A bit of humour

[Hvr]

Why do chicken coops have 2 doors?

Because, if they had 4 doors, they'd be chicken sedans.

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Where do canteloupes go on their summer vacation?


John Cougar Mellencamp.


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A man walks into a bar with a lizard on his shoulder and sits at the bar.

'That's a pretty interesting pet you got there' says the bartender.' Does he have a name?'

'I call him 'Tiny' 'says the man.

'Oh why's that?' says the bartender

'Because he's my newt'

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Why does Donald Trump take Xanax?

To fight hispanic attacks

 

[Foreigner]

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[Foreigner]

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[anat0l]

More maths jokes:

Dear Algebra, Please stop asking us to find your x. She's never coming back, and don't ask y.

Old mathematicians never die, they just lose some of their functions.

Philosophy is a game with objectives and no rules. Mathematics is a game with rules and no objectives.

 

[Foreigner]

A nun walks into a liquor store and asks for a bottle of whisky.

The owner is shocked, "I'm sorry, Sister, but I'm a good church-going man. I simply can't sell liquor to a nun."

The nun blushes a little, looks around nervously, then leans forward to whisper, "It's for Mother Superior's constipation."

"Oh, well, that's a different story," the owner says.

He wraps up a bottle of his best and hands it to her, waving away her attempt to pay for it.

On his way home, he walks past the convent and sees the nun, drunk as a skunk, doing cartwheels on the lawn.

He runs up to her, "Shame on you, Sister... how could you? You said the whisky was to help your Mother Superior's constipation!"

"It will, it will," the nun mutters. "When she sees me, she's just going to ****!"

 

[straitman]

I don't understand the problem!

 

[Wingin..it]

Plus your teeth seem to be in a weird position ? Is that from the 60 takeoffs and only 54 landings???????

 

[Foreigner]

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[Hvr]

Why did the chicken fall into the well?

Chickens can't see that well.

 

[Maca44]

Unfortunately, after many years the man who invented throat lozenges passed away.
As you would expect the funeral was a huge service, but there was 'no coffin'

 

[straitman]

The jokes are getting worse :!:

 

[Foreigner]

Laughter is the best medicine:

 

[Foreigner]

The Rugby World Cup is held every four years (it was in New Zealand in 2011) and New Zealand is one of the best teams in the world. Tickets to the Tests, as the games are called, are scarce as hens' teeth. Kiwi Ken, living in Australia managed to get tickets for the final Test series, but he wasn't feeling too good - bladder problems mainly - so he went along to his doctor.

The doctor gave him a thorough examination and told him that he had long existing and advanced prostate cancer and the only cure was testicular removal. "No way, doc!" said Ken, "I'm getting a second opinion!" The second Aussie doctor gave him the same diagnosis and also advised him that removing his testicl_s was the only cure. Not surprisingly, he refused the treatment again, but was devastated and wondered if he'd get to the Tests or if he should make out his will and leave his tickets to his brother.

Then someone told him about an expatriate New Zealand doctor and he decided to get one last opinion from someone he could trust. The Kiwi doctor examined him and said, " Bro, you have definitely got prostate cancer." "What's the cure then, doc?" asked Ken, hoping for a different answer this time. "Well," said the Kiwi doctor, "For starters, we're going to have to cut off your balls."

"Phew, thank god for that!" said Ken, "Those Aussie coughs wanted to take my Test Tickets off me!" .

 

[anat0l]

Three women, one engaged, one a mistress & one married, decide to treat their men by wearing black leather bras, stilleto heels & a leather face mask. The engaged woman says "My man leapt on me & we made love all night". The mistress adds "Me too, we had wild unhibited s*x all night". The married woman sighs "My husband came home, took one look at me & said "What's for tea Batman?"

 

[Boca68]

Unfortunately, after many years the man who invented throat lozenges passed away.
As you would expect the funeral was a huge service, but there was 'no coffin'

Cough!

Sorry, that was me choking on my Butter menthol! ufff!

 

[drron]

Dumb criminals-

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[drron]

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[drron]

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[Maca44]

Dislexic

 

[Foreigner]

Dyslexic

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