A bit of humour

[prozac]

Was just talking to my neighbour who works in ER.

Any interesting cases?" I asked.

He replied " I don't want to bore you with details but the "Dyson Ball Cleaner" is a dangerously misleading product name."

I guess he is glad he wasn't in ER when Hoover was a top selling vacuum - "It beats a s it sweeps as it cleans"

MrsProzac used to work in the equestrian industry, importing and wholesaling. The office warehouse was in Sydney in Wentworth Avenue, up toward Oxford St. This was early eighties. She opened an account with a leatherwear shop called The Link. She supplied them horse tack like bits and other bridlewear, but also an item called a twitch (if you need to ask you won't understand. ).
One day the owner of The Link came in for his order and as he was leaving asked if she had anything else of interest. "How about an electric cattle prodder?" He bought 6.

 

[cosi]

I know a great joke about Corona Virus, you probably won't get it though.

 

[TheRealTMA]

oldie but goodie

 

[Hvr]

This is why they call it snail mail.

 

[drron]

 

[drron]

I mowed the lawn today and after I sat down and had a cold beer.

The day was really quite beautiful, and the drink facilitated some deep thinking.

My wife walked by and asked me what I was doing. and I said, "Nothing."

The reason I said "nothing" instead of saying just thinking" is because she then would have asked, 'About what?" At that point, I would have had to explain that men are deep thinkers about various topics, which would lead to other questions.

Finally, I pondered an age-old question: Is giving birth more painful than getting kicked in the nuts?

Women always maintain that giving birth is way more painful than a guy getting kicked in the nuts, but how could they know? Well, after another beer and some more heavy deductive thinking. I have come up with an answer to that question. Getting kicked in the nuts is more painful than having a baby and even though I obviously couldn't really know, here is the reason for my conclusion:

A year or so after giving birth, a woman will often say, it might be nice to have another child."

But you never hear a guy say.

"You know, I think I would like another kick in the nuts.'

I rest my case. Time for another beer. Then maybe a nap.

 

[coriander]

A little boy comes down to breakfast.
Since they live on a farm, his mother asks if he had done his chores.

"Not yet," said the little boy.

His mother tells him no breakfast until he does his chores.

Well, he's a little teed off, so he goes to feed the chickens, and he kicks a chicken.
He goes to feed the cows, and he kicks a cow.
He goes to feed the pigs, and he kicks a pig.
He goes back in for breakfast and his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal.

"How come I don't get any eggs and bacon? and why don't I have any milk in my cereal?" he asks.

"Well," his mother says, "I saw you kick a chicken, so you don't get any eggs for a week.
I saw you kick the pig, so you don't get any bacon for a week either.
I saw you kick the cow so for a week you aren't getting any milk."

Just then, his father comes down for breakfast and kicks the cat halfway across the kitchen.

The little boy looks up at his mother with a smile, and says, "You gonna tell him or should I ?"

 

[TheRealTMA]

 

[VPS]

Optimistic

 

[NM]

Optimistic

View attachment 308368

You copying my AFF Avatar, which is my Queensland Christmas Snowman?

 

[mrs.dr.ron]

You copying my AFF Avatar, which is my Queensland Christmas Snowman?

And here was me thinking it was 3 people in an orange canoe white water rafting !!

 

[coriander]

In Breaking news: Boy George has been attacked by a reptile on the set of I'm a Celebrity, get me out of here.
They were looking for a Calmer Chameleon, but they come and go.

 

[NM]

And here was me thinking it was 3 people in an orange canoe white water rafting !!

That works too.

 

[cosi]

 

[coriander]

A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection.

Judge says, ‘First offender?’

She says, ‘No, first a Gibson! Then a Fender!’

 

[mrs.dr.ron]

A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection.

Judge says, ‘First offender?’

She says, ‘No, first a Gibson! Then a Fender!’

I hope we are not talking about @Denali !!!

 

[p--and--t]

I'm old enough to remember when cosmetic surgery was rarely discussed in mixed company.

Nowadays, people often chat about Botox and don't raise an eyebrow

 

[drron]

 

[TheRealTMA]

 

[p--and--t]

View attachment 308759

I see what you did there. Took me a while (too long - I must be getting slow).