Hi
I'm Vanessa
Your friendly, innocent, understanding completely blameless new CEO.
I know that you are upset. I know that you have been mistreated.
I know that AJ screwed you over, wasted your time, and left with millions $$.
What you don't know is that I'm one of the #$&@%'s who advised him to do all those things.
So I'm sorry that we got caught.
Im sorry that I have to stand here grovelling like a pleb.
You should be the ones grovelling to me!!
I'm sorry that the useless lobbyists and consultants on our payroll didn't see this coming.
So I can promise you this -
I promise to provide more shiny, ultimately useless peace offerings to distract you from the rogering that you will continue to receive.
I promise to be more subtle about how we screw you over.
I promise to work harder to win back your trust and confidence that Qantas is the #1 organisation for its ability to bribe and blackmail politicians to bend them to its will.
I promise to quote the word 'humble' a hundred times.
I promise to offset all the job losses in Australia by offering 50 cent wage rises in Fiji.
I promise to better train call centre staff on how to make it seem like your call was cut off by an unforeseeable technical glitch rather than just pure incompetence or can't be bothered assisting plebs.
Most of all I promise I've hired better lobbyists, consultants And advertising spivs so we don't get caught out like this again.
And lastly I promise to help sabotage all chance of genuine competition in the industry for as long as I am CEO, or at least until such time as I get offered a cooshy board position at some casino or gambling company.
I still call Straya home
Love
Nessy
I'm Vanessa
Your friendly, innocent, understanding completely blameless new CEO.
I know that you are upset. I know that you have been mistreated.
I know that AJ screwed you over, wasted your time, and left with millions $$.
What you don't know is that I'm one of the #$&@%'s who advised him to do all those things.
So I'm sorry that we got caught.
Im sorry that I have to stand here grovelling like a pleb.
You should be the ones grovelling to me!!
I'm sorry that the useless lobbyists and consultants on our payroll didn't see this coming.
So I can promise you this -
I promise to provide more shiny, ultimately useless peace offerings to distract you from the rogering that you will continue to receive.
I promise to be more subtle about how we screw you over.
I promise to work harder to win back your trust and confidence that Qantas is the #1 organisation for its ability to bribe and blackmail politicians to bend them to its will.
I promise to quote the word 'humble' a hundred times.
I promise to offset all the job losses in Australia by offering 50 cent wage rises in Fiji.
I promise to better train call centre staff on how to make it seem like your call was cut off by an unforeseeable technical glitch rather than just pure incompetence or can't be bothered assisting plebs.
Most of all I promise I've hired better lobbyists, consultants And advertising spivs so we don't get caught out like this again.
And lastly I promise to help sabotage all chance of genuine competition in the industry for as long as I am CEO, or at least until such time as I get offered a cooshy board position at some casino or gambling company.
I still call Straya home
Love
Nessy
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