A bit of humour

[Ikara]

Boom, boom!

 

[RAM]

Boom, boom!
View attachment 74569

I hoped there was a blank line and then...


AGAIN!

 

[codash1099]

Introducing the new Bio-Optic Organized Knowledge device, trade-named --
BOOK.

BOOK is a revolutionary breakthrough in technology: no wires, no
electric circuits, no batteries, nothing to be connected or switched
on. It's so easy to use, even a child can operate it.
Compact and portable, it can be used anywhere -- even sitting in an
armchair by the fire -- yet it is powerful enough to hold as much
information as a CD-ROM disc.

Here's how it works:

BOOK is constructed of sequentially numbered sheets of paper
(recyclable), each capable of holding thousands of bits of
information. The pages are locked together with a custom-fit device
called a binder which keeps the sheets in their correct sequence.

Opaque Paper Technology (OPT) allows manufacturers to use both sides of the
sheet, doubling the information density and cutting costs.
Experts are divided on the prospects for further increases in
information density; for now, BOOKS with more information simply use
more pages. Each sheet is scanned optically, registering information
directly into your brain. A flick of the finger takes you to the next
sheet.

BOOK may be taken up at any time and used merely by opening it.
BOOK never crashes or requires rebooting, though, like other devices,
it can become damaged if coffee is spilled on it and it becomes
unusable if dropped too many times on a hard surface. The "browse"
feature allows you to move instantly to any sheet, and move forward or
backward as you wish. Many come with an "index" feature, which
pin-points the exact location of any selected information for instant
retrieval.

An optional "BOOKmark" accessory allows you to open BOOK to the exact place
you left it in a previous session -- even if the BOOK has been closed.
BOOKmarks fit universal design standards; thus, a single
BOOKmark can be used in BOOKs by various manufacturers. Conversely, numerous
BOOK markers can be used in a single BOOK if the user wants to store
numerous views at once. The number is limited only by the number of pages in
the BOOK. You can also make personal notes next to BOOK text entries with
optional programming tools, Portable Erasable Nib Cryptic Intercommunication
Language Styli (PENCILS).

Portable, durable, and affordable, BOOK is being hailed as a precursor
of a new entertainment wave. BOOK's appeal seems so certain that
thousands of content creators have committed to the platform and
investors are reportedly flocking to invest. Look for a flood of new
titles soon.

 

[Cossie]

Sorry if it's a repost....

 

[mrs.dr.ron]

So True !!!

 

[codash1099]

[FONT=&quot]Jim: “Are you visiting us tomorrow? Do you need directions?” [/FONT][FONT=&quot]
[FONT=&quot]Andy: “I’m all set. I have the address, a GPS, and a GPS Override.” [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Jim: “What’s a GPS Override?” [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Andy: “My wife.”[/FONT][/FONT]

 

[Hvr]

I went to a monastery once and visited the kitchens. A brother was there frying crisps. I asked him if he was the friar.

"No. I'm the chip monk," he replied.

 

[RAM]

Did somebody say "Where's the beef!"

​

​

 

[Cruiser Elite]

RAM - posting multiple pics of COWS? I'm tippin' somebody wants to 'jump the fence' here! Just sayin'!

 

[Foreigner]

At a wedding ceremony, the pastor asked if anyone had anything to say concerning the union of the bride and groom, it was their time to stand up and talk, or forever hold their peace.

The moment of utter silence was broken by a young beautiful woman, Alita, carrying a child. She started walking towards the pastor slowly.

Everything quickly turned to chaos:

The bride slapped the groom.

The groom's mother fainted.

The groomsmen started giving each other looks and wondering how best to help save the situation.

The pastor asked Alita, "Can you tell us why you came forward? What do you have to say?"

Alita replied, "We can't hear anything in the back...!!!"

 

[Foreigner]

China's armoury:

 

[whatmeworry]

Just one more.

 

[anat0l]

The jumper I got last week kept picking up static electricity, so I took it back to the shop and exchanged it for another one free of charge.

 

[Foreigner]

The good bishop knew very well that everyone in his small town look to him for an example. One night, however, after a long, hard day, he came to his last visitation.

His hostess, noting that he looked tired, asked with concern, "A spot of tea, Bishop?"

"No, thank you," he managed. "No tea."

"Ah," she said. "Coffee, then?"

"No coffee either, thank you."

In the spirit of intrigue, she leaned closer and murmured, "I could bring you a scotch and soda in a dark mug?"

"My dear, this is my last word, "NO soda."

 

[donovan301]

So, What the Cow'sgoing on here,
Loved the selections of Relative economies using Cow based realities provided above....

Gotta love a conservative Kiwi talkback radio stations humour.... Udderly shockingly accurate insights.

As it is often, their visual humour at ZB is far better than the Bleating that goes on on the stations talkback shows.

Being a Kiwi, I can constitutionally afford the right to insert Sheep Puns at will...Bleat Bleat Bleat ;-)
Where's a Bart Simpson emoticon when you need it?

Don't have a Sheep man,....Have a Cow !

 

[RAM]

The jumper I got last week kept picking up static electricity, so I took it back to the shop and exchanged it for another one free of charge.

Strange but true....

A favourite winter-warmer jumper actually does this but does not discharge until it's taken off (wearable battery storage solution?).

If doing the right thing, and not turning on the light late at night - taking off said jumper creates a light show for 2-4 seconds once it hits the clothes rack.

Who needs Elmo's Fire!

 

[codash1099]

(I do not claim ownership of this!)

[FONT=&quot]ZIMBABWE CIVIL AVIATION AUTHORITY
EXAMINATION FOR THE INITIAL ISSUE OF COMMERCIAL PILOTS LICENCE[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Time allowed. Three hours. Pass Mark 75%.[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Candidates full name?...................................................... (5 marks)[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]1) On the front of the VHF radio set is a switch marked "ON" and "OFF". In which of these two positions can you expect to get the best reception? (10 marks)[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]2) When an aeroplane takes off does it go: UP/DOWN/SIDEWAYS/NORTH.
When you take off do you go: UP/DOWN/SIDEWAYS/NORTH/DON'T KNOW. (10 marks)[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]3) Name the odd man out: VC10; DC8; B707; QE2. (5 marks)[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]4) If an aeroplane has a lot of drag does it mean:
(a) Pilots are dressed up as Hostesses.
(b) Resistance to airflow.
(c) Being towed behind a tractor. (5 marks)[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot](5) If two red balls are displayed on the Signal Tower Mast -does it mean:
(a) The Controller had too much sex last night.
(b) There is a "balls up" in Air Traffic Control.
(c) There is Glider Flying. (5 marks)[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot](6) Which undercarriage position would you select for a normal landing?
Give your reasons (5 marks)[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot](7) If the runway visibility at an airport was reported as 50 metres what kind of
weather would you expect to find?
(a) Fog.
(b) Thunderstorms.
(c) Windy. (15 marks)[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot](8) If one metre equals 29.36 inches how far is 50 metres?
Give your answer in metres. (10 marks)[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot](9) An Isobar is:
(a) An Ice Cream Parlour.
(b) The Czar of Russia.
(c) A Line of equal atmospheric pressure. (10 marks)[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot](10) A Barrel Roll is:
(a) An aerobatic manoeuvre
(b) Laying a barmaid.
(c) Roiling a keg of beer. (10 marks)[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot](11) What is the opposite to a Cold Front?:
(a) A hot behind.
(b) Warm front. (10 marks)[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot](12) Who was the first person to fly the English Channel?
(a) Eammon Andrews
(b) Victor Mike Charlie
(c) M. Bleriot
(d) Atilla the Hun. (10 marks)[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot](13) PLOTTING. You are flying from Point A to Point B on the chart printed below. With
the aid of a straight edged ruler, draw in the track you would follow. (Extra paper is
available on request.) (10 marks)[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]A x[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]B x[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]

 

[JessicaTam]

I especially liked this one:

(8) If one metre equals 29.36 inches how far is 50 metres?
Give your answer in metres. (10 marks)

 

[Foreigner]

I especially liked this one:

(8) If one metre equals 29.36 inches how far is 50 metres?
Give your answer in metres. (10 marks)

(11) What is the opposite to a Cold Front?:
(a) A hot behind.
(b) Warm front. (10 marks)

And you get bonus 5 marks for correctly writing your full name!

 

[drron]

A bit of humour from Barnaby-
One of the incoming Liberal senators for Tasmania, Jonathon Duniam, told his colleagues that he had spent so many years in the state that he still had the scar from where they removed his second head.
Barnaby Joyce interjected: “Given the choice of two heads, why did you keep that one?”