A bit of humour

[Hvr]

Yes, a rest room door: the location surprised me.....

View attachment 50546

Cosmic Ray's Starlight Cafe
Tomorrowland
Magic Kingdom
Walt Disney World
Orlando FL
USA

Ok it's obviously the men's room. What is on the door of the women's loo?

 

[coriander]

What is on the door of the women's loo?

I honestly can't remember ..... it was around the corner and I was trying to watch three ferals, look for a table and mind the bags all at the same time. Given that as a male I can't multi-task, that I took a photo of that door was an achievement in itself !

 

[get me outta here]

I think that symbol indicates a unisex loo.

Ok it's obviously the men's room. What is on the door of the women's loo?

 

[anat0l]

This is a pretty old video, so it's likely been seen or posted before, but extremely valuable advice for men:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SZ3SC-gVvy0

 

[Foreigner]

A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with three young mothers and their small children. "You all have obsessions," he observed.
To the first mother, he said, "You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy."
He turned to the second mom. "Your obsession is money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny."
At this point, the third mother got up, took her little boy by the hand and whispered, "Come on, Dick, let's go."

 

[Foreigner]

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."

 

[Foreigner]

A man walks into a barber shop and says, "I'll have a shave and a shoe shine."
The barber lathers his face and sharpens the straight edge while a woman with the biggest, most beautiful breasts he has ever seen kneels down and shines his shoes.
The man says, "You and I should spend some time in a hotel room." She replies, "My husband wouldn't like that." The man says, "Tell him you're working overtime, and I'll pay you the difference." She says, "You tell him. He's the one shaving you."

 

[Foreigner]

,,,,,,,,,,,,

 

[Maca44]

The Royal quote...

 

[Major]

The Salvation Army realized that it had never received a donation from the city's most successful lawyer.

So a volunteer paid the lawyer a visit in his lavish office.


The volunteer opened the meeting by saying, 'Our research shows that even though your annual income is
over two million dollars, you don't give a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give something back to
your community?

The lawyer thinks for a minute and says, 'First, did your research also show you that my mother is dying after a long painful illness, and she has huge medical bills that are far beyond her ability to pay?'

Embarrassed, the rep mumbles, 'Uh... No, I didn't know that.'

'Secondly,' says the lawyer, 'did it show that my brother, a disabled Veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair and is unable to support his wife and six children?

The stricken rep begins to stammer an apology, but is cut off again

'Thirdly, did your research also show you that my sister's husband died in a dreadful car accident, leaving her penniless with a mortgage and three children, one of whom is disabled and another that has learning disabilities requiring an array of private tutors?'

The humiliated rep, completely beaten, says, 'I'm so sorry. I had no idea.

And the lawyer says,

'So, if I didn't give any money to them, what makes you think I'd give any to you?

 

[Major]

Dave had just returned from his honeymoon and was settling down with his bride in their new apartment.

Coming home from work one night, the landlady met Dave in the hallway.

She said, "I have a couple of extra tickets to a play in town tonight, and I wonder if you and your new bride would like to have them?"

"I will ask her," Dave responded.

He opened the door to his apartment and called out, "Honey, would you like to see "Oliver Twist" tonight?"

"No way!" his bride retorted, "If you show me one more trick with that thing, I am going home to my Mother!"

 

[Major]

[TABLE="align: left"]
[TR]
[TD="align: left"]Three men awaited execution by firing squad in the condemned cell, from which the site of their forthcoming ordeal could be clearly seen.
The first, an Englishman, was taken out and stood against the wall.

As the firing squad raised their rifles, he suddenly shouted "Avalanche!" at the top of his voice.

The soldiers looked about in alarm, threw down their rifles and turned to run. Taking advantage of the momentary chaos, the Englishman scuttled away as fast as his legs would carry him and escaped.

The second condemned man a Scot, seeing the success of this ploy, when his turn came shouted "Flood!", with exactly the same highly successful effect, and off he scampered.

The third man, an Irishman, impressed by the initiative of his colleagues, determined to follow suit. As the rifles were raised and fingers curled around the triggers, he shouted "Fire!'…
[/TD]
[/TR]
[/TABLE]

 

[coriander]

"No way!" his bride retorted, "If you show me one more trick with that thing, I am going home to my Mother!"

An oldie but a goodie..... I remember hearing that joke when I was a youngster (~50+ years ago) at a family function and asking my mother what the punchline meant. My mother, never being one to mince words or hide the truth, told me. I remember the hilarity of the gathering at my very obviously red embarrassed face.

 

[Bundy Bear]

Maybe worth a chuckle, I think I used Jetstar more than once JQ35 was a favorite.

 

[Foreigner]

[TABLE="width: 100%"]
[TR]
[TD]To my friends who enjoy a glass of wine and those who don't and are always seen with a bottle of water in their hand:

As Ben Franklin said:
In wine there is wisdom,
In beer there is freedom,
In water there is bacteria.

In a number of carefully controlled trials, scientists have demonstrated that if we drink one litre of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than one kilo of Escherichia coli, (E. Coli) - bacteria found in feces.

In other words, we are consuming one kilo of poop annually. However, we do NOT run that risk when drinking wine & beer (or rum, whiskey or other liquor) because alcohol has to go through a purification process of boiling, filtering and fermenting.

Remember:

Water = Poop
Wine = Health

Therefore, it's better to drink wine and talk stupid, than to drink water and be full of $hit.[/TD]
[/TR]
[/TABLE]

 

[whatmeworry]

A man was stopped by the police around 2 am. The officer asked him where he was going at that time of night...
The man replied, "I'm on my way to a leccture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late"
The officer, " Oh really........ and Who's giving that lecture at this time of night?"





The Man, "That would be my wife"

 

[whatmeworry]

Hitler on the NBN.

[video=youtube;GTHA4G-Hsy4]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GTHA4G-Hsy4[/video]

 

[Foreigner]

,,,,,,,,,,,,

 

[get me outta here]

[FONT=&amp]A couple were invited to a masked fancy dress party. The wife got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone.[/FONT]
[FONT=&amp]He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed and there was no need for his good-time to be spoiled by not going. So he took his costume and away he went.[/FONT]
[FONT=&amp]The wife, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, woke without pain and as it was still early, decided to go to the party. As her husband didn’t know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him.[/FONT]
[FONT=&amp]So she joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice“chick” he could and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there. His wife went up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his new partner high and dry and devoted his time to her. She let him go as far as he wished,naturally, since he was her husband. After more drinks he finally he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and made passionate love in the back seat.[/FONT]
[FONT=&amp]Just before unmasking midnight, she slipped away and went home and put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make up for his outrageous behaviour. She was sitting up reading when he came in, so she asked what kind of time he had. “Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you’re not there.”[/FONT]
[FONT=&amp]Then she asked, “Did you dance much?”[/FONT]
[FONT=&amp]He replied, “I’ll tell you, I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went in the spare room and played poker all evening.[/FONT]
[FONT=&amp]“You must have looked really silly wearing that costume playing poker all night!” she said with unashamed sarcasm.[/FONT]
[FONT=&amp]To which the husband replied,“Actually, I gave my costume to your Dad, apparently he had the time of his life.”[/FONT]

 

[QF WP]

Wow, here's to the 4,000th post - another thread that has gone much further than I ever thought it could or would.