JohnK
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Perhaps feeling a little disgruntled?And, is it possible for a vegan to be pigheaded? Or carrying on like a pork chop?
A bit of humour
- Thread starter Maca44
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Foreigner
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And, is it possible for a vegan to be pigheaded? Or carrying on like a pork chop?
So long as he/she doesn't eat like a pig
Wingin..it
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haha .....yes two vegans eating in a hurry ...........you 2 are scoffing that down like pigs!
A true beef eater doesn't mind the comment "mutton done up as lamb" ??One could say they would go out of their way to get into a beef with someone?
The salmon /tuna lovers are always fishy characters though!
Maca44
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Bundy Bear
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A friend was recently in Hawaii.
Not AFF so I thought I would post it here, everyone will understand.
Not AFF so I thought I would post it here, everyone will understand.
codash1099
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D
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Wingin..it
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Maybe the mutton found itself on the wrong plate from bistro to ...five star restaurant
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[FONT=&]At one point during a game, the coach called one of his 9-year-old baseball players aside And asked,
[/FONT]
[FONT=&]"Do you understand what co-operation is? What a team is?"
[/FONT]
[FONT=&]"Yes, coach", replied the little boy. "
[/FONT]
[FONT=&]Do you understand that [/FONT][FONT=&]what matters is whether we win or lose together as a team?"
[/FONT]
[FONT=&]The little boy nodded in the affirmative.
[/FONT]
[FONT=&]"So," the coach continued, "I'm sure you know,when an out is called, you shouldn't argue, curse,[/FONT]
[FONT=&]attack the umpire, or call him an asshole. Do you understand all that?"
[/FONT]
[FONT=&]Again, the little boy nodded in the affirmative.
[/FONT]
[FONT=&]The coach continued, "And when I take you out of the game so that another boy gets a chance to play,[/FONT]
[FONT=&]it's not a dumb cough decision or that the coach is a cough, is it?"
[/FONT]
[FONT=&]"No, coach."
[/FONT]
[FONT=&]"Good", said the coach. "Now go over there and explain all that to your grandmother.[/FONT]
[/FONT]
[FONT=&]"Do you understand what co-operation is? What a team is?"
[/FONT]
[FONT=&]"Yes, coach", replied the little boy. "
[/FONT]
[FONT=&]Do you understand that [/FONT][FONT=&]what matters is whether we win or lose together as a team?"
[/FONT]
[FONT=&]The little boy nodded in the affirmative.
[/FONT]
[FONT=&]"So," the coach continued, "I'm sure you know,when an out is called, you shouldn't argue, curse,[/FONT]
[FONT=&]attack the umpire, or call him an asshole. Do you understand all that?"
[/FONT]
[FONT=&]Again, the little boy nodded in the affirmative.
[/FONT]
[FONT=&]The coach continued, "And when I take you out of the game so that another boy gets a chance to play,[/FONT]
[FONT=&]it's not a dumb cough decision or that the coach is a cough, is it?"
[/FONT]
[FONT=&]"No, coach."
[/FONT]
[FONT=&]"Good", said the coach. "Now go over there and explain all that to your grandmother.[/FONT]
Foreigner
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A beautiful young New York woman was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean. But just before she could throw herself from the docks, a handsome young man stopped her "You have so much to live for," said the man. "Look, I'm a sailor, and we're off to Europe tomorrow, and I can stow you away on my ship. "I'll take care of you, bring you food every day, and keep you happy."
With nothing to lose, combined with the fact that she had always wanted to go to Europe, the woman accepted.
That night the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a lifeboat. From then on, every night he would bring her three sandwiches and make love to her until dawn.
Three weeks later she was discovered by the captain during a routine inspection.
"What are you doing here?" asked the captain.
"I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she replied. "He brings food and I get a free trip to Europe ."
"I see," the captain says.
"Plus," (wanting to make a full confession, she adds) "He's screwing me."
"He certainly is," replied the captain. "This is the Staten Island Ferry."
With nothing to lose, combined with the fact that she had always wanted to go to Europe, the woman accepted.
That night the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a lifeboat. From then on, every night he would bring her three sandwiches and make love to her until dawn.
Three weeks later she was discovered by the captain during a routine inspection.
"What are you doing here?" asked the captain.
"I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she replied. "He brings food and I get a free trip to Europe ."
"I see," the captain says.
"Plus," (wanting to make a full confession, she adds) "He's screwing me."
"He certainly is," replied the captain. "This is the Staten Island Ferry."
whatmeworry
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The New Apple Airbag.
[video=youtube;fnsrDIUWhTg]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fnsrDIUWhTg[/video]
[video=youtube;fnsrDIUWhTg]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fnsrDIUWhTg[/video]
Foreigner
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The lady was embarrassed and apologetic to the priest after church service was over, "Reverend, I hope you didn't take it personally, when my husband bluntly walked out of the room during your sermon."
"Yes, I did find it rather disrespectful to the Lord," the angry preacher cursed.
"Father, I assure you It was not a reflection on your religious intelligence and abilities." The wife persisted, "You see John has been walking in his sleep ever since he was a child."
"Yes, I did find it rather disrespectful to the Lord," the angry preacher cursed.
"Father, I assure you It was not a reflection on your religious intelligence and abilities." The wife persisted, "You see John has been walking in his sleep ever since he was a child."
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Yes, well.....
anat0l
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Strictly Math Humour
My geometry teacher was absent today due to a sprained angle.
---
My perfect girlfriend is the square root of -100. A perfect 10, but purely imaginary.
---
There are three people applying for the same job. One is a mathematician, one a statistician, and one an accountant.
The interviewing committee first calls in the mathematician. They say "we have only one question. What is 500 plus 500?" The mathematician, without hesitation, says "1000." The committee sends him out and calls in the statistician.
When the statistician comes in, they ask the same question. The statistician ponders the question for a moment, and then answers "1000... I'm 95% confident." He is then also thanked for his time and sent on his way.
When the accountant enters the room, he is asked the same question: "what is 500 plus 500?" The accountant replies, "what would you like it to be?"
They hire the accountant.
---
Father: What did you do in school today?
Son: We played a guessing game!
Father: I thought you had your math exam.
Son: Exactly!
My geometry teacher was absent today due to a sprained angle.
---
My perfect girlfriend is the square root of -100. A perfect 10, but purely imaginary.
---
There are three people applying for the same job. One is a mathematician, one a statistician, and one an accountant.
The interviewing committee first calls in the mathematician. They say "we have only one question. What is 500 plus 500?" The mathematician, without hesitation, says "1000." The committee sends him out and calls in the statistician.
When the statistician comes in, they ask the same question. The statistician ponders the question for a moment, and then answers "1000... I'm 95% confident." He is then also thanked for his time and sent on his way.
When the accountant enters the room, he is asked the same question: "what is 500 plus 500?" The accountant replies, "what would you like it to be?"
They hire the accountant.
---
Father: What did you do in school today?
Son: We played a guessing game!
Father: I thought you had your math exam.
Son: Exactly!
D
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Foreigner
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Ever since Rob was a child, he had a fear of someone under his bed at night. So he went to a Psychiatrist and told him, "I've got problems. Every time I go to bed I think there's somebody under it. I'm scared. I think I'm going crazy."
"Just put yourself in my hands for one year," said the psychiatrist. "Come talk to me three times a week and we should be able to get rid of those fears."
"How much do you charge?"
"Eighty dollars per visit," replied the doctor.
"I'll sleep on it and if needed I will come back to you," Rob said.
Six months later he met the Psychiatrist on the street.
"Why didn't you come to see me about those fears you were having?" he asked.
"Well, eighty bucks a visit three times a week for a year is an awful lot of money! A bartender cured me for $10. I was so happy to have saved all that money that I went and bought me a new SUV."
"Is that so!" With a bit of an attitude he said, "and how, may I ask, did a bartender cure you?"
"He told me to cut the legs off the bed - ain't nobody under there now!"
"Just put yourself in my hands for one year," said the psychiatrist. "Come talk to me three times a week and we should be able to get rid of those fears."
"How much do you charge?"
"Eighty dollars per visit," replied the doctor.
"I'll sleep on it and if needed I will come back to you," Rob said.
Six months later he met the Psychiatrist on the street.
"Why didn't you come to see me about those fears you were having?" he asked.
"Well, eighty bucks a visit three times a week for a year is an awful lot of money! A bartender cured me for $10. I was so happy to have saved all that money that I went and bought me a new SUV."
"Is that so!" With a bit of an attitude he said, "and how, may I ask, did a bartender cure you?"
"He told me to cut the legs off the bed - ain't nobody under there now!"
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