I went against my better judgement and didn't push the point when a colleague suggested we book on Jetstar to get a team of 4 (including myself) back from BNE to CBR this afternoon.
Went about as well as can be expected from Jetstar:
• Discover that Jetstar bag drop is on the opposite end of the BNE domestic terminal from the Qantas lounge, requiring long trudge to get ourselves to the lounge once through security.
• Earn wrath of lounge dragon because team member's new Qantas Club membership card hadn't arrived, his Qantas app wasn't logged in, and as the JQ boarding pass isn't scanned at the lounge they couldn't determine his eligibility to enter the hallowed lounge precinct.
• Receive passive-aggressive text from JQ advising that boarding has commenced, requiring us to leave the Qantas lounge we'd just arrived in to scarper to the gate which is also at the opposite end of the terminal.
• Discover boarding hadn't actually commenced which was, in retrospect, not at all surprising.
• Get in argument with carry-on luggage minion because one team member's overnight bag was 8kg not 7.
• Make subsequent weight savings by reducing bank account balance by $65 for the privilege of carrying said bag onto the aircraft.
• Walk a half-marathon in sweltering Brisbane heat to get to the aircraft which had parked "at the gate" in the same way that people with Dodge Ram trucks park "in the lines" at Bunnings.
• Witness the interrogation and subsequent removal of an 11yr old boy from the flight because he was travelling with his 14yr old sister but no adult guardian, which is apparently not permitted by JQ. This oversight seemed not to have been detected at booking. Or at check-in. Or at bag drop. Or at the boarding gate where their parents bid them farewell and left the airport in the knowledge they had scanned their boarding passes and were on their way to sit safely on the plane in the care of JQ staff.
• Lament that my Apple AirPod Pro noice cancellation is not sufficient to cancel out the mechanical screeching noise made when the landing gear hydraulic system fails on approach and the gear doesn't lower as is typically useful when landing.
• Enjoy the mental picture of the pilot and first-officer doing the "she's stuffed - just try it again - still stuffed - try it again - still stuffed" routine which was accompanied by the screeching of metal going down, and up, and down, and up, and down.
• Enjoy a scenic flight doing loops over Canberra with the reassuringly soothing vibrations of having the landing gear dropped at 250kts.
• Wave at the fire trucks lining the runway like a guard of honour when we landed. Make sure that at least one of the brakes grab harshly during deceleration in such a way that the really stressed passengers believe that the gear has broken off and we're going to hit those big metal kangaroos alongside the runway.
• As the icing on the cake, enjoy the schadenfreude of seeing 200 pax for the return flight to BNE sitting patiently at the gate despite JQ knowing full well that they're not flying a plane with a hydraulic failure back to BNE full of passengers. Subscribe to the return flight on Flighty to watch those pax sit through several further delays until eventually the flight is cancelled at 2140, well after any other flights out of CBR that evening have left.
To be fair though, credit where it is due, so to balance my report:
• The pilot clearly did an excellent job getting the aircraft down without further incident or need for the fire trucks, and that's probably the primary indicator of success for any flight.
• For some reason my fare allowed me to choose between plain or sour cream Pringles as my in-flight snack without needing to pay any extra, which was nice.
