A bit of humour

[samh004]

Haha. But didn’t that boy who survived one of the plane crashes this year survive because he wasn’t wearing his seat belt and thus was thrown free?

 

[JohnK]

Here is one for drron! Just kidding.

Golf's a hard game to figure. One day you'll go out and slice it and shank it, hit into all the traps and miss every green. The next day you go out and for no reason at all you really stink....

 

[Flashback]

Here is one for drron! Just kidding.

Golf's a hard game to figure. One day you'll go out and slice it and shank it, hit into all the traps and miss every green. The next day you go out and for no reason at all you really stink....

No reason at all? C'mon, we all know it's because the chap didn't have a shower! :mrgreen:

 

[drron]

No reason at all? C'mon, we all know it's because the chap didn't have a shower! :mrgreen:

I did too!!!
describes my game to a tee though.

 

[serfty]

I did too!!!
describes my game to a tee though.

What about from the tee?

 

[Ikara]

Tools Explained: I hope you'll this list useful.
JB


DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted project which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.
WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light . Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, 'Oh sh--!'
SKILL SAW: A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.
PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters.
BELT SANDER: An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.
HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle... It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.
VISE-GRIPS: Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.
OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub out of which you want to remove a bearing race.
TABLE SAW: A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity.
HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new brake shoes , trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper.
BAND SAW: A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut good aluminum sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trash can after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the outside edge.
TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST: A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything you forgot to disconnect.
PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.
STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER: A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws and butchering your palms.
PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.
HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to make hoses too short.
HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent the object we are trying to hit.
UTILITY KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use.
SON-OF-A-cough TOOL: (A personal favorite!!) Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling 'Son of a cough!' at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool that you will need.

Hope you found this informative.

 

[JohnK]

I did too!!!
describes my game to a tee though.

You would have loved my game today drron.

Topped the 9 iron from the 1st tee into the creek 50 yards in front of me and it only got worse from there. Snap hooks, duck hooks, duffs where the divot and dirt almost reached the ball, hitting 2 trees with one shot and on the same hole at least 4 trees hit with my first 3 shots, skulled chips and several 3 putts.

Apart from that it was a good round. Looking for a repeat effort tomorrow....

 

[drron]

You would have loved my game today drron.

Topped the 9 iron from the 1st tee into the creek 50 yards in front of me and it only got worse from there. Snap hooks, duck hooks, duffs where the divot and dirt almost reached the ball, hitting 2 trees with one shot and on the same hole at least 4 trees hit with my first 3 shots, skulled chips and several 3 putts.

Apart from that it was a good round. Looking for a repeat effort tomorrow....

Only 2 trees with the one shot-I can do a lot better than that-lost count at 4 at the AFF golf day-but amazingly the ball ended up heading in nearly the right direction.

 

[codash1099]

Cheap Flights (language warning!)

YouTube - Cheap Flights - FASCINATING AIDA

 

[QF WP]

Only 2 trees with the one shot-I can do a lot better than that-lost count at 4 at the AFF golf day-but amazingly the ball ended up heading in nearly the right direction.

Just which hole was that on, drron. I remember a couple :idea:

Having said that, I hit a 93 at Redland Bay yesterday - hitting trees a couple of times (but not as many as you or JohnK) - most of mine at favourable angles. Still, 2 better than the AFF Golf Day score, 41 stableford points and runner up for the stableford competition, as well as winning my QF's of our Social Club's Match Play comp I was playing at the same time (1 up) - so into the semi finals.

Only bad news is I lost 3 strokes on my handicap :evil: and have to play a 15 handicapper at St Lucia in a mid-week round.

 

[ethernet]

Qantas has new music to listen to for all its jet flights

Smoke on the Water - Deep Purple
Fire in the sky - Ozzy
Flight Of Icarus - Iron Maiden
Flame on - Tony Iommi
When the smoke is going down - Scorpions
Take Hold Of The Flame - Queensryche
Fire Woman - The Cult
Fire down below Bob Seger
Burning kisses - Bitter Grace
Take Hold Of The Flame - Queensryche
Burnin' For You - Blue Oyster Cult
Wheel in the sky - Journey
Freewheel Burning - Judas Priest
Burning Like A Flame - Dokken
Ring of Fire
It's Raining Men
Leaving on a jet plane - john denver
Beat Up Old Jetliner Lyrics - Bob Rivers :evil:​

 

[samh004]

Qantas has new music to listen to for all its jet flights
​

Was your previous post of the exact same posted in the wrong thread?

 

[Flashback]

Qantas has new music to listen to for all its jet flights

Smoke on the Water - Deep Purple
Fire in the sky - Ozzy
Flight Of Icarus - Iron Maiden
Flame on - Tony Iommi
When the smoke is going down - Scorpions
Take Hold Of The Flame - Queensryche
Fire Woman - The Cult
Fire down below Bob Seger
Burning kisses - Bitter Grace
Take Hold Of The Flame - Queensryche
Burnin' For You - Blue Oyster Cult
Wheel in the sky - Journey
Freewheel Burning - Judas Priest
Burning Like A Flame - Dokken
Ring of Fire
It's Raining Men
Leaving on a jet plane - john denver
Beat Up Old Jetliner Lyrics - Bob Rivers :evil:​

Is it coincidence that the first two songs.... are actually one line of lyrics in the first song?

 

[ethernet]

Is it coincidence that the first two songs.... are actually one line of lyrics in the first song?

Huh? if so, I did now know the lyrics!
Yep did post twice after thinking this be a challenger - like getting words out of a word square puzzle.
You could also do 'Help Desk' songs like 'You keep me hanging on' and 'Help, I need somebody' - Banks 'Money'... People with better skills can go into T-Shirt designs - just to annoy the PR drones. Maybe the other company can supply RR with some pre-printed jet engine crossword puzzles on a roll....

 

[drron]

I debated where to post this but decided on here so no one thinks it is serious-

WASHINGTON, DC—Seeking to address “the number-one threat to airline security,” the Federal Aviation Administration announced Monday that it will consider banning passengers on all domestic and international commercial flights.
“In every single breach of security in recent years, whether it was an act of terrorism or some other form of crime, it was a passenger who subverted the safety systems on board the aircraft or in the terminal,” FAA administrator Marion Blakey said. “Even threats that came in the form of explosives inside baggage were eventually traced back to a ticketed individual. As great a revenue source as they have been, passengers simply represent too great a risk to the airline industry.”
Under the proposed reforms, the FAA would institute a strict ban on adult passengers, passengers 18 and under, international travelers, and domestic customers.

This was from 2002 but probably even more relevant today.The whole article is here-
FAA Considering Passenger Ban | The Onion - America's Finest News Source

some of the links are also quite humourous.

 

[ethernet]

Don't laugh.
Pilots are unhappy about X-Ray scatter scanning, and passengers are outraged by recent more than pat down frisks/groping. 10% said they would not fly if it happened again.

There was another 'Onion' style survey - I cant find it
where options along the lines:Opt Out of the Airport Scanners for Health and Privacy - We Won't Fly .com
Full on Groping experience
Full strip search
Fly naked
Ban Amputees
Without laptop or electronic devices and no phone (another survey revealed 80% of flyers thought a phone was NOT a electronic device)
Strapped in and not allowed to move
Ban passengers altogether

Moving from sublime to the ridiculous. 1st rule of security: Security does not exist for securities sake.

 

[medhead]

Don't laugh.
Pilots are unhappy about X-Ray scatter scanning, and passengers are outraged by recent more than pat down frisks/groping. 10% said they would not fly if it happened again.

Watching that video the thing that occurs to me is the security people involved with the machine are standing right there next to it. Say they do one every 30 seconds, which seems about right, over a normal 2000 hour working year that's like 240000 scans. Now where those security people are standing they would be getting a fair amount of scatter radiation. even if they only do every second scan, there were 2 of them involved, that's like 120,000 scans. I wouldn't mind betting that adds up to a decent radiation dose.

 

[samh004]

Now where those security people are standing they would be getting a fair amount of scatter radiation. even if they only do every second scan, there were 2 of them involved, that's like 120,000 scans. I wouldn't mind betting that adds up to a decent radiation dose.

Good job Obama is pushing for more health care coverage, they’re going to need it!

 

[ethernet]

Exactly the point I made a while ago - these 'assurances' are a both a joke and a lie, and never actually tested on site.

Q: What do you cal1 20 Flight Attendants in a basement?
A: A whine cellar.

Q: What is the difference between a F/A and a jet engine?
A: The engine stops whining at the gate.

Q: What's the difference between a good F/A and a bad F/A ?
A: The good F/A says, "Morning, Captain", and the bad F/A says, "It's morning Captain!":evil:

 

[straitman]

Paddy's pregnant sister was in a terrible car accident and went into a deep coma.
After being in the coma for nearly six months, she wakes up and sees that she is no longer pregnant.
Frantically, she asks the doctor about her baby.

The doctor replies, 'Ma'am, you had twins.... a boy and a girl. The babies are fine; However, they were poorly at birth and had to be
christened immediately so your brother Paddy came in and named them.'

The woman thinks to herself, ' Oh suffering Jesus, no, not me brother, he's a clueless idiot...'.
Expecting the worst, she asks the doctor,' Well, what's my daughter's name?'

' Denise' says the doctor. The new mother is somewhat relieved.
'Wow, that's a really beautiful name, 'I guess I was wrong about my brother', she thought....'I really like Denise'.

Then she asks, ' What's the boy's name?'

The doctor replies ' Denephew '