A bit of humour

[Hvr]

 

[drron]

Yes I am.

Me too.

 

[VPS]

Modified Maslow's chart

 

[VPS]

Dandelions

 

[JessicaTam]

Modified Maslow's chart

View attachment 254815

I was going to like this post, but then I thought 'agree' is more appropriate!

 

[coriander]

I was trying to find a company that made yard sticks.

Turns out, they're not making them any longer...

 

[Scarlett]

After my first Pfizer shot my mobile data speed is definitely better... even faster when wearing a tin foil hat too.

 

[Ansett]

 

[Ansett]

 

[straitman]

 

[coriander]

Included here as Sunday Terrorgraph is a joke:



Though this is a better correction!

 

[Major]

 

[mrs.dr.ron]

 

[Major]

 

[straitman]

Scientists got together to study the effects of alcohol on a person’s walk, and the result was staggering.

 

[coriander]

What was a more important invention than the first telephone?
The second one.

Two cannibals are eating a clown. One turns to the other and asks, "Does this taste funny to you?"

 

[TheRealTMA]

 

[coriander]

A farmer stopped by the local mechanics shop to have his truck fixed. They couldn’t do it while he waited, so he said he didn’t live far and would just walk home.

On the way home he stopped at Bunnings and bought a bucket and a gallon of paint. He then stopped by PetBarn and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose. However, struggling outside the store he now had a problem – how to carry his entire purchases home.

While he was scratching his head, he was approached by a little old lady who told him she was lost. She asked, “Can you tell me how to get to 16 Emu Run Lane?”

The farmer said, “Well, as a matter of fact, my farm is very close to that house. I would walk you there, but I can’t carry this lot.”

The old lady suggested, “Why don’t you put the can of paint in the bucket. Carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?”

“Why thank you very much,” he said and proceeded to walk the old girl home.

On the way he says “Let’s take my short cut and go down this alley. We’ll be there in no time.”

The little old lady looked him over cautiously then said, “I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me. How do I know that when we get in the alley you won’t hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and have your way with me?”

The farmer said, “Holy smokes lady! I’m carrying a bucket, a gallon of paint, two chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?”

The old lady replied, “Set the goose down, cover her with the bucket, put the paint on top of the bucket, and I’ll hold the chickens.”

 

[straitman]

RETIRED HUSBAND

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Kmart. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local

Kmart:

Dear Mrs. Harris,

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Harris, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras:

1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.

6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.

9.. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the ' Mission Impossible' theme.

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed
through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO!
IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'

And last, but not least:
15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.' One of the clerks passed out.

 

[coriander]

A Priest, a Minister and a Rabbit walk into a blood bank.
The Rabbit says... I think I may be a type o.