A bit of humour

Just finished a conference today, which was broadly on mined land rehabilitation and how to better do it.

Speaker following me in the after-lunch session (a.k.a. the session where everyone's full of food and would usually rather nap than listen to presentations) decided to tell a couple of jokes.


Speaker: "What's the difference between a Queensland government [mining] regulator and me? Well, I'm at this conference."

Naturally reacted by the audience by a collection of ominous sounding, "Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooo..."s

OK... that one was only good at the time...


Next joke: "I went to the zoo to see the dogs. They only had one dog there. It was a ****zu."


How he got away with saying that at this conference, we'll never know....
 
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ALERT TO THREATS IN 2012 EUROPE
By John Cleese (British writer, actor and tall person):


The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in Syria and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.


The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the .......s." They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.


The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France 's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.

Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose."


Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels .


The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.


Australia , meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be alright, Mate." Two more escalation levels remain: "Crikey! I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!" and "The barbie is cancelled." So far no situation has ever warranted use of the last final escalation level.


> -- John Cleese - British writer, actor and tall person
A final thought -" Greece is collapsing, the Iranians are getting aggressive, and Rome is in disarray. Welcome back to 430 BC.
 
Had to post this from Facebook - thanks to drewbles for surfacing it.

If you're not an IT nerd, you won't get it, so move along.


Hope this doesn't violate the TOS for language, but if it does I'm sure a mod will delete it...
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And just for good measure, here's a random classic favourite of mine:
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