"Tony Roma's, you'll love it" Words I had heard on multiple occasions.
I really wanted to stay in my room and order room service, but I had hit upon a cunning plan. By venturing out from my room I would at least limit the damage to my lungs from the toxic and corrosive paint aroma that permeated through floor 10 of The Parmelia Hilton......and not only that if I turned the air conditioning down to 10 degrees I could turn it off when I returned and avoid the whole pneumatic drill effect for the remainder of the evening.
It was 17:25 and I was sat on a bench near Tony Roma's. Siri and I were no longer on speaking terms. Not for the first time in our three month relationship she had lied to me. Tony Roma's was not open all day, it opened at 17:30.
I don't like dining alone, it is only fractionally worse than dining with other people, so I was not in the best of moods when a spotty faced youth directed me to a table set for two, and gestured for me to take a seat. "How was your day?" he enquired with all of the heartfelt interest of a badly programmed robot. "You'll be able to see the big screen from here" he muttered. He was of course quite right, I could see the big screen....provided I turned my head 180 degrees away from the table.
Avoiding the supplementary questions when ordering in a "US style" restaurants was something I'd trained for during my time living in the US and I was able to successfully order a regular slab of original baby back ribs, coleslaw and a loaded baked potato. So no need to be asked any other questions.....which usually does not prevent the traditional up sell from the waitstaff but fortunately not here. (I feared the worst having ordered a Redback and being asked if I wanted a Redback Mild.)
I tried to look invisible as I settled into Danny Baker's wonderful autobiography on my Kindle. "Sorry mate" :?: I heard and wondered who on earth was being addressed. It was me. :shock: The waitress was addressing me. She plonked some "complimentary bread" onto the table. "Sorry mate" echoed through my mind as I settled back into my book.
"Sorry mate" I heard again, we have run out of original ribs. I briefly pondered questioning how such a thing had happened less than 5 minutes after opening, but stunned by the waitresses mode of address I meekly accepted the St Louis ribs as an alternative.
"Sorry mate".
"Ah that must be me the waitress is talking to" I thought.
My meal was delivered gracelessly to my table. A regular slab of St Louis Ribs, coleslaw and........broccoli. "Ah" I said "I ordered the baked potato"
"Sorry mate, I'll bring it out to you."
In, what seemed like, seconds I heard "Sorry mate" as a baked potato with butter was placed before me. "Ah" I said "it was a loaded baked potato.
"Sorry mate, I wont be a minute"
"Sorry mate"
The additional bits and pieces were delivered to turn my baked potato into one of a loaded variety.
At this stage I was delighted to be advised that I would not be charged for the broccoli. :shock:
One more Redback later and my meal was finished.
"Sorry Sir" I sat motionless assuming the waitress was addressing someone else......but it was me. "Would you like to see the dessert menu?"
"No thank you" I replied " Could I get the bill please?"
"Sorry mate" (I was now screaming inside) "Here is your bill"
Well at least the bill seemed to be correct. A young chap collected my bill with my credit card and fortunately delivered the necessary paperwork back quickly for me to sign.
As one grows older time seems to speed up..........and that hour in Tony Roma's in Perth is yet another one I will never be able to reclaim.
