A bit of humour

SOLAR ENERGY - THE TRUTH

Many groups and individuals are proposing that our government spend tax money on research and development of systems to utilize solar energy. They urge construction of vast solar energy collectors to convert sunlight to electricity to supply our energy needs. They would even put solar collectors on roofs of homes, factories, schools, and other buildings. Proponents of this technology claim that solar power will be safer and cleaner than coal, oil, or nuclear energy sources. We view these proposals with alarm.


Unscrupulous scientists and greedy promoters are hoodwinking a gullible public. We consider it rash and dangerous to commit our country to the use of solar power. This solar technology has never been utilized on such a large scale, and we have no assurance of its long-range safety. Not one single study has been done to assess the safety of electricity from solar energy as compared to electricity from other sources.

The promoters of solar power cleverly lead you to believe that it is perfectly safe. Yet they conveniently neglect to mention that solar power is generated by nuclear fusion within the sun. This process operates on the very same basic laws of nuclear physics used in nuclear power plants and atomic bombs!

And what is the source of this energy? It is hydrogen, a highly explosive gas (remember the Hindenburg?) Hydrogen is also the active material in H-bombs, which are not only tremendously destructive, but produce dangerous fallout. The glib advocates of solar power don't even mention these disturbing facts about the true sources of solar power. What else are they trying to hide from us?

In addition to the known dangers cited above, what about the unknown dangers, which very well might be worse? When pressed, scientists will admit that they do not fully understand the workings of the sun, or even of the atom. They will even grudgingly admit that our knowledge of the basic laws of physics is not yet perfect or complete. Yet these same reckless scientists would have us use this solar technology even before we fully understand how it works.

Admittedly we are already subject to a natural `background' radiation from the sun. We can do little about that, except to stay out of direct sunlight as much as possible. The evidence is already clear that too much exposure to sunlight can cause skin cancer. But solar collectors would concentrate that sunlight (which otherwise would have fallen harmlessly on waste land), convert it to electricity and pipe it into our homes to irradiate us from every light bulb! We would then not even be safe from this cancer-producing energy even in our own homes!

We all know that looking at the sun for even a few seconds can cause blindness. What long term health hazards might result from reading by light derived from solar energy? Will we develop cataracts, or slowly go blind? Not one medical study has yet addressed itself to this question, and none are planned.

In their blind zeal to plug us in to solar power, scientists seem to totally ignore possible fire hazards of solar energy. Sunlight reaching us directly from the sun at naturally safe levels poses little fire threat. But all one has to do is concentrate sunlight, with a simple burning- glass, and it readily ignites combustible materials. Who would feel safe with solar energy concentrators on their roof? Could we afford the fire insurance rates?

These scientists, and the big corporations which employ them, stand to profit greatly from construction of solar-power stations. No wonder they try to hide the dangers of the technology and suppress any open discussion of them.

Proponents of solar power present facts, figures and graphs to support their claim that solar power will be less expensive, as conventional fuel supplies dwindle and technology of solar power improves. But even if this is so, what will stop the solar power equipment manufacturers and solar power companies from raising prices when they achieve a monopoly and other fuel sources disappear?

Of course every technology has risks. We might be willing to tolerate some small risk--if solar energy really represented a permanent solution to our energy problems. But that is not the case. At best, solar energy is only a temporary band-aid. Recent calculations indicate that the "Sun Will Go Out in a Billion Years As Its Fuel Runs Out" (Source: newspaper headline) As that calculation was made a year ago, we now have only nine-hundred ninety-nine million, nine-hundred ninety-nine thousand, nine-hundred and ninety-nine years left during which we could use solar energy. Wouldn't it be better to put our human resources and scientific brains to work to find a safer and more permanent solution to our energy needs?
 
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They were inevitable

# How do they serve alcoholic drinks on Italian cruise ships? - On the rocks

# What vegetables do you get with dinner on Italian cruise ships? - Leeks

# What's the fastest way to get off an Italian cruise ship? - Follow the captain

# When the captain of the ill fated Costa Concordia was asked if he knew where he was going he replied "off course."

# So the captain of the Costa Concordia will soon be in the dock. That's more than can be said for his ship.

# The captain says he is not guilty of manslaughter. He has witnesses to prove he was nowhere near the passengers who died.

# The Costa Concordia is probably the most expensive thing to go down in Italy since Berlusconi's last hooker.

# What's the difference between the Italian economy and the stricken cruise liner Costa Concordia? Nothing - The bottom's dropped out of both.
 
Well, I got another joke about the CC, but it was a little too rude to share...


Meanwhile, I got this one this aftenoon, I'll admit to never having heard the word before, so I'm a bit confused that there is no reference to it in dictionary.com:confused:


PARAPROSDOKIANS

I had to look up "paraprosdokian". Here is the definition:

"Figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected; frequently used in a humorous situation."

"Where there's a will, I want to be in it," is a type of paraprosdokian.

Ok, so now enjoy!

1. Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.

3. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.

5. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

6. War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

8. Evening news is where they begin with 'Good Evening,' and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

9. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

10. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.

11. I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted paychecks.


12. Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says, 'In case of emergency, notify:' I put 'DOCTOR.'

13. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

14. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

15. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

16. A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.

17. I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

18. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

19. Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

20. There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.

21. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.

22. You're never too old to learn something stupid.

23. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

24. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

25. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

26. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

27. A diplomat is someone who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you look forward to the trip.

28. Hospitality is making your guests feel at home even when you wish they were.

29. I always take life with a grain of salt. Plus a slice of lemon, and a shot of tequila.

30. When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water. :?:
 
You know you're Australian if ...

* You believe that stubbies can be either drunk or worn.

* You think it's normal to have a leader called Julia.


* You've made a bong out of your garden hose rather than use it for something illegal such as watering the garden.

* You understand that the phrase 'a group of women wearing black thongs' refers to footwear and may be less alluring than it sounds.

* You pronounce Melbourne as 'Mel-bin'.

* You believe the 'l' in the word 'Australia' is optional.

* You can translate: 'Dazza and Shazza played Acca Dacca on the way to Maccas.'

* You believe it makes perfect sense for a nation to decorate its highways with large fibreglass bananas, prawns and sheep.

* You call your best friend 'a total cough' but someone you really, truly despise is just 'a bit of a cough'.

* You think 'Woolloomooloo' is a perfectly reasonable name for a place.

* You're secretly proud of our killer wildlife.

* You believe it makes sense for a country to have a $1 coin that's twice as big as its $2 coin.

* You understand that 'Wagga Wagga' can be abbreviated to 'Wagga' but 'Woy Woy' can't be called 'Woy'.

* You believe that cooked-down axle grease makes a good breakfast spread. You've also squeezed it through Vita Wheats to make little Vegemite worms.

* You believe all famous Kiwis are actually Australian, until they stuff up, at which point they again become Kiwis.

* Beetroot with your Hamburger... Of course.

* You know that certain words must, by law, be shouted out during any rendition of the Angels' song 'Am I Ever Gonna See Your Face Again'
And "Living next door to Alice".

* You believe that the confectionery known as the Wagon Wheel has become smaller with every passing year.

* You wear ugg boots outside the house.

* You believe that every important discovery in the world was made by an Australian but then sold off for a pittance.

* You believe that the more you shorten someone's name the more you like them.

* Whatever your linguistic skills, you find yourself able to order takeaway fluently in every Asian language.

* You understand that 'excuse me' can sound rude,
While 'scuse me' is always polite.

* You know what it's like to swallow a fly, on occasion via your nose.

* You know it's not summer until the steering wheel is too hot to handle and a seat belt buckle becomes a pretty good branding iron.

* Your biggest family argument over the summer concerned the rules for beach cricket.

* You shake your head in horror when companies try to market what they call 'Anzac cookies'.

* You still think of Kylie as 'that girl off Neighbours'.

* When working on a bar, you understand male customers will feel the need to offer an excuse whenever they order low-alcohol beer.

* You know how to abbreviate every word, all of which usually end in -o: arvo, combo, garbo, kero, lezzo, metho, milko, muso, rego, servo, smoko, speedo, righto, goodo etc.

* You know that there is a universal place called "woop woop" located in the middle of nowhere...no matter where you actually are.

* You know that none of us actually drink Fosters beer, because it tastes like piss. But we let the world think we do. Because we can.

* You have some time in your life slept with Aeroguard on in the summer. Maybe even as perfume.

* You've only ever used the words - tops, ripper, sick, mad, rad, sweet
- to mean good. And then you place 'bloody' in front of it when you really mean it.

* You know that the barbecue is a political arena; the person holding the tongs is always the boss and usually a man. And the women make the Salad.

* You say 'no worries' quite often, whether you realise it or not.

* You understand what no wucking furries means.

* You've drank your tea/coffee/milo through a Tim Tam.

* You own a Bond's chesty. In several different colours.

* You know that some people pronounce Australia like "Straya" and that's ok.

* And you will immediately forward this list to other Australians, here and overseas, realising that only they will understand.
 

Proofreading is a dying art, wouldn't you say?

Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and Daughter
This one I caught in the SGV Tribune the other day and called
the Editorial Room and asked who wrote this.
It took two or three readings before the editor realized
that what he was reading was impossible!!!
They put in a correction the next day.

I just couldn't help but send this along. Too funny...


SomethingWent Wrongin Jet Crash,Expert Says
No cough, really? Ya think?
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Police Begin Campaignto Run Down Jaywalkers
Now that's taking things a bit far!
---------------------------------------------------------------

[TD="bgcolor: white"]
Panda Mating Fails;Veterinarian Takes Over
What a guy!
---------------------------------------------------------------
Miners Refuse to Work afterDeath
No-good-for-nothing' lazy so-and-so's!
------------------------------------------------------
Juvenile Court to Try ShootingDefendant
See if that works any better than a fair trial!
----------------------------------------------------------
War Dims Hope forPeace
I can see where it might have that effect!
----------------------------------------------------------------
If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly,It May Last Awhile
Ya think?!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Cold Wave Linked toTemperatures
Who would have thought!
----------------------------------------------------------------

Enfield (London) CoupleSlain;Police Suspect Homicide
They may be on to something!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Red Tape Holds Up NewBridges
You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?
----------------------------------------------------------
Man Struck By Lightning:Faces Battery Charge
He probably IS the battery charge!
----------------------------------------------
New Study of ObesityLooks for LargerTestGroup
Weren't they fat enough?!
-----------------------------------------------
Astronaut Takes Blame forGas in Spacecraft
That's what he gets for eating those beans!
-------------------------------------------------
Kids Make NutritiousSnacks
Do they taste like chicken?
******************************
LocalHigh School DropoutsCut inHalf
Chainsaw Massacre all over again!
***************************************************
Hospitals are Sued by7 Foot Doctors
Boy, are they tall!
*******************************************
And the winneris....
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery;Hundreds Dead
Did I read that right?
***************************************************


Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn
to spread the stupidity and send this to someone you
want to bring a smile to (maybe even a chuckle).
We all need a good laugh, at least oncea day!
[/TD]
 
This is totally insane............. but oh what a feeling it must be!

Unless you’ve got really fast internet it’s probably best to let it fully load before playing. For those (like me) who can't look over the edge of a table without getting vertigo, hang onto your desk....it's a wild ride.

Http://www.youtube.com/embed/ER1PGYe9UZA


Watch all 3 & enjoy, these are well done!

It's smarter to travel in groups...

[TABLE="class: MsoNormalTable, width: 100%"]
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[TD="width: 100%, bgcolor: transparent"]Video 1
http://www.youtube.com/v/gBnvGS4u3F0?hl=en&fs=1&autoplay=1

Video 2
http://www.youtube.com/v/mgCIKGIYJ1A?hl=en&fs=1&autoplay=1
Video 3
http://www.youtube.com/v/LuVPnW0s3Vo?hl=en&fs=1&autoplay=1[/TD]
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Forget the F1 in Melbourne, in FNQ we have a much better event, and you should see the Pit girls!

395649_10150589253223254_339665603253_9186399_802001651_n.jpg
 
Watch all 3 & [/COLOR]enjoy, these are well done!

It's smarter to travel in groups...
[TABLE="class: MsoNormalTable, width: 100%"]
[TR]
[TD="width: 100%, bgcolor: transparent"]Video 1
http://www.youtube.com/v/gBnvGS4u3F0?hl=en&fs=1&autoplay=1

Video 2
http://www.youtube.com/v/mgCIKGIYJ1A?hl=en&fs=1&autoplay=1
Video 3
http://www.youtube.com/v/LuVPnW0s3Vo?hl=en&fs=1&autoplay=1[/TD]
[/TR]
[/TABLE]

LOL what a smart set of ads by De Lijn, of all companies.

Of course, trust the Flemish in Belgium to make an ad in English. The other faction in Belgium probably wouldn't understand two things: (a) the language, and (b) the humour!
 
Forget the F1 in Melbourne, in FNQ we have a much better event, and you should see the Pit girls!

View attachment 5789

Now,now.Eidsvold is not FNQ.I have had the privilege of working in Eidsvold due to the C'wealth government's MSOAP scheme.This fellow is definitely not out of place there.



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[TD="width: 100%"]A Spanish Teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.
'House' for instance, is feminine: 'la casa.'
'Pencil,' however, is masculine: 'el lapiz.'

A student asked, 'What gender is 'computer'?'

Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether computer' should be a masculine or a feminine noun. Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.


The men's group decided that 'computer' should definitely be of the feminine gender ('la computadora'), because:

1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;

2 The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;


3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and

4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.


(THIS GETS BETTER!)

The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine ('el computador'), because:

1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;

2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;

3. They are supposed to help you solve problems,
but half the time they ARE the problem; and

4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.
The women won.

Sent to me by a woman!



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This came from a Rig Manager
for Global Marine Drilling
in St. Johns , Newfoundland ...
They actually have to divert the path
of these things away from the rig
by towing them with ships!

Anyway, in this particular case
the water was calm and
the sun was almost directly overhead
so that the diver was able to get into the water and click this picture.

They estimated the weight at 300,000,000 tons.

No wonder the Titanic didn't stand a chance.

ImageUploadedByAustFreqFly1328241246.586614.jpg


4 American Legacies:

ImageUploadedByAustFreqFly1328242668.805523.jpg

ImageUploadedByAustFreqFly1328242698.574583.jpg

ImageUploadedByAustFreqFly1328242734.888038.jpg

ImageUploadedByAustFreqFly1328242766.568508.jpg


4 years of Rudd/Gillard Govt, by the numbers:

ImageUploadedByAustFreqFly1328305308.330319.jpg
 
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I hope this hasn't been posted previously..

A chicken farmer went to a local bar... Sat next to a woman and ordered a glass of champagne.

The woman perks up and says, 'How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne, too!'

'What a coincidence' the farmer says. 'This is a special day for me... I am celebrating
.'

'This is a special day for me too, I am also celebrating!' says the woman.

'What a coincidence!' says the farmer! As they clinked glasses the man asked, 'What are you celebrating?'

'My husband and I have been trying to have a child and today my gynaecologist told me that I am pregnant!'

'What a coincidence,' says the man. 'I'm a chicken farmer and for years all of my hens were infertile, but today they are all laying fertilized eggs.'

'That's great!' says the woman. 'How did your chickens become fertile?'

'I used a different cough,' he replied.

The woman smiled and said, 'What a coincidence.'
 
A platoon of soldiers was marching north of Fallujah when they came upon an Iraqi terrorist, badly injured and unconscious.

On the opposite side of the road was an Australian soldier in a similar but less serious state.

The soldier was conscious and alert and as first aid was given to both men, the Platoon Leader asked the injured Australian what had happened.

The soldier reported, 'I was heavily armed and moving north along the highway here, and coming south was a heavily armed insurgent.' We saw each other and both took cover in the ditches along the road.
I yelled to him that Saddam Hussein was a miserable, lowlife scum bag who got what he deserved.

He yelled back that Kevin Rudd is a bureaucratic, good-for-nothing, left wing labor cough who knows bugger all about running the country.'

'So I said that Osama Bin Ladin dresses and acts like a frigid, mean-spirited lesbian!'

He retaliated by yelling, 'Oh yeah? Well, so does Julia Gillard!'

'And, there we were, in the middle of the road, laughing, shaking hands, when a truck hit us.'
 

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