset----I shall be home before midnight.

When he came home late that night, he found the following letter on the dining room table:

My "Dearest Husband”,

I received your letter and thank you for your honesty about my being 57 years old. I would like to take this opportunity to remind you that you are also 57 years old. As a math teacher at our local college. I would like to inform you that while you read this, I will be at the Hotel Fiesta with Michael, one of my students, who is also the assistant tennis coach. He is young, virile, and like your secretary, is 18 years old.

As a successful lawyer who has an excellent knowledge of math, you will understand that we are in the same situation, although with one small difference - 18 goes into 57 a lot more times than 57 goes into 18

 

[mrs.dr.ron]

 

[Bundy Bear]

All lives matter