A bit of humour

[mrs.dr.ron]

 

[Bundy Bear]

Oh something to think about before you get really sick

 

[JohnM]

And to segue from Bundy's post:

Famous epitaphs:

Spike Milligan

"I told you I was ill"

Oscar Wilde

"Either those curtains go or I do"

Frank Sinatra

"The best is yet to come"

Mel Blanc

"That's all, folks!"

Winston Churchill

"I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter"

John Belushi

“I may be gone but Rock and Roll lives on”

Bette Davis

“She did it the hard way”

Humphrey Bogart

"I should never have switched from Scotch to Martinis"

Peter Ustinov

"Please keep off the grass"

 

[Bundy Bear]

My breakfast spot today, they also do lunch.

What happens when you order the bottle of wine for lunch

 

[kelvedon]

And to segue from Bundy's post:

Famous epitaphs:

Spike Milligan

"I told you I was ill"

Oscar Wilde

"Either those curtains go or I do"

Frank Sinatra

"The best is yet to come"

Mel Blanc

"That's all, folks!"

Winston Churchill

"I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter"

John Belushi

“I may be gone but Rock and Roll lives on”

Bette Davis

“She did it the hard way”

Humphrey Bogart

"I should never have switched from Scotch to Martinis"

Peter Ustinov

"Please keep off the grass"

Or as written on Mrs E Thompsons grave ( she left her body to medical science)

“ rest in pieces”

 

[Bundy Bear]

Play with fire you can be burnt many ways.

 

[JohnM]

This story aroused () a bit of mirth today on the Bell Tower Times (The Bell Tower Times), a PER FB blog that frequently brings considerable amusement to my mundane existence:

Trio assist police over Northbridge adult shop theft

 

[JohnM]

This came out on The Bell Tower Times at the time of the AFL grand final. I particularly like the answer to the question about why it is so hard to solve a crime...

Hey Siri...

https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=1835179439901163

 

[Maca44]

From the great Rodney Dangerfield;
Last night my wife met me at the front door.
She was wearing a sexy negligee.
The only trouble was, she was coming home.

 

[cosi]

Araprosdokians are figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence is unexpected.

Some examples:

1. Where there's a will, I want to be in it.

2. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

3. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.

4. War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

5 Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

6. They begin the evening news with 'Good Evening,' then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

7. To steal ideas from someone is plagiarism. To steal from many is called research.

8. In filling in an application, where it says, 'In case of emergency', notify: I put 'DOCTOR.'

9. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

10. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they look sexy.

11. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

12. A clear conscience is the sign of a bad memory.

13. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.

14. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be. Nor is there any future in it.

15. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

16. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in your garage makes you a car.

17. I am not arguing with you, I am explaining why you are wrong.

18. Finally: I'm supposed to respect my elders, but it’s getting harder and harder for me to find one now.

 

[Hvr]

What do you call someone who gets mad when they don't have any bread?




Lack toast intolerant.

 

[JessicaTam]

What do you call someone who gets mad when they don't have any bread?




Lack toast intolerant.

I guess that means the renos are over. *sigh*

 

[Hvr]

I guess that means the renos are over. *sigh*

Does that mean you think it was a crumby joke?

 

[JessicaTam]

Does that mean you think it was a crumby joke?

I have no need to rise to your crusty jokes. I have been burnt before.

 

[Hvr]

I have no need to rise to your crusty jokes. I have been burnt before.

I'll continue loafing then.

 

[NM]

What do you call someone who gets mad when they don't have any bread?




Lack toast intolerant.

And if they have bread but got mad because they left it in the toaster too long, they would be black toast intolerant.

 

[TheEmu]

Is it too late to jam a few more bread puns in here or would I knead to butter someone up first? Hope I’ve got enough dough...

 

[juddles]

An irishman emigrates to Australia to start a new life. He is looking for work and some friends he meets in the pub who are tree-fellers convince him that there is great money to be made cutting trees out bush.

He goes out to the countryside and walks into the hardware store in a country town. He tells the storekeeper that he wants to cut down trees, so he needs a good saw. The storekeeper then sells him a nice chainsaw.

After a couple of days the irishman returns to the store, upset. He says all the other guys cut at least ten trees a day, but he is managing only 4. The storekeeper then sells him an even bigger chainsaw.

A few days later the irishman again returns to the store, tired and still upset. He explains that even with his best efforts he is still only managing 6 trees a day. The storekeeper feels sorry for him, and gives him a long lesson in sharpening the chainsaw's teeth to perfection.

But in a few days more the irishman again returns to the store with his chainsaw, saying he still is only getting 8 trees down a day.

The storekeeper is puzzled, wondering if maybe there is some problem with the saw. He takes it, places it on the ground, and starts it up.
The irishman leaps backwards, alarmed, and yells "what's that noise!!??"

 

[Hvr]

Is it too late to jam a few more bread puns in here or would I knead to butter someone up first? Hope I’ve got enough dough...

You're on a roll.

 

[drron]

At yeast I'm not making buns...err puns.